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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To borrow earrings that were given to dd (1y)

90 replies

HairyPorter · 10/12/2013 08:12

She doesn't have pierced ears and I don't intend to pierce them till she's old enough to ask for it. But mil gave her a pair of diamond earrings as a baby gift (refashioned from a family piece of jewellery). It feels wrong to borrow the earrings but on the other hand it doesn't make sense for I to lie unused for the next decade or two! Opinions please!

OP posts:

kelda · 10/12/2013 14:19

I wouldn't borrow them. They are an expensive present for your dd, and you should look after them. What would happen if you wore them and lost one?

I have a couple of nice necklaces for my girls that were presents and I look after them.

MegaClutterSlut · 10/12/2013 14:22

I wouldn't borrow them just because there is a slight chance you could lose them and they're not replaceable

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 10/12/2013 14:42

Hermione - if one child is given a gift, is it OK for another child to get first 'go' with it, without the recipient's permission? In my opinion, as I have said, it should be the recipient who gets the first turn with their gift. I don't think that changes when the recipient is a baby.

This is a gift, given to the OP's dd - one with special significance for the OP's MIL. If she wanted her DIL to have the use of it, she would have given it to her, to be passed onto her dd at a later date - but she didn't do that. The OP should respect her MIL's wishes.

ICameOnTheJitney · 10/12/2013 14:45

I wouldn't. My DDs have been given quite a lot of gold/diamond jewellry by MIL which I thought a bit odd at first but now that DD is 9 she is showing interest and I am glad I kept it all pristine...she has a charm bracelet, diamond studs, a locket and a bangle...all v good quality....DD2 has similar but not the same styles and I think its lovely that they'll have nice things to wear when they're older. DD1 has worn a couple of things to special occasions and they looked lovely.

HermioneWeasley · 10/12/2013 14:48

But it's a massively age inappropriate gift which will be used for many years (I wouldn't let me 18 year of wear valuable earrings to mAny events). There could be a house fire and they are destroyed and never used or enjoyed, why shouldn't her mother enjoy them in the meantime?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 10/12/2013 14:49

Because they are not hers.

AchyFox · 10/12/2013 15:00

What did you do before this gift ?

Do that.

HowardTJMoon · 10/12/2013 15:04

So Hermione, in the scenario I presented a little earlier about a friend's DP entrusting her engagement ring with you, presumably you'd feel it perfectly appropriate for you to wear that ring until it's time to hand it over?

Coveredinweetabix · 10/12/2013 15:07

It strikes me that your MIL gave your DD two pairs of earrings as well as the necklace when she could have easily given DD a pair of earrings and the necklace and given you the other pair of earrings. Therefore, her intentions were clear. What would you do if it was a monetary gift of, say, £500? Put it in a savings account for DD, spend it on a family trip (possibly acceptable to my mind) or think "I know what. DD would love it if I got myself some diamond earrings".

Having said that, at least if you wore them constantly you'd know where to find them when DD turns 18. If it were me, I'd have put them in a very safe place and spend the weeks leading up to her 18th trying to find them and getting increasingly frantic as I looked in more & more places and they weren't there!

Beeyump · 10/12/2013 15:19

Do diamonds get destroyed by fire though?

HavantGuard · 10/12/2013 15:19

'But it's a massively age inappropriate gift'

No, it's not. A scooter or a bike would be age inappropriate. This is a gift that is designed to be put away for when the child is older.

As for 'I wouldn't let my 18 year old wear valuable earrings to many events' . They will be this 18 year old's property to do with as she sees fit whether that's wear them or sell them.

QuintessentialShadows · 10/12/2013 15:26

My son got a silver locket watch for his Christening present. It had belonged to my dads father. (So my sons great grandfather)

My grandfather got it as a Confirmation present from his dad. He used to take the watch with him for his fishing/big game fishing in the arctic oceans (he was a seal hunter) during the winter season, at the beginning of the 19th century. It was the only reliable watch that still kept Greenwich mean time upon his return in spring. Old fashioned watches used to go a bit haywire so close to the magnetic north pole.

It is such a pretty watch. A shame to keep it for my son? I would just love keeping it in my hand bag and show it off. Massive lump of silver with ornate inscriptions that it is....

Every old piece of family jewelry/ heirloom has a piece of history attached to it. Why not find out more about the lady who owned the diamonds, so you can add the story to the gift your mil has bestowed upon your daughter?

Andro · 10/12/2013 15:46

Beeyump

Diamonds are a form of carbon, albeit a very strong and stable form. At high enough temperatures and in the right atmosphere they can and do burn, I'm not sure whether house fires burn hot enough though.

Beeyump · 10/12/2013 15:53

Thanks Andro! I just imagined them getting a bit sooty, but being pretty indestructable.

TheSmallClanger · 10/12/2013 15:59

The mounts would probably be damaged in a fire.

My mother is like lookatmybutt's. This is the kind of stunt she pulls, then gets really outraged when she is called out about it. "Age inappropriate" presents sometimes disappeared and never returned. I'm sure she did intend to return them, but it didn't happen. And the lending stuff to other people - that did my head in.

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