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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To borrow earrings that were given to dd (1y)

90 replies

HairyPorter · 10/12/2013 08:12

She doesn't have pierced ears and I don't intend to pierce them till she's old enough to ask for it. But mil gave her a pair of diamond earrings as a baby gift (refashioned from a family piece of jewellery). It feels wrong to borrow the earrings but on the other hand it doesn't make sense for I to lie unused for the next decade or two! Opinions please!

OP posts:
Beeyump · 10/12/2013 11:35

Grin Rooners. I just don't understand the op.

Rooners · 10/12/2013 11:38

I think she might just be expressing herself quite badly.

FunnyFestiveTableRunner · 10/12/2013 11:41

Personally I wouldn't because they don't belong to you. But I can understand your temptation. I would just drop some hints to DH for Christmas Wink

sashh · 10/12/2013 12:52

I am baffled that anyone thinks it is wrong to wear them!

Because they do not belong to the OP. Because the OP has been trusted to keep them safe until dd is older.

lookatmybutt · 10/12/2013 12:56

I say buy your own earrings. Those ones are not yours.

I have a bit of an axe to grind as my mother has an awful habit of taking, throwing away and giving away other peoples' things.

I'll never forget when she asked if she could lend my smart job interview jacket to a friend of hers. I said 'no', but a couple of months later I was looking for it for an interview and it had gone. She had lent it anyway and never got it back.

I was a poor student and my mum and her friend were fairly well-off middle-aged ladies. I didn't even know her friend's name!

A couple of years ago, I went to visit my mum and found her wearing all of my rings. I don't have many and most of them have sentimental value: given to me by old friends or my sister who passed away a few years ago. My mum has plenty of rings herself! She got annoyed when I made her give them back to me. I searched her jewellery box and found more stuff she'd 'borrowed'. All of my gold and silver. I still can't find the bracelet my nan gave me.

I could go on; the time she threw out all of my sister's smart winter clothes because my sister 'hadn't been wearing them'. My sister was living in Japan at the time and there wasn't much call for wool suits in the 40 degree heat of the Japanese summer. She had to buy a whole new wardrobe which was very inconvenient and cost her a lot of money to replace.

Anywayyyy! I'm not saying you're as bad as my mother, but like you she has absolutely no respect for other people's things. Even with the best will in the world, you could accidentally lose one. They are not yours. Buy your own.

gotthemoononastick · 10/12/2013 12:58

I have posted about this before and the reasons why Mil's have jewellery boxes and cards and instructions in case they are not there to personally hand over their gifts.

Please do not disrespect your little girl's special link to her father's family.She will love these things and their story as an adult.

MissBattleaxe · 10/12/2013 12:59

I hate to think of something beautiful kept away in the dark. It's made to be admired. Wear it and enjoy it and look after it.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 10/12/2013 13:05

I am in the this is totally wrong camp. Although the stones have been worn before the earrings and necklace have been reset and are brand new for your DD to wear when she's old enough. I would not want someone else to wear my earrings (and even necklace). And if you lost them it would be a disaster as they are irreplaceable and not yours.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 10/12/2013 13:11

So what would your MIL say if you asked?

For me the risk of losing one/both would just be too high. I wouldn't wear them for that reason.

squeakytoy · 10/12/2013 13:14

Losing jewellery is very very easy.. I wouldnt risk it.

HowardTJMoon · 10/12/2013 13:20

Try re-framing it into a similar scenario to see if it becomes any more/less acceptable:

A friend's DH has bought her a gorgeous diamond engagement ring. He asks you to look after it for him prior to proposing as he doesn't want her accidentally finding it in their house. While that ring is in your care, would you take it and wear it yourself while you're out and about?

Noctilucent · 10/12/2013 13:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ZillionChocolate · 10/12/2013 13:23

Oooh Howard, good question!

littleballerina · 10/12/2013 13:23

They aren't yours. Simple as that imo.

jacks365 · 10/12/2013 13:26

Can I ask those who say wear it a question. How much is it ok to wear it? Just once? Daily? For how long into tge future? Dd is only 1 now is it still ok when she's 5 or 10 or 15. Would it be fair if the dd then associates the jewellery with her mum not her grandmother?

Expectans · 10/12/2013 13:33

I bought a pearl necklace for my god-daughter for her christening. Pretty much every time I have seen her mother since, she has been wearing the necklace. To be honest, the first time I saw her I was a bit nonplussed, but I guess in a way it is flattering she liked it enough to wear it herself. But then again, my god-daughter will probably never be able to wear it herself as it will be worn out.

(One of these, in case anyone is interested: I highly recommend them)
Classic Strand Large-Pearl Necklace www.primapearls.com/index1.html

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 10/12/2013 13:37

Wearing the item repeatedly - as Expectans' friend has done, is definitely worse than wearing it just once. In that case, her friend has basically appropriated the item as her own - when I am sure she knows full well that was not Expectans' intention when she gave her god-daughter that gift!

QuintessentialShadows · 10/12/2013 13:42

Expectans - in time, your friend will have forgotten that the neckless really belongs to her daughter....

YellowDinosaur · 10/12/2013 13:46

Wearing repeatedly as expectans friend has done is wrong.

Wearing for a special occasion is different imho, but given the strength and polarity of opinion I think the only sensible thing is to ask your mil, making it clear you will respect her wishes either way, and go with that.

YellowDinosaur · 10/12/2013 13:48

Expectans when your god daughter is old enough to appreciate her necklace I'd be giving her a new one on her mum's birthday!

lunar1 · 10/12/2013 13:50

I wouldn't wear them. They were a gift for your dd. I'm honestly surprised so many people would.

HavantGuard · 10/12/2013 13:54

Did your MIL put the wrong name on the box? Do you think she meant to say "I have had these made for you. Eventually you can pass them down to your DD."

If you wear them they will be your earrings. Rather than a special gift from her grandmother, put away until she's older, they'll be her mother's earrings that she's seen her wear hundreds of times.

HairyPorter · 10/12/2013 14:12

expectans that necklace is beautiful. And your story has helped me decide! Thanks!!

OP posts:
HermioneWeasley · 10/12/2013 14:16

Oh FFS I reminded of the OP who was told she was a thief for eating some of the DCs Xmas chocolate.

Wearing the earrings will not damage them, make them wear out or reduce their value. The only risk is one being lost, so you have to evaluate that as they aren't replaceable. If your MIL has an issue with you wearing them, she's bonkers and frankly should have kept them herself to give to your DD when older.

There is nothing wrong with a grown woman wanting a decent pair of earrings. Why would you stretch yourself financially to buy a pair and have another lying around unused for decades?

Rooners · 10/12/2013 14:17

The thing is it may only be borrowing, but borrowing shouldn't happen without the other person's knowledge and consent, unless it's an emergency.

Otherwise it's generally unwelcome.

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