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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To borrow earrings that were given to dd (1y)

90 replies

HairyPorter · 10/12/2013 08:12

She doesn't have pierced ears and I don't intend to pierce them till she's old enough to ask for it. But mil gave her a pair of diamond earrings as a baby gift (refashioned from a family piece of jewellery). It feels wrong to borrow the earrings but on the other hand it doesn't make sense for I to lie unused for the next decade or two! Opinions please!

OP posts:
Rooners · 10/12/2013 09:30

I don't get why it is so important for you to wear them yourself? Haven't you got any earrings?

Can't you just wear your own? It's bonkers...they belong to your child.

Rooners · 10/12/2013 09:31

'If she had given you say, a lovely book, or jewellery box, would you lock them away or not let anyone other than DD read it?'

Yup

Beeyump · 10/12/2013 09:32

What exactly is wrong with them 'lying unused' until your daughter is old enough to wear/appreciate her earrings?

smokeandglitter · 10/12/2013 09:41

I wouldn't but only because earrings and me don't have a long term relationship - they tend to leave me after a few hours and never return.

LouiseAderyn · 10/12/2013 09:54

I wouldn't wear them - you can't guarantee that something wont get lost and then you would be in the awful position of having to explain to mil. Id rather not risk it.

MimiSunshine · 10/12/2013 10:00

Of course it's not 'wrong', you are only planning on borrowing them (I'm guessing for a one off probably Christmas event) not selling them to buy glue crack.

Is your daughter really going to turn around in 18+ years and say "I'm offended you borrowed them all those years ago"? No she'll be borrowing something pretty of yours to wear with them.

Beeyump · 10/12/2013 10:05

If I was the daughter, I wouldn't exactly be offended, but a bit Hmm I think.

Andro · 10/12/2013 10:09

The gift was given to your DD, they are hers and she's not old enough for you to ask. No piece of jewelry is impossible to lose/damage, how would you explain it to your MiL if something did happen?

Would you be impressed 16 years down the line if your DD borrowed something irreplaceable of you without your permission?

TheXxed · 10/12/2013 10:12

I wouldn't sods law means you will lose them and feel awful.

Also they are a gift for your daughter some people may think you wearing them might make you a little [grabby].

Idespair · 10/12/2013 10:14

It's silly to have stuff sitting around unused for a decade or two. Definitely wear them. This isn't a pleasant thought but they could get taken in a burglary in the next 2 decades. Might as well get some use from them IMO. All you sentimental lot telling the op to buy her own, think ofthe environment, the diamond mining and the waste of money!

Idespair · 10/12/2013 10:16

I bet also if your daughter was older, like 2, 3 or 4 and could talk, she'd like you to wear them. I know my 5yo would.

Sunnysummer · 10/12/2013 10:27

YABU. They were not given to you.

It's fine for them to lie there a decade or more, they will not go bad and it will make it even more lovely for dd to know that they have been waiting specially for her whole life, just for her.

On a more practical note, if this happened in my family with a DiL it would definitely be a never-forgotten horror story, and even if they never saw you wear them, how would you feel if you accidentally lost one?

DoesntLeftoverTurkeySoupDragOn · 10/12/2013 10:40

What if a meteor hits your house and no one gets to wear them?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 10/12/2013 10:43

I wouldn't borrow the earrings. If someone is given something as a gift, they should get first 'go' at using/wearing/playing with it.

QuintessentialShadows · 10/12/2013 10:44

They are not your earrings.
They are a very thoughtful, unique and expensive gift.

Fgs, just go and buy yourself a pair of earrings and dont be resentful of your babys gift!

Original poster
HairyPorter · 10/12/2013 11:02

Exactly where in my post did I say I was resentful of her gift?? Or that I wanted them for myself??
Rather than spend a fortune of diamond earrings for myself (when we are trying to save to buy a house) I thought it made more sense to borrow them since she can't use them anyway! Of course I'm not resentful of the fact she or a lovely gift. What a ridiculous thing to say.

OP posts:
MissMilbanke · 10/12/2013 11:06

As a DiL I don't think I could do this.

As a daughter I could Grin

QuintessentialShadows · 10/12/2013 11:07

You really need to wear diamond earrings, do you?

See, if you have decided you need diamond earrings, and your dd has got some, and you feel entitled to use them, I would say you are resentful.

Beeyump · 10/12/2013 11:08

Why do you need diamond earrings?

Beeyump · 10/12/2013 11:08

Haha, x-post

Original poster
HairyPorter · 10/12/2013 11:16

If I felt entitled to use them I wouldn't have posted 'but it feels wrong to use them'. Perhaps you should read the op? And where did I say I need diamond earrings?? They are pretty earrings and I was half considering wearing them and was just curious as to others opinions. I have no idea how its now turned into me being grabby / materialistic and resentful of my daughter. You're frankly talking out of your arse.

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 10/12/2013 11:19

You don't have to buy diamonds in order to have some lovely, sparkly earrings - get thee down to Accessorize, and buy yourself some fun, sparkly, pretty jewelry, and leave your dd's special jewelry for her to wear first.

You don't need to wear her earrings, you want to wear them. That is very different. The world will not end, and nothing bad will happen to you or your family, if you don't wear the earrings - therefore you shouldn't do it just because you want to.

I will repeat - the recipient of a gift ought to be the first person to use/wear/play with that gift - even if that means you have to wait years to get your 'go'!

Beeyump · 10/12/2013 11:21

'Rather than spend a fortune of diamond earrings for myself (when we are trying to save to buy a house) I thought it made more sense to borrow them since she can't use them anyway!'

That just sounds...bad. And as though you do feel quite strongly about wanting to wear them.

Rooners · 10/12/2013 11:29

'Rather than spend a fortune on diamond earrings - we are saving for a house - '

I mean, why do you need diamond earrings anyway?

It's not making any sort of sense from here I'm afraid.

Rooners · 10/12/2013 11:31

I mean, why don't you just not buy yourself diamond earrings, full stop? No one is forcing you to wear diamond earrings. It's not a requisite of modern life.

No one would even know, if you wore some fake ones, if it really was something you needed to wear for I dunno, a diamond earring party or something.