Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect my Mum to look after the dog?

119 replies

ICameOnTheJitney · 09/12/2013 13:15

She's my brothers dog. My brother is in hospital awaiting some surgery but he's fine...the dog is an unneutered female greyhound....18 months old. I have two DC and a cat!

I have had the dog for ten days now...I keep her in the sitting room and garden whilst my lazy cat lives upstairs as usual. However, my cat has to come down twice a day to eat and say hello...this is his habit.

So I keep the sitting room door shut at all times...to avoid them meeting. This results in two stressed out DC...they're 5 and 9 and can't exit and enter freely....and the dog wants to be nxt to me all day naturally as she is insecure....so when she can't follow me into the kitchen she whines and howls.

She barks all night so someone sleeps downstairs near her.

She has been in heat...and my sofa has had to be covered in towels as she leaks....she wont' go in her basket...and once you leave the room she jumps on the sofa.

My Mum works part time, two hours each morning and has a three bed house...with garden and she is avoiding taking her turn with the dog. SHe claims "I won't be able to get any sleep" and "I wont be strong enough to hold her when she tries to follow me out of the house in the morning"

Well I am sick of the dog now. I have done my best...there's no money for kennels....AIBU to tell mum "You'll HAVE to have her on Thursay as I can't anymore."

She will likely only have her for about 4 days as my brother should be out on Monday anyway!

OP posts:
parakeet · 09/12/2013 14:56

Oh you will be jumped on now OP because first of all you said she had a three-bed-house.

Look, if your brother bought a dog that he can't afford, doesn't get her trained or neutered, no vet insurance in place, and didn't put in place proper arrangements for its care when he went to hospital then I think it's time he learned the consequences of being so irresponsible.

If you can possibly afford it I would put it in kennels and make it clear that he owes you the money. He can pay you in installments.

LEMisafucker · 09/12/2013 14:58

May i ask why your brother is in hospital? I am assuming he is not there through choice?

To be honest, the "something else" may well be euthanasia if you aren't prepared to wait for a rescue place. Come ON, its not the dogs fault she has found herself in this position.

If you were my sister and you put my dog up for rehoming i would never speak to you again.

Original poster
ICameOnTheJitney · 09/12/2013 14:59

parakeet* what the fuck? "Jumped on"? Who gives a shit. This is MN not the Crown Court dear. It's a four bed. I have a three bed. Maybe I got it mixed up...so what?

OP posts:
Flibbertyjibbet · 09/12/2013 14:59

I would never have a dog in my house.

You need to understand that although you took the dog in thinking it was temporary, your mother probably took the dog in until But your brother got out of hospital. Sounds like she never wanted the dog and still doesn't.

Doesn't matter how big her house is or how much she works, some people just don't want ANY dog in their house.

For goodness sake just ring that Cinnamon Trust organisation that umpteen posters have told you about. The trust is there to give care to pets in exactly this situation!! But no, you just want to moan about your mother and dump it on her.

LEMisafucker · 09/12/2013 15:00

Is your mum scared of the dog? I know GH are big softies but they are quite big dogs or someone who is not used to them. Can you not just try and like the dog? how much longer is your brother likely to be in hospital for?

Flibbertyjibbet · 09/12/2013 15:01

Oh heavens no idea what happened there. Mouse jumps about a bit.

'You need to understand that although you took the dog in thinking it was temporary, your mother probably thinks YOU have taken the dog in until your brother gets out of hospital. Sounds like she never wanted the dog and still doesn't.

that's better.

absentmindeddooooodles · 09/12/2013 15:04

Ok, I know its a crap situation and I wouldnt be pleased at all with having to look after a dog thats bleeding everywhere. However. You did offer. Pop the cat in your bedroom.....with the litter tray and its food. I know its unhygenic but it will help with everything else.

We had to dog sit for a friend who went into early labour....crazy great big messy smelly thing. Tried to eat my cat....so like ive said to you, wenput the cat in the bedroom with a litter tray for a couple of days. Hated every minute but thats my problem as I offered. As did you.

I do think your mum could be kinder and help out.....but seriously taking his dog to a rescue is out of order.

Can you not put the dog in the kitchen? Get a mega cheap stairgate on the door maybe? Or just close the door? At least you wouldnt have all the ruined towells there.

I know the cat was the first but im sure he wouldnt be that putnout to stay in the bedeoom for a couple of days ( with regular trips downstairs if need be while the dog is shut in the kitchen??)

absentmindeddooooodles · 09/12/2013 15:07

And for the record I love dogs.....came across pretty harsh towards them in that post.

notanotherusername1 · 09/12/2013 15:08

Cinnamon Trust. 01736 757900

peggyundercrackers · 09/12/2013 15:15

you volunteered to take it so man up and JFDI without all the moaning. some daughter/sister you are for agreeing to do something then because it doesnt suit everyone else has to suffer. your mum doesnt have to take it, she didnt offer - you did.

revivingshower · 09/12/2013 15:26

It is hard looking after someone else's dog even if you like dogs. They will be naughtier with you very often as out of their own routine/environment. This is why ppl pay a lot of money to dog sitters.
If your mum is fairly well off going by house size she might chip in for a dog sitter. It is about £20 a night maybe less if lucky.

LEMisafucker · 09/12/2013 15:31

You are probably making your life much harder than it needs to be with your attitude towards the dog, she will pick up on it and make her even more insecure. Try being kinder to the dog, take her out for some walks, the fresh air will do you good and might make you better tempered than you are coming across on this thread. Yes, its a pain in the bum but its not forever, having the dog around will make such a positive difference to your brothers recovery.

Fudgeface123 · 09/12/2013 15:31

So you're just going to dump his dog whilst he's in hospital. What a nice welcome home present that will be for him! You shouldn't have said you'd have it in the first place, the poor dog, has anyone thought about what she might be going through with her master not being around.

smokeandglitter · 09/12/2013 16:00

Hi OP, I understand you're in a very difficult situation, but I would try to talk to your brother if at all possible. I know no matter how ill I was if someone was having problems with any of my animals I would want to know and at least suggest an alternative. I know you've said that he can't ring round trying to find another place for the dog to go but is it possible that he would have some other ideas? Any friends who'd be willing to take the dog that haven't been asked yet?

Otherwise, I would definitely ring Cinnamon Trust. Just to add to what a pp said, RSPCA also do reduced cost neutering and vaccination schemes for those on benefits/struggling with money.

LEM, just to say that it can be very awkward to walk a bitch in heat and you have to be so careful so though it is important to walk the dog it definitely won't be a relaxing activity for the OP who is already stressed!

peggyundercrackers · 09/12/2013 16:14

revivingshower how does having a 4 bed house equal being well off? what a lot of nonsense...

Xenadog · 09/12/2013 16:21

OP I have been in a similar situation with my sister years ago where a variety of family members were going to her house and walking the dog/sitting with him for hours at a time. In the end we paid for him to be vaccinated and go into kennels - as she was utterly irresponsible regarding keeping him up to date with injections and had no money.

I really sympathise with your situation as you are having to shoulder this burden all by yourself and it wouldn't hurt your mother to help out - 10 days is a long time to have been doing his so far. However you did offer so I think you do just have to suck it up; it's not fair to give the dog away to a rescue centre. What you need to do from this point is never volunteer to help your DB or DM out as it seems they have both taken advantage of your good nature. Your DB needs to be more responsible as a pet owner and your DM needs to be more considerate of her DC's needs.

I do wish you well.

revivingshower · 09/12/2013 16:38

peggy I'm not saying she is super rich or anything but if she owns a 4 bedroom house there is a possibility she could afford £100 or so to help out in adifficult situation with her kids. I know that is not always the case but possible.

Topaz25 · 09/12/2013 16:59

Pets at Home sell Bitch Spray by Johnson's, which is designed to mask the odours of a bitch in season and discourage unwanted attention from dogs. They also sell hygiene pads to help avoid staining on furniture and carpets. These products might help to make things easier, so have a look in your local store.

YABVU to threaten to abandon your brother's dog while he's in hospital when you agreed to look after her. Some people see their pets as family, if I got out of hospital and found my beloved pets had been dumped in a shelter by the person I trusted to look after them, I would never speak to that person again. It's 4 more days, is it worth alienating your family? Also I don't see how it would be legal for you to surrender the dog as you are not her owner. Just make it clear to your brother when he's better that you will not be able to look after his dog in future so he needs to put a plan in place.

QuintessentialShadows · 09/12/2013 17:04

I could swear your mothers house is growing proportionately with your brothers incapacity as this thread goes on. Wink

If your brother cant look after the dog properly, like follow up her care, it would be kind to the dog to let it be rehomed.

You took the dog on.

drudgetrudy · 09/12/2013 19:15

Well I do think your Mum is being a bit mean. Also think you wd be being a bit unkind if you re-homed the dog while brother is ill. Did you try Cinnamon Trust

EndoplasmicReticulum · 09/12/2013 19:21

If I was your mother I wouldn't take the dog. I would not take on a dog for my children. I hate dogs.

Dog would have to go to rescue, or I would pay for a kennel.

Original poster
ICameOnTheJitney · 09/12/2013 21:02

Just back to say that I've calmed down a bit now. I'm under a lot of my own stress. It's right that I took it on...made the choice...and a good deed should be done with grace or not at all. I'm just trying to think of ways to make it easier. Of course I'm kind to the dog. She's only young and she's very sensitive. She's had stewed steak tonight and is now next to me on the sofa (on her towel of course!) she's licking her claws.

I'll keep her. She's better off here than with my Mum who doesn't really like dogs. When my brother comes out I will be having words with him about the future...when he's better of course. He needs to get her insured and neutered.

OP posts:
Original poster
ICameOnTheJitney · 09/12/2013 21:02

Oh and thank you for all the advice.x

OP posts:
revivingshower · 09/12/2013 22:34

Glad you decided to keep her. I love dogs but they can be a pain so you are doing a kind thing.

Itwasallfornothing · 10/12/2013 04:56

Glad you've calmed down a bit now OP. We have a cat and a dog and it took a good six months for them to be in the same room as each other without them trying to eat each other. Our dog is similar to your brothers - smelly, eats everything in sight and is a general pain in the arse (she's still a puppy, I'm hoping she'll calm down as she gets older) so I totally understand where you're coming from. If this situation ever arises again why don't you try getting a pet/house sitter in. 90% of them don't charge. We used trustedhousesitters.com, I think the registration fee was £17 for the month but their services are free. They stay at your (your brothers) house and take care of everything you want them to - pets, plants, house etc.

Swipe left for the next trending thread