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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect my Mum to look after the dog?

119 replies

ICameOnTheJitney · 09/12/2013 13:15

She's my brothers dog. My brother is in hospital awaiting some surgery but he's fine...the dog is an unneutered female greyhound....18 months old. I have two DC and a cat!

I have had the dog for ten days now...I keep her in the sitting room and garden whilst my lazy cat lives upstairs as usual. However, my cat has to come down twice a day to eat and say hello...this is his habit.

So I keep the sitting room door shut at all times...to avoid them meeting. This results in two stressed out DC...they're 5 and 9 and can't exit and enter freely....and the dog wants to be nxt to me all day naturally as she is insecure....so when she can't follow me into the kitchen she whines and howls.

She barks all night so someone sleeps downstairs near her.

She has been in heat...and my sofa has had to be covered in towels as she leaks....she wont' go in her basket...and once you leave the room she jumps on the sofa.

My Mum works part time, two hours each morning and has a three bed house...with garden and she is avoiding taking her turn with the dog. SHe claims "I won't be able to get any sleep" and "I wont be strong enough to hold her when she tries to follow me out of the house in the morning"

Well I am sick of the dog now. I have done my best...there's no money for kennels....AIBU to tell mum "You'll HAVE to have her on Thursay as I can't anymore."

She will likely only have her for about 4 days as my brother should be out on Monday anyway!

OP posts:
bundaberg · 09/12/2013 13:56

I think the idea of ringing around rescues who use foster carers is a good idea. I'm guessing they're mostly pretty busy! but you might just find someone who can take care of her.

and perhaps, if your brother really can't afford her then he might concede, once he is out, that it's the best place for her?

Original poster
ICameOnTheJitney · 09/12/2013 13:56

Red by fine I mean not dying. He is however very weak.,..and who the FUCK phones up someone in hospital to say "Call round and find your dog a home!?

Not me for one.

OP posts:
DidoTheDodo · 09/12/2013 13:57

Of course, since your mother gave birth to your brother, she might actually be expending her emotional energy on worrying about him, rather than the dog?

Original poster
ICameOnTheJitney · 09/12/2013 13:57

Bundaberg I did that last week and tbh they were all a bit Confused when I asked. They seemed to think that if the dog was not in danger of neglect then there was nothing to do. None of them had any foster carers.

OP posts:
Original poster
ICameOnTheJitney · 09/12/2013 13:58

dido yes she is. So she can fucking channel it into his dog.

OP posts:
D0oinMeCleanin · 09/12/2013 13:59

For temp care, you could ask Cinnamon Trust. There are also rescues and individual foster carers who will take dogs in for a short while, if you could give us a rough area as to where you are, then we could suggest some. I've done it myself, in the past, but I would be reluctant to take on a dog that I'd have to feed from my own pocket, plus there is the issue of possible vet care, is she insured?

Does your bro get any benefits? Dog's Trust and Blue Cross both do reduced cost spaying for people on certain benefits, that would be worth looking into.

I get that you are stressed, Jitney, but there are people on here, me included, who will do our best to help, we just need some info first, so we can offer the right suggestions.

If she came from a rescue, you could approach them for help.

jacks365 · 09/12/2013 13:59

But forcing someone to look after a dog when they don't want to isn't exactly considerate either ICOTJ so your only option is to hand the dog over to a rescue centre

notanotherusername1 · 09/12/2013 13:59

What about asking your brothers neighbour to help a bit earlier. Could the dog not be taken back to your brothers home and you and your Mum call in to feed and walk. Dog might be less stressed in its own home.

I know it's not ideal but it could be a sort of solution. Your Mum needs to step up a bit and if she won't have the dog in her home then surely she could do a bit by going to his home. The dog will be fine for a few days as long as fed and a walked. Better than a dog pound anyway.

DidoTheDodo · 09/12/2013 14:01

However strongly you feel at a "good deed gone wrong" I personally would have felt rather more kindly disposed towards your problem if you weren't coming across as somewhat entitles and angry.
Angry about looking after the dog - yes.
Angry with your mother - no.
Angry with those who think YABU - definitely not. You did ask!

steff13 · 09/12/2013 14:04

Could you call your brother and ask him for the names of some friends that you could call about his dog? Certainly he'd rather be bothered with that than have his beloved dog taken to a rescue, if you gave him the choice.

TotallyBursar · 09/12/2013 14:11

I cannot imagine the long lasting family repercussions if he were to come home to find his dog has been given to a rescue, permanently removed from him, and he knew nothing about it and was not given a chance to prevent it.
I honestly think in most families (obviously I know nothing of your dynamics) that would lead to a world of shit, and most of it would be falling on you.

I can't quite follow his actual state, either incapable or well enough to be home Monday but I don't think you will be forgiven if you don't even mention it. Even his fb or similar log in details to shout out to his friends as well as looking at private dog sitting as now the price is for 4 days not 14. A private sitter is much more likely to take a bitch in season than a kennel. He may have a friend willing to do a favour? Not fair on the dog but tbh at this point there are several lesat worst options.

TotallyBursar · 09/12/2013 14:17

Sorry x post with you.
I find it hard to believe you would say 'who the fuck would phone to say find your dog a home' So aghast when you have said you've decided to take it to rescue.

Most people would rather have a phone call than have their dog rehomed without their knowledge or consent. It baffles me you're so shocked at one and not the other.

I do however hope he is rapidly on the mend.

Bowlersarm · 09/12/2013 14:17

I really really don't think you should be giving his dog away without telling him first, and finding if there is anyone he might know who could hold on to her until he's out.

Bowlersarm · 09/12/2013 14:19

Me too, Bursar. I can't understand why, OP, you are shocked about contacting him in hospital, but don't understand the devastation he'll feel when he comes home and you've rehomed her.

LEMisafucker · 09/12/2013 14:25

contact greyhound rescue and see if they can find emergency foster care - too much stress with the cat in the house too. Poor dog

Whoknowswhocares · 09/12/2013 14:32

OP I get the impression you think a rescue would take on the dog in a sort of 'respite care' arrangement and provide free lodgings, rather than actually rehome the dog?
They won't. There are hundreds of dogs they have to put down every year simply because there is no space to house them temporarily.
Opening up to all and sundry for free lodgings would leave them on hiding to nothing and they need the space for genuinely needy dogs with no alternative but death.
My advice is to suck it up. Yes dumping the dog on your mum would save you 4 days grief. But it would cost you far more in broken relationships.
If you need to be angry with someone, you need to be angry with yourself. Thinking the situation through at the start would have prevented your current problem.
So long as you learn from it and don't let yourself be strong armed in the future, it's just 4 extra days out of a lifetime

Original poster
ICameOnTheJitney · 09/12/2013 14:48

Broken relationships my arse. They're already severely strained thanks to her selfish behaviour. She has a fucking FOUR bed house with a big garden...secure and safe. She works less than I do and I have no time!

OP posts:
livinginawinterwonderland · 09/12/2013 14:49

She could have a mansion and a dog expert at home with her, doesn't mean she has to take in a dog she doesn't want into her home!

Original poster
ICameOnTheJitney · 09/12/2013 14:50

It is my Mothers job to prevent the dog getting rehomed. Not mine. I've done my bit now. She needs to step up....or put up with my brother being stressed out over this and I can guarantee she'd have something to say if I asked him about it...oh she'd soon pipe up then!

OP posts:
D0oinMeCleanin · 09/12/2013 14:51

So what do you want to do OP? Your mum won't take the dog, you don't seem to want any help sourcing an alternative temp home for her but nor do you want to keep her, what is you are hoping to gain from this thread?

Are you just letting off steam?

Original poster
ICameOnTheJitney · 09/12/2013 14:51

wonderland no but she expected ME to!

OP posts:
Original poster
ICameOnTheJitney · 09/12/2013 14:52

Cleanin well I am telling her that she IS taking the dog or I will be sorting something else out and I know the "something else" won't appeal. It will either be a rescue or speaking to my brother to let him know that she's going into rescue....and Mum won't have her.

OP posts:
firesidechat · 09/12/2013 14:53

Being a mum does not mean that you have to look after a nuisance dog just because one of your children (the son) hasn't organised his life adequately.

I love dogs by the way.

livinginawinterwonderland · 09/12/2013 14:54

Yeah, and you volunteered and took the dog in. You didn't have to! Yes, you did a nice thing to help out your brother, but you can't expect someone else to take over because you regret it/aren't enjoying it anymore.

revivingshower · 09/12/2013 14:55

Hi I don't think op is being U in finding dog more difficult than she expected and wishing her mum would take it. Another solution might be asking your mum to look after your cat. This would be easier than the dog and means you could stop worrying about them meeting. If that can be arranged you can then let the dog upstairs to sleep which would be easier as it is just for a few days.
I do think your mum should help out but can understand she is worried about coping with the dog. if she really won't even do the cat maybe you have a friend who could take the cat for a few days.
You are doing your brother a big favour and although perhaps he should have thought about this sort of hidden costs when he got the dog I expect a lot of us don't. When he is well tho you must tell him you can't do this again and get him to make a plan for the future.