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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Sil won't buy ds what he wants for Xmas

70 replies

Picturesinthefirelight · 08/12/2013 15:29

I know I sound unreasonable but bear with me

I have two children, ds aged almost 10 & dd aged 12

Sil wants to know what they want for Xmas

Ds has a list he's made with items ranging from £5 to £50. It's quite diverse from books & chocolate to Nerf, Xbox game & a scooter.

Sil works at a major high street retailer so always buys presents from there which was fine when the kids were younger & were into toys & games.

She refuses to buy clothes for Xmas, the Xbox game heaves nets is out of stock at her branch, the only scooter in stock is one designed for a 5 year old. She was looking at action figures like Skylanders & Star Wars but he's not been into action figures for a couple of years now.

I suggested putting together a little gift bag with some boys/men's smellies/hair gel in. He loves his showers & likes pinching a bit of dh's after shave etc but she said that's something she'd buy when he's much older.

Her dd who is the same age as my dd has a hobby & she's asked me to get her a specialist item for that hobby which will cost around £20-30. I have to give her the money & her dd will choose the exact one she wants.

My dd also has a hobby which she hopes to eventually make a career. There is a mon specialist item she really wants (she could do with two or three of them) that costs £7. When I told sil about them she said I'm not buying her that!

She has reluctantly agreed to get dd gift vouchers as dd loves going shopping & having a Girly day out etc. she is also a bookworm but sils shop doesn't sell books.

Would I be bring unreasonable to say lets forget this & just get our own children what they want?

OP posts:

Mrswellyboot · 08/12/2013 15:32

This would wad to a fallout and extra stress you don't need. I would let her do her own thing and keep in mind that next year you will each donate a little sum of money to a children's charity on lieu of nieces and nephews gifts.

Mrswellyboot · 08/12/2013 15:33

Lead to not wad, sorry

Belugagrad · 08/12/2013 15:35

Just get each kid a book and ignore any suggestions- that goes for both of you.

Original poster

Picturesinthefirelight · 08/12/2013 15:38

She won't buy him a book - he loves books

OP posts:

Monetbyhimself · 08/12/2013 15:39

Really ? Spoiled/over indulged/ materialistic. How about you focus on teaching all of these kids to accept gifts with grace and thanks. (And work on that yourselves )and then perhaps take them to visit a soup kitchen on Christmas day ?

Belugagrad · 08/12/2013 15:41

How about you do what you want and she does hat she wants then relax and say thanks. If she asks what I get say 'use your bet judgement'

Finola1step · 08/12/2013 15:41

Sounds like she wants to maximise her staff discount! Vouchers for the shop she works in?

Belugagrad · 08/12/2013 15:41

Best

whereisshe · 08/12/2013 15:41

How odd of your SIL. Why ask for a list if you're going to ignore it? Just tell her to get whatever she wants to get, if she won't buy the things they want.

LunaticFringe · 08/12/2013 15:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Picturesinthefirelight · 08/12/2013 15:44

Well that's fine but ds has aspergers & if he receives a babyish gift will say straight out that its babyish. (We are working on that side of things)

She's always saying she's broke so I'd prefer her not to waste £20 on something he doesn't want when she could but a book from Asda for £5 or a box of chocolates.

OP posts:

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange · 08/12/2013 15:44

Please dont take them to visit a soup kitchen on Christmas Day. Other people's misery isn't a spectator sport or a lesson for MC children.

Original poster

Picturesinthefirelight · 08/12/2013 15:45

She doesn't get a staff discount on vouchers - & she doesn't want to get a 10 year old vouchers "birthdays are for clothes & vouchers- Christmas is for toys"

OP posts:

LeBearPolar · 08/12/2013 15:48

You choose her DD what you want to get her; she chooses your DC what she wants to get them.

Why do you 'have' to give her the money so her DD can choose her own present? You don't have to do anything! Tell her that, just as she's choosing your DC's presents, you'll choose her DD's present.

Belugagrad · 08/12/2013 15:48

Why can't you jut leave her to it? You sound too involved tbh. It's her present buying.

ipswichwitch · 08/12/2013 15:53

I don't get why she bothers asking what they want then refusing to get it. Surely it's worse to waste money on something they won't like or use that will languish in a cupboard than to actually get something they want. We have a relative who does this and DS has been given something he is actually scared of (and they knew this) because its what they wanted to buy him and think that's what he should like. It's now in the back of the cupboard awaiting the day he might get over his fear of it enough to actually use it/he gets too old for it and we can give it to someone else.

harryhausen · 08/12/2013 15:53

My Mil is a bit like this. She will only shop in Argos and isn't online. She always insists on asking the children what they want from the catalogue (up to £50 each!!!! Which I've told her is way too much). Then she can never seem to get what's in the catalogue in store and goes into a spin about it. This year, I had to order it from Amazon to arrive at her house. She's been banging on and on about what a HUGE big stress it is.

Fine! I wish she wouldn't bother then! They'd be happy with a tiny toy or some chocs, or even a small voucher. A book voucher would be great - it doesn't have to be for £50.

My dd and ds are 8 and 6. She knows ds is really into Dr Who, but because she doesn't like it she won't but it. Dr Who is everywhere. Really cheap. Even a jigsaw, he lives those. Dd really just loves cuddly realistic dogs. If she must spend £50 you could get a lovely one for that, but no - Argos don't do them.

I know it sounds awful and materialistic but I'd honestly, honestly think they'd be happy with the smallest thing. It's just the unbendable way that she approaches it - then moans about it!

ChestnutsroastingintheFireligh · 08/12/2013 15:53

She won't let me leave her to it - she insisted I didn't half an hour hunched over ds's iPad (dh pretended his was at work) in the kitchen on the Internet checking stock.

She keeps phoning me about it too.

ChestnutsroastingintheFireligh · 08/12/2013 15:55

Harryhausen - same shop!

Lizzabadger · 08/12/2013 15:55

I think this has become too big a deal.

Let her decide what she buys as presents.

(Fwiw I wouldn't buy a 10-year-old aftershave-type products either.)

HappyMummyOfOne · 08/12/2013 15:56

Why dont you just let her choose for herself? Theres no way i would ket Ds write a list for xmas with gifts of £50 on expecting others to buy them.

If i am asked for ideas, then i keep them cheap and cheerful. Mre generic than an exact item so the giver still has some choice.

ChestnutsroastingintheFireligh · 08/12/2013 15:58

Liza - I've bought the aftershave - I suggested nice shower gels in a gift bag

starofbethlehemfishmummy · 08/12/2013 15:59

I was prepared to say that yabu but it seems that you expected to buy what her kids want but not the other way round. And why ask them to donating.list and then ignore it.

Don't bother next year

ChestnutsroastingintheFireligh · 08/12/2013 16:00

The list isn't just meant for others. There is only one £50 item on which is the amount his grandparents usually spend.

WhoNickedMyName · 08/12/2013 16:00

I think you're both making far too if a deal of this.

If she asks again, say you've given her some ideas, if she doesn't want to buy any of those items them you'll leave it to her to think of something.

And wrt her children, if you don't want to buy them whatever she has suggested, then you think of something.

Ultimately if the children don't like what they've got then e-bay it, return it to the store or give it away.

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