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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be even more annoyed at the benefit system?

107 replies

RoseRedder · 07/12/2013 21:55

I'm not really sure what I want to say about this or how to put it

But my friend has been found dead. Details are at the moment a bit confused and nothing confirmed but it's pointing to suicide

I hadn't had contact with him for about six months then when he asked for help I obviously didn't do enough

about my friend

I found out at 8pm, I'm still taking it in to be honest.

This country stinks to high hell

OP posts:
Original poster
RoseRedder · 07/12/2013 22:52

OHforDUCKSchristmascake we don't know yet

I think it will be a few days before we know for sure

OP posts:
ShylaMcClaus · 07/12/2013 22:55

Oh Christ, I have remembered some of the "advice" on the previous thread.

Shameful.

But those higher up who are encouraging these attitudes are far worse.

Be kind to yourself OP.

SaucyJack · 07/12/2013 22:57

Very sad Sad

WooWooOwl · 07/12/2013 23:10

Yes it is. Why was he even taken off ESA in the first place then WooWoo

Maybe because this government don't give a shit about the vulnerable in our society. It is absolutely disgusting that you are trying to blame this mans illness for this. Disgusting.

How the bloody hell should I know why he was taken off ESA? Neither you nor I know the specifics of this case, but I'm not trying to pretend that I do. There will be lots of details we don't know, and that OP doesn't even know.

I'm not going to be stupid enough to try to defend the decisions that ATOS make when deciding who is and isn't capable of work, it's more than obvious that they are not fit for purpose. But I'm not about to jump to conclusions about things I know next to nothing about, especially the conclusion that someone who has MS can't work, or that MS isn't a very significant factor in someone committing suicide when they have it.

Suicide does not always have a trigger. It may well have had a trigger this time, and it sounds like it could well have done, but it is not accurate to say that suicide always has a trigger.

Original poster
RoseRedder · 07/12/2013 23:16

Shyla I did have some great advice on that thread

I learnt about zero income claims, help and support for people with ms

ESA appeals processes loads of really helpful things, and I'm really grateful for the people such as yourself boffinmum, sockreturningpixie and everyone else for providing actual help and useful links

To the people, and there were , a few who acted like closed minded idiots, well you know, I feel sorry for them in a way

Frienship and compassion is worth far far far more than money

OP posts:
ShylaMcClaus · 07/12/2013 23:22

You did have good advice, Rose. And you were being a fantastic friend to have posted in the first place.

Original poster
RoseRedder · 07/12/2013 23:24

@woowoo Suicide does not always have a trigger

well we don't all go around committing suicicde so surely every suicide must have some reason/trigger that tips that person into suicide?

OP posts:
Darkesteyes · 07/12/2013 23:27

YY Shyla. He had a great friend in you Rose x

Original poster
RoseRedder · 07/12/2013 23:30

woowoo I've re read what you are saying and I apologise

You could be right his MS may have played a part

I really don't know , I really don't

OP posts:
WooWooOwl · 07/12/2013 23:31

Of course. But the reason isn't neccesarily the same as a trigger.

I took 'trigger' to mean the straw that broke the camel's back as it were, not the main reason.

Original poster
RoseRedder · 07/12/2013 23:35

And if I actually was a great friend I'd have given him more than £20

I probably was the last resort and I let him down

OP posts:
PansOnFire · 07/12/2013 23:44

I'm so sorry OP, how awful.

You didn't let him down, you swapped money for vouchers and helped him keep his dignity. You said he borrowed money and then avoided you because he couldn't pay it back, he might have felt awkward if you insisted on only giving him the money. You've been a lovely friend to him, the system has let him down.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

moldingsunbeams · 07/12/2013 23:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

moldingsunbeams · 07/12/2013 23:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

piratecat · 07/12/2013 23:50

RoseRedder, i was on your other thread.

I am so shocked, and sorry.

and angry. x

WooWooOwl · 07/12/2013 23:50

Cross posted.

RoseRedder, please do try not to blame yourself, it is very much NOT your fault.

People don't choose to end their lives because their friend didn't lend them enough money. People end their lives because their ability to cope with their pain is outweighed by that pain. The reasons are complex and varied, but it is never the fault of one person who tried to help.

For all you know right now, your friend had his suicide in mind for a while, and just wanted contact with you one last time.

I hope you're not on your own tonight.

nennypops · 07/12/2013 23:54

This is so awful, I'm really sorry.

But it's not this country that stinks, it is this utterly vile government. Cameron and Duncan-Smith have blood on their hands.

Original poster
RoseRedder · 07/12/2013 23:55

this is the last text he sent me

soz im bk mine if u cn call jst a broken guy at the moment and vry pissed off

OP posts:
LoopyLobster · 07/12/2013 23:56

:( So sad. Are you OK?

Original poster
RoseRedder · 08/12/2013 00:03

I did call him, but obviously it wasn't enough.

He name was Steven

OP posts:
Darkesteyes · 08/12/2013 00:03

You did NOT let him down Rose NO WAY The system did.

Original poster
RoseRedder · 08/12/2013 00:04

His name

OP posts:
Breezy1985 · 08/12/2013 00:11

I am so so sorry Thanks This wasn't your fault, it really wasn't, it's the stupid bloody governments fault. You were a great friend.

ShylaMcClaus · 08/12/2013 00:13

Rest in Peace, Steven.