Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Chicken pox parties

213 replies

RosebudTheCat · 07/12/2013 12:19

A relative has asked if I'd like to expose my two kids to her DD, who has chicken pox. My youngest is just 8mo. AIBU to think it was a stupid question to ask? Do people really still do 'chicken pox parties'?

OP posts:
ClutchingPearls · 08/12/2013 13:27

My DS had horrendous complications last Christmas due to CP. He has and always will have a very different life. He's happy and content but its been a battle for him.
It took me a good 6-9 months to stop blaming myself for what's happened (he caught it from siblings) but our life, while improving is a struggle. If he had caught it from a party I know I wouldn't be able to stop blaming myself.

I truly believe how/when he got it didn't affect his reaction to it, he was always going to be this badly affected no matter what. But its in hindsight that I can see that, if a party was the how he got it then I wouldn't have believed hindsight.

fortifiedwithtea · 08/12/2013 13:49

When DD1 was a toddler I was in regular contact with the mums I met at ante natal swimming. One morning the toddlers were playing and this friend suggested we usher the children away from the window so as not to upset the neighbours.

The neighbours were grieving parents of a 7 year old who died from complications of chicken pox. The hearse had just drawn up and I shall never forget the sight of the small white coffin. So utterly sad.

Anyone who deliberately tries to infect a child with cp is a moron.

ZeViteVitchofCwismas · 08/12/2013 13:58

One of our NCT MUms was secretly exposing her DC to it, without telling the whole group. I was so cross. So utterly breath taking ignorant. She had an older DC and a baby, about 6 months, so was exposing all of us.

I think people should always inform themselves of the whole picture before plunging into things like pox parties or exposing children deliberately then meeting up with other babies.

My baby did eventually catch it, and it was a nightmare, she got very ill with it. She was still a baby so very high chance of being sick with it again. so totally pointless.

I know more DC who have been fine than ill, however its not something I would deliberalty go and give to my DC.

ZeViteVitchofCwismas · 08/12/2013 14:00

fortified

Thats soooo sad.

grimbletart · 08/12/2013 14:26

Stupid. Won't think it's such a good idea when they get shingles later on and spent months in neurological pain.

BackOnlyBriefly · 08/12/2013 14:45

grimbletart that's right cos if you don't get it on purpose you certainly won't get it later on...

Seriously it would be something to approach carefully and taking into account who else might be affected, but unless you can guarantee they will never get it then it's simply a question of when

ProudAS · 08/12/2013 18:47

Quite right BackOn

An unvaccinated person will almost certainly get chicken pox at some time (possibly as an adult or when ill with something else) so the question isn't whether they will get it but when.

Deliberate exposure at a pox party will probably result in a milder dose than catching it from a sibling.

Stories of brain damage or death from deliberate exposure are dreadful but the outcome would probably have been the same had the child caught it naturally. Pox parties almost certainly prevent more complications than they cause due to the increased risks when catching it as an adult.

DH and BIL had CP as adults and wished they had been exposed as children. They didn't get complications but BIL had a scare.

If you don't want your DCs to get CP get them vaccinated. Its a small price to pay for peace of mind.

ProudAS · 08/12/2013 18:51

Quite right BackOn

An unvaccinated person will almost certainly get chicken pox at some time (possibly as an adult or when ill with something else) so the question isn't whether they will get it but when.

Deliberate exposure at a pox party will probably result in a milder dose than catching it from a sibling.

Stories of brain damage or death from deliberate exposure are dreadful but the outcome would probably have been the same had the child caught it naturally. Pox parties almost certainly prevent more complications than they cause due to the increased risks when catching it as an adult.

DH and BIL had CP as adults and wished they had been exposed as children. They didn't get complications but BIL had a scare.

If you don't want your DCs to get CP get them vaccinated. Its a small price to pay for peace of mind.

SparkleToffee · 08/12/2013 18:59

I cannot stand people's blasé attitude to CP. both my DC had it st the same time last summer.DS was fine, DD was only 3.5 and had it horrifically. She has over 600 spots and had them every where. After 5 days she was so ill I had to take her to hospital, where she was admitted snd in a drip for 4 days, in isolation. Drs told me she had secondary skin infection - same one that gives people group b strep and toxic shock syndrome.......it awful all her sores were infected and she was barely conscious.

My heart broke watching her in that hospital bed to ill to even lift up her hand, sobbing in pain, covered in sores. I cannot tell you how bad I felt and she just caught it as it was going round . If I had deliberately done that to her I would never have forgiven myself . She is fine thankfully, badly scarred but a year and s bit later they are grading slowly .

It was awful and people need to be a lot more aware of how serious a condition it is.

IslaValargeone · 08/12/2013 19:01

I am astonished that anyone would suggest that someone deliberately exposes their child to chicken pox.

IslaValargeone · 08/12/2013 19:02

sparkle glad your dd has recovered, I can't imagine how horrific that must have been for you.

SparkleToffee · 08/12/2013 19:03

Sorry - stafftacocus aureas is what she had that causes toxic shock and that flesh eating disease.... So pretty serious!!

breatheslowly · 08/12/2013 19:18

ProudAS why would CP be worse from a sibling than a CP party? Do you have any evidence to support that suggestion?

oodyboodyboocs · 08/12/2013 19:34

As others have said above you especially don't want the younger one to get it because of the increased risk of childhood shingles. My dd caught chicken pox at 10 months old when her elder siblings had it. She then had quite a painful dose of shingles when she was 5.

ProudAS · 08/12/2013 19:36

I've read higher up this thread and on other threads that second sibling usually gets it worse because they are generally more exposed.

bumbleymummy · 08/12/2013 20:01

I don't think I would intentionally expose my children at an early age but I would possibly consider it if they were older and still hasn't contracted it. Both of mine have had it already anyway so it's not something I have to think about. Aside from being a bit headachy on the first day and then itchy for a couple of days they were fine. This seems to be the case for the vast majority which is why I suppose some people seem slightly blase about it. Yes, there can be complications (some with tragic consequences) but they are certainly not the norm and probably just seem more frequent than they actually are because you tend to read about them on threads like this whereas people will rarely talk about their fairly normal case of CP. There can also be complications from a cold but people are quite blase about catching colds too.

SparkleToffee · 08/12/2013 20:23

The thing that I find upsetting, with people being blasé, is that yes complications are quite rare, but you have no idea if that will be your child or not that gets them. I had no indication that my DD would be so ill. People are quite often, uninformed about the risks and many people who heard about what happened to my DD had no idea you could be that ill, or worse from CP. unlike a cold, which you have very little control over catching, IMO it is simply wrong for people to have "parties" for DC to contract illnesses that can cause horrific complications. They aren't "getting it out of the way", they are taking uninformed risks.

tummybummer · 08/12/2013 20:44

Chicken pox isn't always mild - it can have very serious consequences. Rare - but serious. Would you want to feel that you had caused your child (or another's child) to be very seriously ill? On purpose? No, me either.

There is NO excuse for this. If you really want it 'out of the way' so badly, then bloody well vaccinate them.

bumbleymummy · 08/12/2013 20:52

Colds can have horrific complications too Sparkle...

Tummy, as others have mentioned, the vaccines aren't 100% effective and immunity from them can wane leaving your children vulnerable as adults.

gastrognome · 08/12/2013 21:02

My child also suffered severe complications of CP. Most likely caught at her own birthday party when one of her friend's parents brought along the contagious little brother but neglected to mention this to me. Found out the later that they had been laughing and joking and telling the other parents to bring their kids over to him so they could catch it too. One parent there was 6 months pregnant. I was fuming when I found out the parents knew their son was contagious.

As it was, despite getting a fairly mild case of CP (only about 50 spots), my DD ended up with a severe strep infection and was going into toxic shock by the time I got her to hospital. She then suffered further complications but fortunately was ok after 2 weeks in hospital.

I was angry with myself as I'd wanted to get her vaccinated but the doc had talked me out of it (said healthy kids didn't get complications). I cannot imagine how I would have felt if I'd exposed her intentionally.

Mandy21 · 08/12/2013 21:14

It makes me so angry that CP is classed as a 'mild childhood disease' and isnt it better to get it over and done with? People wanting to 'control' when their children get it so they don't have to take time off work? Seriously?!

We know of 2 children (both family friends, separate families, different ends of the country) where their children had strokes as a result of getting CP. One was hospitalised for months in a regional (specialist) hospital 60 miles from home. 2 years later, he still hasnt got the full use of one side. Its heart breaking. Would they always have reacted like that? I don't think so, maybe in later years their immune systems might have been stronger, it might have been a particular strain of CP which caused the complications.

It beggars belief that any parent might deliberately expose a child to that risk, however small that risk is.

Pinholes · 08/12/2013 21:20

I was fuming at one of the mum's at school last week, didn't say anything but I really wish I had. 4yo DS came out of school and spotted this woman's toddler in the buggy (he's friends with the older brother). He ran over to "say hello to XXXX's baby brother". He was kissing the baby, rubbing his cheek on his cheek, etc, then ran off to play. The mother then told me, laughingly, that the little one has chickenpox. DS was with him for a good five minutes, she could have shoo'd him off or mentioned before DS started kissing him. I'm 7m pregnant and DD has a shitty immune system.

Deliberately infecting a child is wrong IMO. If left to their own devices its not 100% that they'll catch CP, some people never ever catch it, so arguing that the end result of infection would be the same regardless of whether that infection is deliberate isn't a valid argument. That child may be the child who will have a bad reaction to CP but they may never actually catch it, so that bad reaction never happens. On the other hand they may get deliberately infected and have an awful reaction. I don't think I'd be able to live with the guilt if it was me TBH.

bumbleymummy · 08/12/2013 21:31

Pinholes, chickenpox is endemic in the UK. The vast majority of people will catch it.

Incidence of serious complications is around 0.85 in 100,0000 iirc.

Altinkum · 08/12/2013 21:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ZeViteVitchofCwismas · 08/12/2013 21:40

Yes but Bumble even if not serious as in hospitilsation, many parents do have a nasty border line time of it, with secondary infections.

The infection that sparkle talks of has killed a good friends of mines mother, quickly and put another in hospital for months.

You cover and or put antiseptic on a cut to stop infection. with CP you are creating raw wounds usually all over the body.

When my DD finally got it at three, she was nice and strong and healthy and I was in the right time to also have her at home.

The lady that was happily trying to expose our whole NCT grroup, may have found the time was right for her to expose us all, but it wasn't right for the rest of us.

When by baby did get it, she was very ill, her temp was shooting up, fast, it was during the heatwave, she was inflamed with the spots, and a secondary infection, she would not take the anti biotics, she was EBF and not used to anything else but me, it was awful.

Not hospitalised, not serious serious, but enough of a worry to give me some more grey hairs.