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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH said this joke on fb

80 replies

bluskies · 06/12/2013 19:07

I'm an on-off regular but name changed.

My dh has hurt me in our relationship (another thread) last night had a huge argument..some things he has done came out and he realises that I'll never forget about these things (lying about huge debts, searching for women online amongst other things... oh calling me fat - I'm size 10/12 and a lot younger than him..I make an effort with appearance - he's the one who is over weight)

Anyway things have been tough at the moment (redundancy and mortgage to be paid - wishing for a miracle) and this morning we said we'd have a fresh start and start being kind to one another - no more nastiness and so on.

Anyway today he sent me this joke which he thinks is hysterical and then he has just put it on Facebook

this is the joke

'I've had enough of Christmas. All year long I work my f**g fingers to the bone to buy all the presents that my kids ask for. And what happens Christmas morning? That fat fu**r with a beard gets all the credit!! Still I suppose it's my fault for marrying her.'

Btw I love comedy but AIBU to feel so Sad about his 'joke'

He's just told me to 'get over myself'

Thankyou for reading

OP posts:
GobbySadcase · 06/12/2013 19:09

YANBU at all given his previous behaviour.
You might like to let him know he lacks the warmth and depth to be a cunt. See how he likes them apples.

ReluctantBeing · 06/12/2013 19:11

I would not be amused.

Backtobedlam · 06/12/2013 19:11

YANBU-in light of whats happened/what you've discussed that's not even remotely funny.

Vivacia · 06/12/2013 19:12

I can not imagine that level of disrespect or unkindness between me and my partner.

WandaDoff · 06/12/2013 19:12

LTB

You could do better.

foslady · 06/12/2013 19:12

Tell me again why you are with him?

tinmug · 06/12/2013 19:13

Oh wow OP. I would also be upset if I were you. Your relationship really doesn't sound great. What are the good bits - why are you still with him?

Finola1step · 06/12/2013 19:13

Oh dear. YANBU. He is a prick.

Might be best to ask MNHQ to move this thread to Relationships where you will hopefully receive lots if advice and support (if that's what you want).

AIBU can be a tad harsh at times.

ccsays · 06/12/2013 19:15

YANBU. He sounds like an all round arsehole.

tiddleypompom · 06/12/2013 19:16

Nope. Not even a little wimper of a smile here. If not amusing to a stranger I'd say YANBU as his wife. All a bit too Bernard Manning & particularly crass given your recent agreement to treat each other better.

'get over yourself' is unpleasant too. I'm afraid I don't like the sound of your DH very much.

I hope you've others in your life who take the time to make you feel valued & loved.

JeanSeberg · 06/12/2013 19:16

Why are you still with him after everything that's happened?

veee123 · 06/12/2013 19:18

That joke was actually funny. Don't take it to hurt. Just a joke.

imalama · 06/12/2013 19:21

YANBU. He sounds like a jerk. If your husband thinks you need to lose some weight you could always drop the 180lbs + that he weighs!

JeanSeberg · 06/12/2013 19:22

I suppose she shouldn't take all the other shitty behaviour to heart either, eh, veee?

Original poster
bluskies · 06/12/2013 19:24

Thankyou everyone - I know I shouldn't be with him but things are quite difficult right now (2 young ds's /no support network, financial problems could go on!)
veee- I guess I was hoping in a weird way that everyone would say that so then I could think I was being 'precious' but I love a joke but it hurt esp being on fb for people to see..kind of disrespectful

He is now packing his bags (but has no place to go..in the past he's racked up credit cards for hotels whenever I tell him he's upset me..he's the one btw who is out of work so can't even afford said hotel)

OP posts:
pianodoodle · 06/12/2013 19:24

Ugh who is he Roy Chubby Brown?

In the context of the other things you mention, he's an idiot.

veee123 · 06/12/2013 19:26

Jean no but she said they were making a fresh start so I take that is putting things behind and start again. In the context of just the joke I dont think its bad. But of course don't know all the history.

JeanSeberg · 06/12/2013 19:30

We know enough about the history to know he's a disrespectful dickhead though don't we?

OutragedFromLeeds · 06/12/2013 19:32

I think it's slightly amusing, but you obviously don't and he should know his audience.

Vivacia · 06/12/2013 19:36

It's downright nasty veee, as is his, "get over myself". That's not starting afresh, that's having another fucking go.

juniper9 · 06/12/2013 19:36

It's from today's Sickipedia.

I think it's just a joke, personally, but I can see why you're hurt. I'm sure the people reading it don't really think you have a beard.

tinmug · 06/12/2013 19:38

I have to say that I don't actually think calling one's wife and the mother of one's children "the fat fucker with a beard" is particularly funny. If I saw that on Facebook I'd think the man who posted it was an embarrassingly pathetic, attention-seeking arsehole.

IronOrchid · 06/12/2013 19:38

Joke is unfunny and disrespectful - he's made a point of making it public (good old FB) as some kind of misogynist passive-aggressive bullshit. YANBU to be annoyed.

PosyNarker · 06/12/2013 19:42

Well if he was charming, complimentary and respectful, I'd say "it's just a joke" and it probably is just a joke (doubt he really aimed it at you).

Having said that, since he has form for being an arse and knows it, he should be a bit more sensitive. The fact he said 'no more nastiness' then can't see how this upset you makes me think the message isn't really hitting home. 'I didn't mean anything by it, but I am sorry I upset you and will take it down' would have been the least I'd expect in the circumstances.

YANBU just my view but in the circumstance I think it's only fair to need time and space before jokey banter of this sort is on the menu (if ever).

FWIW my DP indicated that he would probably find that pretty funny if delivered by a professional comedian, but would almost certainly not if a mate put it on FB and we knew their wife as then it becomes personal and be extension, disrespectful.

namechangesforthehardstuff · 06/12/2013 19:43

Well even as a joke if you were seeing the funny side of it it's still misogynist and unoriginal. Me, I wouldn't want to sleep with an unoriginal misogynist.