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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH said this joke on fb

80 replies

bluskies · 06/12/2013 19:07

I'm an on-off regular but name changed.

My dh has hurt me in our relationship (another thread) last night had a huge argument..some things he has done came out and he realises that I'll never forget about these things (lying about huge debts, searching for women online amongst other things... oh calling me fat - I'm size 10/12 and a lot younger than him..I make an effort with appearance - he's the one who is over weight)

Anyway things have been tough at the moment (redundancy and mortgage to be paid - wishing for a miracle) and this morning we said we'd have a fresh start and start being kind to one another - no more nastiness and so on.

Anyway today he sent me this joke which he thinks is hysterical and then he has just put it on Facebook

this is the joke

'I've had enough of Christmas. All year long I work my f**g fingers to the bone to buy all the presents that my kids ask for. And what happens Christmas morning? That fat fu**r with a beard gets all the credit!! Still I suppose it's my fault for marrying her.'

Btw I love comedy but AIBU to feel so Sad about his 'joke'

He's just told me to 'get over myself'

Thankyou for reading

OP posts:
Original poster
bluskies · 06/12/2013 19:45

Thankyou everyone. Very supportive. Means alot

OP posts:
BrianButterfield · 06/12/2013 19:47

My BIL posted that joke too. He also posted 'zzz' when DH posted a link to the 'best comebacks to sexist comments' from the Everyday Sexism project, which I think neatly illustrates why I married one brother, not the other one. Most men wouldn't really think it was funny, to be honest.

HaroldTheGoat · 06/12/2013 19:47

I agree, if it was a comedian then perhaps funny but when it's directed at an actual person it's mean. I would not be impressed either and if I saw A A male friend put this I'd like he was a knob.

Not funny. Stick to your guns.

LEMisafucker · 06/12/2013 19:47

Why is he leaving? have you asked him to or is he making a point?

monicalewinski · 06/12/2013 19:52

It's a joke.

But it's one of those jokes that is so 'obvious' and easy (not clever/edgy) in it's humour and punchline that it just isn't what a lot of people nowadays would find funny - v Bernard Manning/Jim Davidson.

The type of people who genuinely find this funny rather than a token half-assed smile are usually quite shallow and not very witty or are the stereoptypical 'large characters' who 'call a spade a spade'.

That said, it is still a joke, and I wouldn't be offended by it myself - but in the context of your situation at the moment it would probably be a deal breaker for me tbh.

YANBU

picnicbasketcase · 06/12/2013 19:54

As a joke it's not particularly funny anyway, but the real problem is the spirit in which it's been told, which is mean and hurtful. And he sounds like a prick. Sorry.

LynetteScavo · 06/12/2013 19:56

YANBU.

He sounds like a right fat f**er with a beard.

ShinyBauble · 06/12/2013 22:18

Yeah, he's a twat. While he's sulking at the hotel have a good long think about what he brings to the table, and whether you might be a hell of a lot happier with him gone!

NigellaLaw5on · 06/12/2013 22:31

It was a joke not a personal insult, get over yourself and lighten up.

WaffilyVersatile · 06/12/2013 22:36

I would have commented "yup, a beard and bigger balls than you too!"

DP might think it was funny but tbh people will be laughing at him being pathetic.

Doubletroublemummy2 · 06/12/2013 22:41

He sounds disgusting

fancyanotherfez · 06/12/2013 22:43

That's a nasty thing to put on Facebook. Way too personal. I wouldn't find it in the least bit funny, even in a relationship that wasn't going through problems. It's insulting and humiliating. Especially if your friends can see what he has said.

heartshape · 06/12/2013 22:49

if you are a fat fucker with a beard you could take it as a personal insult aimed at you , but if you are slim and beard free as im sure you are ,you should take it as the joke it was meant to be .

DirtyDancingCleanLiving · 06/12/2013 22:51

I thinks it's quite funny actually. Unless you're actually fat and have a beard, in which case I can see why it would be a little close to the mark.

I think you're being too sensitive op. If you've sat down and agreed that it's a fresh start then take it as what it is - a joke.

GuybrushThreepwoodMP · 06/12/2013 23:06

You are definitely NOT being oversensitive. My dh takes the piss out of me a lot- we both do and we have a very jokey relationship but never ever would he make such a nasty and personal joke and never in public.
What a dick. He sounds like absolute dead weight. Get rid.
Does he have any good points?

Greensleeves · 06/12/2013 23:16

Are you married to David Brent? What a sad, vicious little inadequate he is.

Get rid of him. However hard it is on your own, at least you won't have him sucking all the life out of you. And what a tremendous example for his children. Ugh.

QuintessentialShadows · 06/12/2013 23:21

So the moment you decide to have a fresh start and stop the nastyness, he publicly humiliates you and call it a joke and says you need to "get over yourself"?

He has no intention of stopping the nastiness. He has just upped it to a different level.

QuintessentialShadows · 06/12/2013 23:22

It would have been possible to regard it a joke, if it was not for the last sentence "Still I suppose it's my fault for marrying her."

BumWad · 06/12/2013 23:25

What a knob

YANBU

HoHoHopasholic · 06/12/2013 23:44

YANBU. I know you've nc'd but I recognise your story. Let him go and dont let him back.

He's not funny, he's cruel.

Blu · 07/12/2013 00:10

The joke (such as it is) isn't about you and no one will think it is. As you do not have a beard and are slim. Also they won't think it is about him, as the ref to working isn't accurate if he is out of work, so a v cruel joke against himself. It is a joke about fictional people. A bit of a twatty old school joke.

But really if you are rowing and he is bag packing it isn't really about the joke. The deceit about money and online women are more serious reasons to question the relationship. You must be under strain because of the redundancy but lying and online betrayal aren't the default reaction to financial stress. He has seriously betrayed you there. This is the fulcrum of what is wrong with your relationship. Focus on that.

Sorry things are so hard, OP.

SecretWitch · 07/12/2013 00:18

YANBU. He has not upheld his part of the 'fresh start' bargain. He is being viscious to you in a very sly, very nasty way, given your history. I wish you the best, OP. You have some choices you can make about your life and how you want to be treated.

intitgrand · 07/12/2013 01:14

i thimk it is funny ,if dh posted that i wouldn't be offended at all .i woulf just know itwas the punchline of a joke than being about me personally. However context is everything. your relationship and self esteem are frsgile at the moment and it was an ill thought out thing to do.

wingsflapping · 07/12/2013 01:14

I would suggest, as an interim, post as comment on his FB what PP suggested : I could always drop the 180lbs + that [DH name] weighs. But the beard stays!

See how he likes the joke when turned against him! Funny how sense of humour failure will turn round and bite his bum.

bumbumsmummy · 07/12/2013 01:43

Oh my word are you ok ? That's not funny at all and he knows how upset you get about fat jokes ?

Childish arse

He's projecting seen as he is actually the fat one x