Page 5 | To be fed up at being poor

Witco · 2013-12-05T22:43:27+00:00

DH and I have worked hard since leaving school, taken parenting seriously and find ourselves poor in our late 40s and in negative equity. WTF?

Whentheredredrobingoesbobbobbo · 06/12/2013 10:58

By going wild I just mean spending a shit lad of money we do t really have

UmpireOnCall · 06/12/2013 11:00

Maybe the mascara gives her a brave face!
Fgs i saved for a 25% on a house and during that time i said no to somethings and yes to others (in terms of non essentials) but it was my choice, according to whatmattered most to me.

MrsSippie · 06/12/2013 11:06

I think we must be the 'wrong' sort of poor too. We are paying interest only on our mortgage and can't see it ever changing to be honest. We do have a fair bit of equity in it which hopefully won't change as we live in a seriously booming town, but after paying all bills and food etc we have nothing left over - used to have holidays and nice clothes but simply don't now. I sometimes feel really pissed off about it and do the 'why do we work' speech to myself, but whilst we are 'poor' compared to how we were, we really aren't 'poor'. But, I do understand how people feel that way when things change so much. If that makes sense....

MNHQ

JulieMumsnet · 06/12/2013 11:11

Morning!

What's happened to 'goodwill to all mumsnetters' and all of that?

AChristmassyJerseySpud · 06/12/2013 11:17

I guess Julie that when people are really truely suffering with being poor, someone complaining of being 'poor; when the reality is different grates.

YouAreMyFavouriteWasteOfTime · 06/12/2013 11:22

I guess Julie that when people are really truely suffering with being poor, someone complaining of being 'poor; when the reality is different grates.

by your approach only the poorest globally can really complain. so maybe MN should mock everyone who lives on more than $1 per day?

or maybe we just cut others some slack?

AChristmassyJerseySpud · 06/12/2013 11:25

There is a difference between complaining about being in negative equity with their home and some people being unable to heat their homes or pay the bills no matter how much they save.

boschy · 06/12/2013 11:26

I'm with you mrssippie. our standard of living has gone down the plughole in the last 5 years. no holidays, no new clothes for me or DH unless seriously necessary. 2 teenagers - bloody expensive. we also an interest only mortgage and a (hopefully) good amount of equity.

but we struggle to pay the bills every single month...

YouAreMyFavouriteWasteOfTime · 06/12/2013 11:28

but someone with no money to pay bills but no debt is richer in absolute terms than someone with an unsecured debt i.e. negative equity.

the former may be in social housing and at low risk of eviction. the NE household are at the 'mercy' of their bank.

MNHQ

JulieMumsnet · 06/12/2013 11:37

@AChristmassyJerseySpud

I guess Julie that when people are really truely suffering with being poor, someone complaining of being 'poor; when the reality is different grates.

Different lives have different problems but they are all problems to the person who starts the thread the talk guidelines reply to every post (and lovely talk guidelines they are).

MuddyWellyNelly · 06/12/2013 11:53

OP you are getting a lot of stick from some very virtuous people. I wish I was as able to rationalise my problems down to "inconsequential" as they all seem to. .

To me, I read your post as "surely by this stage in life, things should be easier". Yes, they should. Live sometimes throws a real crapfest at us, and it's ok to let it get you down sometimes. Whilst I am in no way poor, I do sometimes look at the life we have now, based on how it would have been if we were 20 years older. As in, the standard of living we'd have had on our relative salaries would have been much better, as wage inflation has just not kept up with house prices and RPI. But if the money worries are really getting you down, I can highly recommend the forums on MoneySavingExpert. So have as much of a whinge and a wallow as you like, then get proactive :).

MrsSippie · 06/12/2013 12:12

That's it exactly - we are 'older' and feel that by now, surely, our lives should kind of be reaping what we have sowed into them! if we were both ten years younger, I probably wouldn't feel so despondent.
DH is superb at the finances and we even had a financial advisor who gave us a free hour saying there was nothing he could do to advise us as we are doing everything 'right'.
Still, I'm sitting on my bed in my house with the heating on - worrying a bout having the heating on for sure, but knowing we will be able to pay it - we won't be going away, going out, having much for christmas - but we can pay the heating bill.

youretoastmildred · 06/12/2013 12:17

hi MrsSippie!
I was just about to come on the make that point. It's hard in your 40s when you can't see what you can dramatically change. In your 20s you expect to earn crap while you get a career going, you get your head down and do your best and look for steps up that you can apply for. To be honest that lasted for me well into my 30s. At some point you feel like you should be able to breathe and look around, like you have cycled to the top of the hill, or at least this hill, but I feel like it will be a head down climb with no let up till I die.

boschy · 06/12/2013 12:21

mildred and mrssippie - yy to both of you. when on earth is it going to get easier? even just a little bit easier would be good, I'm not thinking yachts and Cristal champagne, just being able to pay the bills, buy some clothes and perhaps think about a minibreak would be nice?!

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 06/12/2013 12:26

Woowooowl

"Do those of you that eat less than you need and have the heating less than you would like sit there with a warm fuzzy glow of an evening thinking about how lucky you are because at least you arent on the streets, or living in a country that gives no benefits, no healthcare and no eduction?

No. Thought not."

Umm yeah i kinda do. Most days when i feel a whinge coming on about the crappy taste of cheap butter or that i cant take the dcs to see santa it quickly changes to relief that i have any butter and that my dcs have warm beds in which to wait for santa's arrival in december 25th. I'm skint. We have been hand to mouth for about 3 years now but i know how lucky we are.

UmpireOnCall · 06/12/2013 12:50

Well, i'm with the 40 somethings. I can relate to the notion that in your forties things should be a bit easier! I'm lucky not to be in NE but I recognise that it is luck not judgement so I've got sympathy for people who are trapped.

Honestly I can't understand the hard time the OP got here. Baffles me.

Just because she bought a Lancome mascara once??? I scrimped and splurged as I saw fit when I was saving. It was MY decision where to scrimp and save and when, for the good of my mental health, to loosen the belt a bit.

Upcycled · 06/12/2013 12:56

Well OP s asking opinions on AIBU....

I missed the memo saying that we are not allowed to say that from our perspective and viewpoint OPs are being U.

She isn't poor no matter how we look at it.
Wrong choice of word and drama.

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 06/12/2013 12:57

"But someone with no money to pay bills but no debt is richer in absolute terms than someone with an unsecured debt i.e negative equity

The former may be in social housing and at low risk of eviction. The NE household are at the mercy of their bank"

may be in social housing. I'm not- i'm a private tenant and have been late with my rent every month since march. My LL is so far tolerating it- i'm terrified that if something happens and i need to spend (car breaks down-need it for work) some money that i wont be able to make it up again and LL will serve notice.

Also- being richer in absoloute terms means nothing in this scenario.
when you have no money to buy food you dont say well at least my home isnt in negative equity like my neighbour who can still buy food!

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 06/12/2013 13:03

I dont know what this is about lancome mascara. But i get your point that your splurged when you saw fit which of course is entirely your business and no doesnt mean you are rolling in it or have your priorities wrong but understand that for someone who has never had the choice of splurging or not splurging that would be an indication of you not actually being poor. Unless it was in poundland? Was it? I have no idea if lancome can be bought in poundland

YouAreMyFavouriteWasteOfTime · 06/12/2013 13:06

Also- being richer in absoloute terms means nothing in this scenario.

of course it does. the bank can seize their asset back - the OPs home - when they want to and leave her with the debt.

youretoastmildred · 06/12/2013 13:09

I think it can be useful and uplifting as an individual to focus on what you have rather than what you haven't. If you can.

But I think as a society we should be getting a bit angrier about wealth distribution and focusing on that. Not meaningless self pity. but it is ok, and right and good to say "hang on this isn't fair". It needs to encompass those for whom it is even less fair. but it can be said by us about ourselves too

I know why we don't seem to have much money. It is because childcare is expensive, housing and utilities and transport are expensive; and because salaries haven't risen in real terms despite the actual work getting greatly more demanding as people get "restructured" out all around you, year on year. so at the same time as the money not going very far, I don't have the time or energy to top it up by any other work, or even by making stuff at home that I could in principle.

yes I am lucky I have a job under those circs.
but I am working damned hard for not much, in real terms.

Why? where is it all going?
my CM isn't rich
I'm not rich
The people who sold me this house aren't rich (they just had to buy another one, at the same inflated prices)

the people who own my company are very very rich
those who benefited from the privatisation of rail are very rich
I should think there are some big cheeses at e-on who are pretty fucking rich on a personal level no matter how much hand wringing they made need to do about profits now and then

I think it's fine to say "where's mine"? I am a higher rate tax payer who walks 5 miles a day to save getting a travel card. I'm not complaining about walking per se but it does feel a bit Elizabeth Gaskell and a bit incongruous that I am doing it because I can't afford public transport given certain other facts

kotinka · 06/12/2013 13:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsSippie · 06/12/2013 13:52

yes I am lucky I have a job under those circs.
but I am working damned hard for not much

Indeed

And, was I under 30, even under 40, I'd be 'meh, I'll get another job soon..' Thing is, I'm nearly 50, Dh isn't far off 60, we are both in 'career' type jobs - which just happen to pay not very much. I actually do want to stamp and shout 'snot FAIR'

Hi back to you Mildred

Gruffalump · 06/12/2013 13:57

Can't beat a bit of mumsnet competitive poverty...

OP, sorry you are having a hard time, it's shit not to feel that you are reaping the benefit of working hard.

garlicbaubles · 06/12/2013 14:04

Witco's getting stick for her choice of words and the tone of her posts. Being massively fed up that things aren't working out as you hoped is a widely-shared experience. MN is full of sympathetic threads about this, with gentle understanding that grief is an appropriate emotion for hopes, dreams & plans that have gone for ever.

But this isn't what she said. She called herself "poor", on a forum where the proportion of posters suffering real poverty grows noticeably larger by the month. She came back to defend her "worked hard and parented assiduously" complaints, despite others pointing out that genuinely poor people do this, too, it's no defence against the corporate greed that caused the problem.

More standing applause for Mildred at 13:09!
I don't know why we Brits are still whining & sniping at one another, instead of joining hands to do what Iceland did.