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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to let my kids watch telly after school until bedtime

65 replies

fber · 05/12/2013 17:58

My kids, 4 & 5, don't do anything after school. I work from home and so go and get them, let them veg in front of the telly while I work on the laptop, bring them in to the kitchen and try to get some coversation out of them over tea (which I eat with them) and then let them watch telly again until its bathtime.

I get the terrible guilts that I'm not taking them to tennis lessons etc! Although they do both do dancing/sports skills on Tuesdays.

AIBU?

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 05/12/2013 18:00

why not play games with them, or read, or do something other than dossing in front of a tv

ocelot41 · 05/12/2013 18:02

Of course not - kids need chill time too! Suggest some other things to do some nights if you want (read a book, play a board game etc) or go out to a park for a runaround in the spring. But they are probably pretty tired after school.

Merguez · 05/12/2013 18:04

YANBU

Wait until they get addicted to computers.Mine are older now and I would much rather they watch TV than play computer games.

Original poster
fber · 05/12/2013 18:10

I don't play games with them because I'm usually working. We read at bedtime.

OP posts:
rainbow26 · 05/12/2013 18:12

I think parents put too much pressure on themselves sometimes to do after school activities at 4 and 5 IMO their dancing/sports that they do is plenty.They will be doing plenty of activities in school at their age to wear them out.My two ds 9 and 6 like to watch tv and play computer games after school especially now as it's winter.I do encourage them to play with their toys together though or a board game ect.I do understand that you must do your work at home but try to set a bit of time aside each night to do something with them if you can,because habits are harder to break as they get older.I quite enjoy playing connect 4 or playdoh with mine something that doesn't take too much effort if your tired,but gets their mind off the tv Smile

Mintyy · 05/12/2013 18:14

I think yabu, actually. That sounds like too much tv for such young children.

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange · 05/12/2013 18:16

What time do they get home and what time is bath/bedtime?

everlong · 05/12/2013 18:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ElkTheory · 05/12/2013 18:16

How much TV are they actually watching? If it's an hour or so, probably no harm done. But if it's more like 2-3 hours, that is too much, IMO.

I definitely do not think that children need to have millions of activities. In fact, unstructured time is very important for young children. But if they only watch TV each day after school (no imaginative play, running about the garden, drawing, reading, hide and seek, etc.), I would be concerned.

WaffilyVersatile · 05/12/2013 18:16

Up to you, they are your kids.

Some days my 2 watch tv when I have to work, some days they do other stuff. Its neither right nor wrong, its what must be done in order for me to earn money to feed them. Do what fits.

NewtRipley · 05/12/2013 18:17

Do you read with/to them?

I think that's one thing you could do with them which will benefit them enormously at this age.

NewtRipley · 05/12/2013 18:17

Oh sorry, I see you do.

WaffilyVersatile · 05/12/2013 18:19

I don't want to patronise you but I have been working from home since my ds was 4. It took a LONG time for me to find a good balance and my one and only regret was that I spent so long letting him watch tv or play alone while I worked as much as possible. You need to section off even just half hour to engage and do an activity with them if you can - its good practise for you as well as them and will do wonders for your guilt.

Honestly though you will feel guilty no matter what you do, that's the nature of motherhood isn't it?

ShoeWhore · 05/12/2013 18:25

I don't think they need to do lots of formal activities after school but tbh I would be concerned if all they do after school is watch TV. What about playing with their toys or the other things suggested upthread?

I know it's tricky balancing work and the dcs (I do it too) My 3 don't see TV as the automatic thing to do though so they tend to play Lego/imaginative games a lot, interspersed with some TV and time on the Wii. When they were smaller it was harder and I had to catch up on work when they were in bed some evenings.

Mintyy · 05/12/2013 18:31

Can they not go to an after school club or childminder? That is where most working parents would send their young school age children.

fuzzpig · 05/12/2013 18:40

I love chilling out in front of telly (well DVDs really) and we've never had restrictions on after school watching, until the start of this term in September. And I have to say it has had a massive positive impact on family life - more than I was expecting.

My DCs were never 'veg out' types unlike their slothful mummy so were always really over active and fidgety and distracted (sorry that bit may not be relevant to you if yours are better behaved :o)

Since the start of term we've banned telly/DVDs for the DCs after school, Monday to Thursday. A couple of days of whinging and then everything changed for the better. They come in and settle down to play immediately, often sticking happily to one game or toy for the full evenings rather than flitting between several. They do loads more drawing and writing than before and are much more willing to do their school reading - DD's reading has come on in leaps and bounds recently. Generally we are from the 'benign neglect' school of parenting so mostly they just play together but when we do have 'quality time' it's much nicer. We play more games, make music etc. Probably sounds sickening :o but we are much closer and the house is genuinely more peaceful. Friday is movie night which is a real treat.

BTW they aren't screen free in these evenings, they are allowed 30 mins on iPad or DS although don't always ask for it if they're engrossed in their game.

So while I am genuinely not against telly and DVDs (we have hundreds) I think it is well worth trying to cut back and seeing if it makes an impact, if you want to :)

nilbyname · 05/12/2013 18:42

What about setting up some activities for them for when they come back-

Colouring in/making little books, maps, letters
Play doh
Aqua doodle
Pre made biscuit or gingerbread doh, then cut out, and decorate
A den made with torches and books inside

Or just let them play with their toys?

My kids come back, we talk and play, then I start them on a activity, cook tea, eat tea, then one/two episodes of a favourite show like gigglebiz and Sarah and duck (one long, one short)

Then long bath, stories, bed by 7ish.

motherinferior · 05/12/2013 18:45

I second Mintyy's suggestion.

Oblomov · 05/12/2013 18:45

Mine watch a lot of TV. They play lego, wii, bounce on trampoline. But mainly TV. I feel no guilt.

fuzzpig · 05/12/2013 18:54

Yes it can be good to have something ready to play with, it helps to distract them at the moment they'd otherwise be drawn to the tv. Even if it's just putting the tub of lego in the living room.

livinginawinterwonderland · 05/12/2013 19:06

YABU.

Can't you set them up with an activity and then get on with your work? A board game or a jigsaw or colouring or something? Most kids get home from school around 3.30, so if they don't go to bed until 7, that's 3.5 hours of TV a day which is too much imo, sorry.

Artandco · 05/12/2013 19:07

I wouldn't. We also work from home a few days with preschoolers (2-4 years) and they don't actually watch any tv.

If you want them to watch some however no problem but I do think the whole time is a lot. Can you not let them draw/ play dough/ play with toys/ make dens/ trains/ make things/ etc etc and then just an hr of tv later on?

Dh worked from home today.
He took them out early for a run in park at back at 11am. 11-1ish they appear to have made a pirate/ dinosaur/ monster combo out of boxes/ masking tape and paper/ glue. Quiet music in background and dh worked from laptop whilst keeping an eye on them. He said he got a lot done.
1-3 they ate and then napped - dh worked
3-5.30 they made a duvet den under table then took all Lego inside and made something. Then random playing and drawing
I got home 5.30 and we have just done puzzles and read for an hour. Now in bath whilst im typing, Dh carried on working and we will eat after. He also worked early before they woke this am.

Barely any time for tv.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 05/12/2013 19:12

Mine watch TV, look at books, play with their toys. One day a week is swimming, another sports club. They play on the iPad.

Art there is a huge difference between preschoolers and a young child who has spent all day at school. Huge.

DziezkoDisco · 05/12/2013 19:14

I wouldn't, let them play, they're only little for such a short time.

We cut out TV during the week except for odd exceptions, and they just get on and play. Far more relaxed.

A bit telly is already, sounds like too much to me.

PeriodFeatures · 05/12/2013 19:27

If youre not comfortable with the amount of TV they are watching then its probably too much.