To think that it's ok to want to bring up your children and to be a mother, just as it's ok to go out to work instead?

[bronya]

I was brought up to 'have a career' and to think about work not babies. I admit I'd be bored doing nothing, and love the tutoring that I do - but I have no wish at ALL to be the main wage earner and leave the childcare to someone else. When my DS was born, it felt like I was complete. I'm happier, have more self esteem and confidence than I've ever had. I've met many other mums who feel similarly. Surely, our choice is just as valid as those who are WOHM? The point of feminism was that we should have that choice - whichever one we choose is our decision, surely?

The higher rate of tax is paid on salaries above £42K-ish. Not £32K. £10K of tax free earnings + £32K of basic rate earnings = £42K.

We've taken the hit financially and are funding the care of our children ourselves so those with 2 wp on our similar household income should surely do the same.

As I said,choose a cut off,decide what is wealthy and stick with it for everything.

Oh and they could also quit with the "want to get on"bollocks while they're at it.

I think I understand a bit better now why I have always been so uncomfortable with the glib answer that it should just be a woman's choice whether to Be SAHP or WOHP and therefore there is no debate. As expressed in the OP.

You can only have that choice if your partner is happy to make the opposite choice. For a woman to SAH a man has to be the main wage earner.

It will only be a truly equal society and a victory for feminism when the choice is really free. When it is as likely to be the mother or the father who stays at home.

There should be 3 choices. Woman stays home, man stays home or both do 50:50 and all of these should be equally possible.

In reality it is still much harder for it to be the man who stays at home and even 50:50 is hard to really achieve. If things were really equal there wouldn't be so many women saying that they couldn't work because it didn't make financial sense. They would have the choice my DH has to work in despite of it making no 'financial sense' because they want to.

There also wouldn't be so many women like me trying to do it all in the face of 'aren't you lucky that he helps you so much' comments. (Yes, MIL that's you)

So were you out of the country back in March?

I really fail to see your gripe retro.

On the one hand you keep telling us you are a SAHM who has lost CB - therefore your partner must earn 60k min to have lost. That's a damn high income. You could add to it anyway if you wanted- you keep telling us that you could hop back into a high flying career if you wanted. You also said you and your partner have 'fab pensions'. Now, considering pensions have been hit massively, and thinking of my own pension situation, DH and I each pay nigh on £400 a month- each- into ours and I'd describe them as good ... Well, to have fab ones I'm assuming you and your partner must each be paying at least a similar amount into yours every month. For someone who isn't working that's pretty good going, you can hardly claim to have need CB if you're managing that!

Yet still you complain about 'unfairness'. It's really quite odd.

It's childcare vouchers, sovery. The government is thinking about paying 20% of childcare costs, up to £1,200 per child. Of course, you'd only get £1,200 if you've paid out £6,000. Whilst I'm sure SAHPs would like £1,200, I doubt they'd want to part with £6,000 in exchange for it.

How does it not make financial sense to work? Even with child are thrown in you'd still be making money and staying up to date with the cv.

if what you say is true Janey it is not just odd it is greed.

Exactly that, sovery!

"Want to get on bollocks"

Not bollocks, I did want to get on - I wanted to carry on being the best I could be in my career and achieve my potential in my profession - that's not bollocks at all IMO.

I'll repeat again, I funded my own childcare, I paid my own way, I took nothing from the state - only CB, which until recently was paid to everyone.

Why is that not fair? What have I had that a SAHP has been denied??

I was someone who wanted to get on, I went from a life of neglect and deprivation to one of the best universities in the country to two successful careers. I am not sure what is wrong with that.

People have quite distorted views on how much everyone else is pocketing from the government, ime. I've been guilty of it myself.

Ah Janey still fascinated with my financial details as ever,sadly I have no intention of going over them in minute detail on here.

So we'll look at those sahp who will be losing CB.Starts at £50k and gone at £60. Fine if that is what the gov regards as wealthy sooooo not seeing why those on incomes of 80-100 keep it and will get help with childcare on top.The sahp are funding their childcare themselves so surely wp should.

Oh and re our pensions,I have a very money savvy dp and dad,we've also been paying pension contributions a looooong time.For what we want in retirement ie not cruises but enough to not be poverty striven we'll be fine.

Monica those with a sahp want to get on too and work hard.

You were the one who was mocking " getting on"

When I become a SAHP I will be severely pissed off, if I have to work hard. Trying to avoid hard work is exactly what I am trying to avoid,

Well you'll have a shock then.

Not really retro, this is baby number 5, I have been a SAHP for varying lengths with all of them.

We all come to parenting with different tolerances and past experiences.

I didn't say they didn't (unsure why you did a sarcastic face there).

You said:

"Oh and they could also quit with the "want to get on" bollocks while they're at it."

So I replied:

"Not bollocks, I did want to get on - I wanted to carry on being the best I could be in my career and achieve my potential in my profession - that's not bollocks at all IMO."

And you still haven't told me what I got that was denied to a SAHP.

Not all SAHP are at home because they want to be, some have difficulties that mean they can't work whether is disabled child, disabled SAHP, poorly qualified or partner who is never around

I am a SAHM because I love my lattes for example

In the same way that not all WP work because they want to, they can't afford not to. Or may be in jobs that it is hard to take a break from

The problem with these threads is that people naturally talk in generalisations, and then others take it personally. It just goes round and round

I don't believe that retro is just speaking for herself, she feels that some government initiatives are unfair to SAHPs in general

Retro......i must be missing a trick because if I was to go back to work on a £17k job with my dp in his £18k job we wouldn't get any help with childcare.......so how is a family with an income of £80-100k getting help?!?

Monica guess what I'm not talking about you.