Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teacher not caring that much?

58 replies

TeamSouthfields · 04/12/2013 15:04

Hello.

LO, 6, has been having chest pains recently, has been to the doctor and told not to do pe, games or rough play, he has been referred for a paed cardiology appointment, but doctor has said this is precaution not an a&e job at the moment, the school have been told this, in an email and verbally to the class teacher and to the skool office..

so this morning, I tell the teacher he has been having a little pain this morning.. Her response was to turn her head, look at lo, and say 'you have to take responsibility for yourself, if you have chest pain you must sit down, I have a whole class of children, I can't watch you all day'

Now, I know it wasn't life threating, the Dr has said he is ok for skool, and he wasn't crying or anything, just mentioned that he had Abit of pain..
But aibu to think it is the teachers responsibility to look after all the children. It isn't just a sore throat or a grazed knee... I expect the skool to look after him while he is there..
This is a on going thing, he isn't upset, so can't miss skool every day, I am taking him back to the doctors after skool today.
I am mad at teacher, aibu?

OP posts:
SashaOfSiberia · 04/12/2013 15:08

I think the sCHool are looking after him, and I think the teacher is right, she can't read his mind and know if he is in pain so she is right to encourage him to make the decision himself.

If you want the sCHool to do something specific you should have let the sCHool know.

WooWooOwl · 04/12/2013 15:12

Skool? Hmm

The teacher was perfectly reasonable with what she said. She hasn't said anything to indicate that she isn't looking after her class. Presumably she won't be around at lunchtime to stop him from running around anyway, so your ds does need to take responsibility for himself. All she can do is pass the message on to the lunchtime staff.

GoodbyeRubyTuesday · 04/12/2013 15:15

How is she meant to know he has chest pain unless he tells her? And it makes sense for him to just sit down himself rather than having to go and tell her or put his hand up and wait for her to ask him and then her tell him to sit down, every time he has the pain. If this is likely to be an ongoing problem then it is important he learns how to manage it himself as then he will know what to do if the pain comes on during break time or when he is at a friend's house etc. I'm not really sure why you are mad at the teacher? I hope you and DS get some answers soon and that his chest problems can be easily fixed :)

AChristmassyJerseySpud · 04/12/2013 15:16

YABU to spell School Skool.

mumofweeboys · 04/12/2013 15:16

Teacher is right. If he isnt well then he sits down. She cant be expected to notice if he is having some pain unless very obvious.

CoffeeTea103 · 04/12/2013 16:01

The teacher is absolutely right, she has a whole class to look after. Rather tell your DS to alert her if he is unwell. She can't know otherwise unless she is constantly by his side.

YouTheCat · 04/12/2013 16:04

The teacher is right.

If he had asthma he'd be expected to ask for his inhaler. If he has chest pains and needs to rest he'd be expected to sit down.

The teacher hasn't the time to be asking your ds all the time if he wants to sit down.

judgejudithjudy · 04/12/2013 16:07

yabu - what exactly did you want this teacher to do?

NewtRipley · 04/12/2013 16:08

The teacher is right, but it's not the way to express this, in front of the child. There are kinder ways of saying it to the child. Saying "I have a whole class of children" will read to a parent and small child as "you are not important". To a worried parent, that's tactless.

NewtRipley · 04/12/2013 16:09

I am a TA, by the way, and if I heard a teacher or other TA say this I'd think they'd let their stress get in the way of their empathy.

YouTheCat · 04/12/2013 16:09

That would depend entirely on how much time the teacher has already devoted to talking about this every morning.

NewtRipley · 04/12/2013 16:13

YouTheCat

Fair enough

OP - is this a discussion you've had with the teacher before?

LoopyLobster · 04/12/2013 16:17

Teacher sounds very sensible to me.

ICameOnTheJitney · 04/12/2013 16:19

When my DDs teachers are busy and people go up to them to discuss their DC various issues, I can sometimes see their eyes glaze over...I do think they need to keep up their "bedside manner" or whatever the educational version of that is!

OP YANBU....but she's right in a way...but saying that, she could have said "I will look out for him" or something kind.

YouTheCat · 04/12/2013 16:19

Newt, I'm a TA too. I reckon there are a lot of factors that could determine the teacher's reply.

OP, I suggest arranging a meeting with the teacher and head/deputy to make sure everything you have said is understood so that you don't need to relay every detail. And you need to teach your ds that if he has pain, he needs to take a break.

Original poster
TeamSouthfields · 04/12/2013 16:50

skool / school.... Really? was is the difference to how I spell it for christ sake!!!!!

I'm well.aware that she has a class full of children!!!
She could of been nicer about it. I'm frustrated, still am....! Even more so, to hear, lo, has told her a number of times he has had chest pain today and every time told. nevermind or, ur be fine... when there is clear instructions to call if he is complaining!!!

OP posts:
Gileswithachainsaw · 04/12/2013 16:56

We'll she could have been a bit nicer about it. But he is one if 30 presumably. Every single kid will have some need the teacher is supposed to watch out for. She's right, those that are able to do so need to be responsible for themselves. If she asked every kid weary five mins if their leg/asthma/runny/eye/ ear/ ran was ok, no teaching would actually get done.

When he comes home saying he's been made to run around/ rogh house etc despite saying he wasn't up to it, that's the time to go in again and be firmer

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 04/12/2013 17:01

Well, the difference is that one way is correct and the other one looks stupid, since you ask. Sorry, but surely you can see that really?

As for your question, I think you are being unreasonable - the teacher told your ds to just sit down and rest if he's feeling ill. I really don't see what else she's supposed to do. Ask him how he is every minute?

I'm sorry your son is unwell, but yabu to be 'mad' at the teacher.

ginnybag · 04/12/2013 17:03

Re: spelling. It matters because part of your problem here may be clear communication. That said, it's not really the point of the thread.

You say you emailed - have they replied, and confirmed that they had it?

The instruction to your DS was badly phrased, but what she was effectively saying was, 'You don't need my permission every time - just go and sit down if you're in pain' which is exactly what you want.

Re: them calling if he is in pain.... Is it inevitable that he will be each day? How early in the day? Because if he's going to get to ten o'clock each day and then they have to call you the moment he gets a twinge, there's not much point in him going, is there? It's simply causing disruption for everyone, and stress for your son.

That might be why they're saying - 'just sit down, you'll be alright'. If they are, and its resolving, and he's fine to carry on for a bit, then it makes sense for them to do that.

But that should be down to you, and it sounds like you need a proper meeting. I might even be asking for the SENCO to get involved as this is/could become a Special Need - it certainly sounds like he could well do with additional support/adjustments and may for sometime to come.

NewtRipley · 04/12/2013 17:05

Good post ginnybag

BrandiBroke · 04/12/2013 17:27

Hang on, you said in your op that you told her he had had pain in the morning and yet you still sent him to school. To me that would look like unless it was an emergency you are aware he is having pains yet you are happy for him to be at school. So if your child was just acting normally but told her about the pain, based on you acknowledging he was having pains when you sent him in, I'm not surprised she didn't call you during the day.

But yes, perhaps she could have been kinder when talking to him in the morning, though sometimes it is less worrying for children when adults act in a matter of fact manner about their problems.

whois · 04/12/2013 17:37

In crap at spelling and even iwinced at skool!

OP what is it you actually want the teacher to do? Can't have your cake and eat it. Either he just needs to rest when the chest pains come on (in which case the school acted appropriately) or they mean you have to be ring and he comes home. In which case you shouldn't have sent him in the first place.

Fairenuff · 04/12/2013 17:43

'you have to take responsibility for yourself, if you have chest pain you must sit down, I have a whole class of children, I can't watch you all day'

It's important that the child understand this. The teacher is right, he does have to take responsibility, he must sit down if he has pains and she does have a whole class of children so he has to tell her if there is a problem.

It's also important to say this in front of you so that you know he has been told and he knows you know he has been told. That way, everyone is clear that he has to do what he can to help himself.

What did you want the teacher to do differently?

Original poster
TeamSouthfields · 04/12/2013 17:43

problem with communication because I wrote skool instead of school!?!?!? really!!!!!!

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 04/12/2013 17:43

They really won't have time to call every time he has a pain. You need a care plan in place.

Swipe left for the next trending thread