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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think I should just be given the Red Book rather than being made to have the HV come round too?

54 replies

CheshireDing · 03/12/2013 15:18

I have just had a letter from HV saying they have booked an appointment to come round on Friday. I have rang to cancel it because with pfb (2) they gave incorrect information about bf and the use of dummies (and when had been doing perfectly well on our own with feeding).

The woman I have just spoken to is basically saying I can't have the Red Book unless I see the HV. I ended up telling her the reasons above (plus some other reasons from last time) as to why I don't want to see the HV and that I am a responsible Parent and will book for immunisations etc as I know when they are due.

She was not having any of it and said she would have to call me back after speaking to her Manager ! I told her I appreciate it's a service they offer but I just want the book. Surely she cannot with-hold the book from me?

OP posts:
Justforlaughs · 03/12/2013 15:23

Do you need the "Book"?
Interfering HVs drove me nuts when DD was small, that was until pet tarantula shed it's skin and we left it on top of the cage to dry - last time any HV dared put a foot inside my door! Grin (it wasn't deliberate either - but it would have been if I'd thought about it earlier Wink)

Original poster
CheshireDing · 03/12/2013 15:28

Well I suppose I would like to have the Book just for his vaccination record really (for when I am old and can't remember what he has had) like my Mother who can't remember what I have had Grin

OP posts:
MrsCakesPremonition · 03/12/2013 15:30

We had to show the school DS's vaccination record in his red book before he started.
Other than that - I can't think why you need one.

HomeHelpMeGawd · 03/12/2013 15:33

Many reasons why but here's one: child protection. The NHS is quite keen to see every newborn child to make sure they are safe. I'm sure you are looking after your children wonderfully, but somewhere out there are parents who are doing dangerous things with theirs, and this is a way to find those cases.

Justforlaughs · 03/12/2013 15:33

I think I lost all of mine, although a couple have resurfaced now Grin years after they are not needed!

Original poster
CheshireDing · 03/12/2013 15:35

Well that makes sense and we will be vaccinating but I don't see why she won't give me the book without an appointment.

We did use it just to chart pfb 's weight/height so I would like it just for that too.

I am sure she can't with hold it. She said it was very unusual not to see the HV, I don't believe her.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 03/12/2013 15:36

Surely, as an experienced mother, you'll just nod and smile at their crap advice, take the book and wave them good bye Confused

Original poster
CheshireDing · 03/12/2013 15:37

I understand that too Home but if last time their information was so incorrect I wrote a letter of complaint to the Clinic Manager - which she never replied to I feel annoyed about being made to see them and listen to them again.

OP posts:
MrsPatrickDempsey · 03/12/2013 15:41

Cheshire - are you aware that there have been changes to the imms schedule?

GrumpyRedhead · 03/12/2013 15:42

What about just letting the HV come round, smile and nod, get the red book, everyone is happy?

I see your point btw and agree with you, but why fight? With it being your second dc they skip some of the stuff anyway.

PolkaDotParty · 03/12/2013 15:43

I'm sure it'll be fine, just put it in writing and drop it in while collecting the red book. Or ask your midwife to collect one. Our local Health Visitors are massively overstretched and would have no issue with this.

OTOH, have you considered that you may have been unlucky and that there will be other members of the team who could potentially be a useful resource and support to you? Seems a shame to deprive yourself of a service due to one bad experience (I've had plenty of GPs say stupid things but just try and see a different one next time). My HV team had a couple of outdated people and the rest were incredibly knowledgeable and a great support when I needed them.

Mumstheword1976 · 03/12/2013 15:44

You should've been given the book on discharge from the hospital or by the community midwife if baby was born at home. For some reason they keep running out of them in hospitals lately meaning the health visitors have been charged with handing them out. If your baby has had it's NIPEY screen (baby check) and hearing screen they should be recorded in the red book, however neither are compulsory and you are within your rights to decline both in which case it should be noted in the book that they were declined. Due to an increase in child trafficking and fraud the nhs is reluctant to post out redbooks which is likely why the hv wants to give it to you in person, however if you explain that you are a confident 2nd time mum I cannot see an issue with her just dropping the book to you.

bleedingheart · 03/12/2013 15:45

What GrumpyRedhead and Soupdragon said.

I got given the red books in hospital on the days the DC were born, do they not do that now?
Second time 'round they just put you under the banner of 'experienced mum' and give you some leaflets usually, unless either of you have concerns.

bleedingheart · 03/12/2013 15:46

X-post with Mumstheword

BertieBowtiesAreCool · 03/12/2013 15:47

Just nod and smile at the advice - they just want to make sure you're not living in a hovel with shit smeared up the walls and drugs ingrained in the carpets. They dispense the advice to disguise the fact they're doing that.

Although yes, come to think of it, I got DS's in hospital because it has his APGAR scores and the check over by the paediatrician where they check things like hips and testes.

Original poster
CheshireDing · 03/12/2013 15:55

He was a hb and is currently still under the mw as only 7 days old, maybe I can get the book off them then.

Alternatively it is seeming like I will have to see them just for the sake of it. I understand the comments about checking on children but I feel bullied in to seeing them now.

OP posts:
lalouche · 03/12/2013 15:56

It's amazing how declining these appointments makes them automatically assume you have something to hide. I tried to cancel my son's 2 year check because he'd just had a 3 hour assessment with the consultant at the child development centre. It took 5 phone calls and eventually a very hostile conversation with the nursery nurse (not even the sodding health visitor) who was incredibly dim and kept saying'ah but that's the hospital, it's medical, this is about his DEVELOPMENT'. Er yes, that's why it's called a child development centre, and I reckon 3 hours with the consultant there might tell me more than 15 minutes with a numpty like you. I didn't say that of course, bit I did put in a strong letter of complaint. We saw a medical professional about every 2 weeks for the first few weeks of his life. It shouldn't be beyond them to check medical records and ascertain if this is someone 'hiding' from officialdom or not.

autumnsmum · 03/12/2013 15:57

As someone said up thread it's for child protection My Hv for dc3 disappeared when she was six months and I had pnd congrats on new baby

lalouche · 03/12/2013 15:57

Sorry, first few years of his life

Original poster
CheshireDing · 03/12/2013 15:58

MrsD I don't know if the schedule has changed since pfb but that's only because I haven't looked it up yet.

DH is in the medical profession so am confident I can get the above up to date info.

OP posts:
DameDeepRedBetty · 03/12/2013 16:03

lalouche ^'It shouldn't be beyond them to check medical records and ascertain if this is someone 'hiding' from officialdom or not.'^

But that's the whole trouble with all the different agencies involved in social services/education/healthcare. None of them automatically tell each other what's going on, partially because so many people are worried sick about data protection, partially because very few agencies seem to use the same sort of computer/programme to manage data, and partially because there's a certain amount of empire building going on.

ZombieMojaveWonderer · 03/12/2013 16:05

My health visitors only visited a few times and I took my children to clinic to be weighed so never really had much to do with the health visitors. I really don't see why you can't just put their minds at rest and let them visit. You can just smile and nod like the rest of us do Wink

Original poster
CheshireDing · 03/12/2013 16:07

Result ! She has just rang back and said I can have the book without an appointment as long as I come and collect it myself Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
CheshireDing · 03/12/2013 16:10

Zombie I did only see them twice last time anyway actually (but enough to be given the wrong info).

I understand what people are saying about child protection etc but if they had seen us for this initial check I don't see that they would have gained much information anyway would they? All the child protection issues I read about in the press do seem to be older children who have been harmed.

Anyway all sorted but thank you for people's comments.

OP posts:
AngelaDaviesHair · 03/12/2013 16:10

Mine only ever seemed to want to know if DH was beating me up. Which would be a very good thing to get help with, I admit, but it did lead to very dispiriting conversations. I was very conscientious about clinic and HV with my first, after that I sacked them off entirely apart from the two year check.

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