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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that a mother shouldn't threaten to 'Drop Kick' their child on Facebook?

90 replies

JudgyOldBag · 03/12/2013 13:51

A friend of mine has just posted the following status on her Facebook:

"Just about to drop kick DS as he is behaving so badly"

DS is 6. He found out a couple of weeks ago that his parents are splitting up and he's having to move house soon when his mother leaves his father.

AIBU to think that this child needs love and support rather than have his mother joke about threatening physical violence towards him on Facebook? Or am I just being judgey and should take the joke as it was meant?

OP posts:
formerbabe · 03/12/2013 17:25

Absolutely disgusting thing to say about your child. Mine drive me to distraction sometimes, but I have never had an urge to 'drop kick' them. Vile.

HarkTEEHeraldAngelsSing · 03/12/2013 17:30

I was once told off on MN for calling my son, whilst in utero, the little bugger.

And recently for saying I "own" a 4 year old.

It's words. Get over it.

BlingBang · 03/12/2013 17:31

She's just venting and going through a stressful time. I say lots of stuff to my kids. Used to tell them they were going back to the little boy shop to swap them. I tell them often that they are horrible children, usually in a strange accent. I really doubt that they are being damaged by it.

TerraNotSoFirma · 03/12/2013 17:32

I say things like this about my (much loved) DC all the time..... But I mutter them darkly under my breath or go through to the kitchen and tell the dogs how much I fancy selling the DC on eBay. Would never say them in front of the children and the hounds are pretty good at keeping a secret.

formerbabe · 03/12/2013 17:33

Its not just words. Words are extremely powerful. If children are hearing their mum make constantly unpleasant remarks about therm, it will slowly chip away last their self esteem.

I am not a perfect mum, and I often go to another room and scream into a pillow!

usualsuspect · 03/12/2013 17:34

My dad used to tell us to go and play on the M1 Shock

VerySmallSqueak · 03/12/2013 17:37

Ha usual.
My old pops used to tell us to go down the train station and play with the trains.

Same thing I suppose!
(But I suppose the M1 was still too new and fangled to occur to him)

MinesAPintOfTea · 03/12/2013 17:38

Not only is it unpleasant, but also nothing can ever definitely be deleted from Facebook. So the DC might well read it in a few years time. Mutter it to the dogs, talk to your dh or bf over a Wine but don't publish it online.

HarkTEEHeraldAngelsSing · 03/12/2013 17:39

Except she didn't say it to her child, did she? It was on FB?

So she was venting.

usual my dad used to say 'go play in traffic' or 'take a long walk off a short pier' all the time. Those words are not the reason he was a crap father. In fact, at least when he was saying those things to me, he was acknowledging I exist.

AlfAlf · 03/12/2013 17:41

She's going through a breakup and moving house, can you imagine the amount of stress she must be under?
Not funny, but I'd put it down to an error of judgement and cut her some slack.

DoYouLikeMyBaubles · 03/12/2013 17:42

I threatened to shove a lamp up my bosses arse on facebook the other day, this doesn't mean I wish him physical harm and am a terrible person.

People vent, it was probably meant jokingly. I suppose you've never said 'I'll bloody kill him!' about someone??

DeathByLaundry · 03/12/2013 17:42

I told DS (6) that of he lost another pair of swimming goggles I'd break his legs. DH regularly threatens to "kick his ass". The response to both of these threats was a fit of giggles.

Child abuse. We're doing it wrong.

Grin
DownstairsMixUp · 03/12/2013 17:44

I don't see the problem with saying it on FB tbh. Might be a bit different if I saw a mother saying it to the child though. I tell my DS the police will tell him off if he keeps being naughty or instead of playschool tomorrow he will go to the naughty school for a day where they eat roast dinners (he hates them) and have prunes for dessert Blush

usualsuspect · 03/12/2013 17:45

One of my DPs favourites to our kids was to threaten to chop their legs off and hit them with the soggy end.

LtEveDallas · 03/12/2013 17:48

In the early days I said on more than one occaision "DD if you don't sleep NOW I am going to throw you out the bloody window" I was also known to have rocked her back and forth to the tune of "Shut. the. Fuck. Up. Shut. The. Fuck. Up"

Now she is 8 she hears "RIGHT. THATS IT! Pick a window, you're leaving" probably once a week.

My favourite was my brothers FB post which said "Sometimes I don't know whether I need to kick XXXX out, or release him back into the wild" subtle but pointed Grin

(I don't particularly like the expression drop-kick, but maybe she just needs a "anything I can do Hun" type post from you)

formerbabe · 03/12/2013 17:49

Lots of these examples are just funny...clearly jokes that the child understands. I always joke with my son like that...tell him when we see a policeman that he is checking to make sure he is doing what I tell him...smell his feet and tell them that they stink of cheese! Etc.

But making comments within earshot that they are a horrible child is not funny, its downright nasty.

nancerama · 03/12/2013 17:51

I'm always really careful what I write about DS on Facebook. Once something is online, it's potentially there forever. If I fell under a bus tomorrow, and DS did a search for me when he's older to see what his mum was like I'd want him to know that he was loved and to have no doubts at all.

An unlikely scenario, I know, but something to ponder on.

hatsybatsy · 03/12/2013 18:01

Judgeypants indeed -very apt name OP.

Surely everyone feels this way sometimes (regardless of their marital situation)? - and posting on facebook is sharing with your friends (or indeed with people who don't like you who then come onto Mumsnet to talk about you....).

I absolutely know where she's coming on and if one of my friends posted that I would laugh - SHE HAS NO INTENTION OF ACTUALLY DROPKICKING THE CHILD (just in case you still hadn't realised.....)

NurseRoscoe · 03/12/2013 20:07

I 'threatened' to sellotape mine to the wall when he first started crawling. In no means would I do it, was an image some of the people who knew him found pretty funny though!

If someone really was physically abusing their child I doubt they would be bragging about it on facebook, I don't even think it was a joke she intended people to laugh at, more just a release of stress, I'm sure she's going through a pretty bad time splitting with her partner too and surely it's better to write it on facebook (perhaps as an indication she wants someone who has time for a chat to comment) than actually end up losing her patience with her son, even verbally.

So yes, YABU.

mrsjay · 03/12/2013 20:11

I am sure she was just venting having a bad day with him and facebook lets people say things to all that they might be thinking i am sure the splitting up isn't easy I am sure or hope she is supporting her son

mrsjay · 03/12/2013 20:11

although i did defriend somebody who called her daughter an effing spoiled bitch who was ruining her family the girl could see it as she had facebook Shock

NotYoMomma · 03/12/2013 21:05

I say I am about to dropkick anything out a window! phone, tv, husband, jar I can't open. I havent yet but I would probably say it about dds in jest Blush Confused

surely its about tone and intent?

NotYoMomma · 03/12/2013 21:06

on fb yes, to them? never

BOF · 03/12/2013 21:15

Talking like that to children is pretty unpleasant, but if it's flamboyant and obviously a joke to a neurotypical child (ie "I'm going to roll you in sugar and feed you to the alligators"), it is fine IMO. The danger of speaking in their earshot in an ironic way to your friends about "horrible children" is that they probably won't understand it's a joke. On Facebook, again, if it's an obvious joke, I've no issue with it.

I regularly hear the woman next door calling her sons (one in particular) a "fucking twat", a "dickhead", and saying "I'll fucking kill you". Unsurprisingly, the boys speak to each other like shit too, and swear back at their parents.

That is stuff to worry about. Facebook, not so much.

SeaSickSal · 03/12/2013 21:33

Fucking hell. It's okay to tell your kids you're going to break their legs or drop kick them.

Suddenly Netmums looks a lot more attractive....