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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this is ridiculous advice....

62 replies

BigRedDragon · 01/12/2013 20:35

Been festering about this, not massively, just niggling but annoyed at health visitor and her unsolicited advice. I went to get dc2 weighed in the week. He is a big baby at nearly 28lbs at 6mths. She asked how often he fed overnight and I replied every 3 hours ish but as we co-sleep it wasn't a huge problem. She then went onto tell me she saw me feeding him whilst waiting and I shouldn't make so much eye contact or stroke his cheek whilst feeding him as I'm teaching him feeding is more than nourishment, he'll then feed to get attention. I reassured her that he got plenty of interaction and attention regardless of feeding and left.
Just been niggling me, I couldn't help but picture a mother taking this advice and ignoring her baby. I firstly found this annoying as I didn't ask for advice, I feed on demand happily, but I really found it the most ridiculous advice going, and sad in so many ways!

OP posts:
LambinsideaDuckinsideaTrout · 01/12/2013 20:37

Yes and I would complain in a heartbeat.

WaffilyVersatile · 01/12/2013 20:38

HA! tell her to fuck right off.. #1 thing I miss about my dc being babies was that time feeding and stroking their cheek while looking at their big blue eyes...

I feel sad that someone might take her nonsense as gospel. YANBU

RevoltingPeasant · 01/12/2013 20:38

:( complain

LambinsideaDuckinsideaTrout · 01/12/2013 20:41

It's not just ridiculous, it's BAD advice.

Can't help but think she has 'issues' to actually say that crap.

OvaryAction · 01/12/2013 20:41

It is more than nourishment though!

What a stupid person, I'd complain.

Mogz · 01/12/2013 20:41

What a strange thing for her to say, feeding your baby is the perfect time for such bonding.

Angria · 01/12/2013 20:43

Why complain?

Some advice was given, the OP said she thought ridiculous, so she can ignore it.

puntasticusername · 01/12/2013 20:45

Bloody hell.

Agree. Complain. Unless there was a lot more to your conversation than you've told us, I can't easily see a good justification for her saying that.

rootypig · 01/12/2013 20:48

Complain because this is fucking negligent advice from a person whose JOB it is to advise and support parents! She's not saying this from a supermarket check out, ffs. OP of course YANBU.

Honestly, after my own experiences and what I read here, I can't help but wonder what training HVs get. They can be frankly terrifying.

LambinsideaDuckinsideaTrout · 01/12/2013 20:51

Don't act the ignorant fool angria - it's obvious why OP should complain.

Original poster
BigRedDragon · 01/12/2013 20:51

Nope we had a conversation about the fact he was a big baby, I said I was not worried as he followed exact growth chart of his brother. Briefly discussed weaning, then she asked about night time feeds. I just think feeding, breast or bottle, is a massively important process for bonding, emotional connection etc, I found this advice rather clinical and really sad if any one actually follows it.

OP posts:
Hassled · 01/12/2013 20:53

That's absolutely barking mad. By the time I got to DC4, feeding time felt like the only available bonding time and was really important to me.

hiddenhome · 01/12/2013 20:53

HV's are a bit like annoying, interfering relatives. Just nod and smile, then ignore and make your own choices.

Original poster
BigRedDragon · 01/12/2013 20:54

I have mentioned it to a few people about how shocked I was but have been surprised that a number of people thought it was reasonable advice to get ds to go longer between feeds, so I don't think this hv was the only one to think like this....

OP posts:
MammaTJ · 01/12/2013 20:55

It is ridiculous advice!!

Angria · 01/12/2013 20:55

I didn't say it was great advice. The OP didn't mention complaining about the HV, other posters have said that.

Don't see how that makes me an ignorant fool.

ThoughtsPlease · 01/12/2013 20:58

So does he feed 3 hourly through the night?

Shallistopnow · 01/12/2013 20:58

Please complain. And tell Unicef too. Its outrageous that she had the cheek to say that when you didn't even want advice. She's probably been on a training course run by Nestle.

DirtyDancingCleanLiving · 01/12/2013 20:59

My interpretation of that is that she was speaking in regards to night feeds...to try and encourage lo to sleep longer/feed less at night?

Obviously it's up to the parent, but if that's what she was talking about then I think it's sensible advice, and by no means uncommon or 'out there'.

It's along the lines of 'teaching' a baby about the differences between day and night, surely? That during the day there is attention, play, interaction...at night is quiet time, necessary feeds take place in a dimly lit room and there's nothing 'exciting' that goes on at that time iyswim?

It's what I did with both of mine. From the beginning, night feeds would take place in the dimly lit bedroom. Past the first couple of weeks, I never left the bedroom or took them downstairs after bedtime and there was minimal interaction during feeds at night. It worked IMO.

tunnocksteacake · 01/12/2013 20:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cogitosum · 01/12/2013 20:59

The advice from some (not by any means all) HVs is shocking. I was told my 6 week old baby was too attached and I should leave him alone in a dark room for daytime naps!

I think you should complain because whilst you have the confidence to ignore her not all new mums would.

ThoughtsPlease · 01/12/2013 20:59

Sorry, I clearly didn't read the OP properly, yes I see that he does, was the HV just trying to offer a advice to reduce the night feeds?

Which seems reasonable?

TurnOffTheTv · 01/12/2013 20:59

Yes she was shit. But can I just ask, 28lb really?? My two year old is only 22lb, is your baby really long?

LambinsideaDuckinsideaTrout · 01/12/2013 21:00

So you think that hv's giving out bad advice shouldn't be complained about and should just be left to carry on giving out that same bad advice to others?

MewlingQuim · 01/12/2013 21:00

I learnt to nod and smile and ignore the hv when they were talking shite. Suggest you do the same Smile