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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Watching stuff in bed

49 replies

Doitnow · 01/12/2013 07:21

Hello. First AIBU - not quite as light hearted as of like but happy to put this out there for honest reaction as I'm wondering if my "reasonable-meter" is off!

DH and it went to bed last night, about 10ish as we're pretty tired and have a cold. I was in bed first and going to sleep. DH gets into bed and turns his phone on to Match of The Day. Yes, it is on low but I can still hear it. So I huff and puff for a bit expecting him to grab some headphones but he doesn't. So I ask if he can get some. He says no. So I ask him to go down stairs to watch it on tv. He obviously says no too. And suggests that if it bothers me, I should go and get him some headphones! They were downstairs.

Unfortunately this descended into a massive row about how I nag etc.

As background, he knows I don't like football. Also he is pretty tired and stressed at mo due to very busy patch at work. And he goes like to watch motd but isn't massively into watching football all the time!

As an aside, when I was bf our little one, I wore headphones if I wanted to catch up on a bit of telly.

This morning he has repeated that if I was bothered, I should have sorted it!

Was I being unreasonable?

I rcognise that this is clearly just a snippet but I'd be grateful for some frank views!

Thank you!

OP posts:
Original poster
Doitnow · 01/12/2013 07:22

That was long - sorry!

OP posts:
Madamnit · 01/12/2013 07:27

Bed is for sleeping - if he wanted to watch something he should have gone downstairs to watch is on the TV

YANBU

Morgause · 01/12/2013 07:28

YANBU. He was being a prick.

MrsLouisTheroux · 01/12/2013 07:28

He is a selfish a'hole. YANBU. He should have gine downstairs.

MrsLouisTheroux · 01/12/2013 07:29

Gone

whatshallwedo · 01/12/2013 07:30

Yanbu he should've had the decency to get the headphones once he realised that it was bothering you.

My exdp used to do similar and it is really annoying when you are trying to get to sleep. It's not as though you were sleeping on the sofa and asked him to use them downstairs - you were in the right place he was not.

Retroformica · 01/12/2013 07:31

How rude to just walk in to a bedroom where someone is desperate for sleep and watch/listen to something!!! My husband would never do this and neither would anyone else I know. I also think its odd you put head phones in while breast feeding so your DH could watch/listen. He is being extremely selfish and uncaring about your needs. Is he usually like this? Truly awful!

schokolade · 01/12/2013 07:31

I think YANBU. You wanted to use the bed for its actual purpose - sleeping. AND he showed up second when you were already using it.

But if he is usually reasonable and thoughtful, I'd let it go. It sounds like one of those arguments where everyone is tired and stressed and it will end badly if kept going.

Perhaps see about some cheap ipod style earphones that could be kept in the bedside table?

Littlecurrentbun · 01/12/2013 07:31

Yanbu!

He was being a bit me,me,me

MothershipG · 01/12/2013 07:33

YANBU

He wanted to watch, of course it was up to him to get the headphones! Simply rude and inconsiderate, is this usual for him?

schokolade · 01/12/2013 07:33

Retro, my take was that the OP put headphones in so SHE could watch TV whilst breastfeeding in bed, and her DH could sleep undisturbed.

Fizzyfuzzy123 · 01/12/2013 07:33

He sounds like a sulky teenager YANBU

Dinnaeknowshitfromclay · 01/12/2013 07:37

YANBU He is. Totally! Prat!

Ragwort · 01/12/2013 07:39

It sounds incredibly rude, but then I have never had a tv in my bedroom & neither of us would use a tablet to watch tv don't know how to so it is difficult to relate to something that is totally out of my own experience. I always turn my light off when DH wants to go to sleep - even if I want to keep reading, annoying, but to me that is the courteous thing to do.

HenD19 · 01/12/2013 07:40

YANBU! They're all selfish no matter how nice they are...

Original poster
Doitnow · 01/12/2013 07:42

Thank you very much everyone. Sometimes we have such different views on things and when he explains his point of view, I totally get it and realise my view was a bit odd!

Not always selfish but sometimes, yes.

As you can probably gather, this is part of bigger issues that I'm starting to wonder whether to address. Unfortunately he's part of the "I am who I am and no one should have to change to make someone else happy" so I can only see it going in one direction but I do love him and our kids so am a bit scared to even think about breaking up at the moment.

Sorry to go off topic!

OP posts:
lastnightopenedmyeyes · 01/12/2013 07:43

YADNBU - your husband definitely was.

Joysmum · 01/12/2013 08:01

My hubby and I are both upset if we negatively affect the other. Why wasn't your husband? YANBU

Original poster
Doitnow · 01/12/2013 08:05

joy that's the question that's running through my head most. It has me wondering how on earth I didn't spot this side of him earlier when actually it's glaringly obvious!

OP posts:
peggyundercrackers · 01/12/2013 08:11

doitnow getting headphones to wear so you don't disturb someones sleep is nothing to do with "I am who I am and no one should have to change to make someone else happy" - it was selfish behaviour plain and simple.

must admit we are like ragwort we don't have TV or computers in the bedroom and if the other wants to go to sleep we put our light out.

ZillionChocolate · 01/12/2013 08:12

HWBU. We have no noise/lights as soon as one of us wants to sleep.

Yamyoid · 01/12/2013 08:13

It's interesting to read people's reactions. I have the same problem. My dh says he can't sleep without the noise. Drives me mad.

eatyourveg · 01/12/2013 08:18

We just put the subtitles on if one of us really objects but I think in this case yanbu as he could have easily recorded it and watched it in bed in the morning over a cup of tea - thats what happens here.

HenD19 · 01/12/2013 08:39

My DH is a bit like this and it's not his nicest side. He'll put whatever he likes on TV or a DVD that he wants to watch in the evenings without even asking what I'd like to watch. It's so selfish. In recent years I've started to be more selfish. It's not like me at all but I kind of thought being on the receiving end of such behaviour might make him realise what it's like. So if we're having a nice meal at the weekend I'll choose the dessert that I want rather than the one he'd prefer. I can only cope with doing small selfish things as would feel guilty otherwise (stupid I know) but it pisses DH off enough to make him consider me a bit more.

I do think all men are selfish which is definitely highlighted when you have children as they get less attention. Unbelievable that they need to be treated like children.

VikingVagine · 01/12/2013 08:46

YANBU, your "D"H is being a selfish, inconsiderate twat. I'd be fuming, although my DH would never do something like that to me (and vice versa) because he's a nice person and a loving husband.