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AIBU?

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Original poster

Feel like pulling DD out of school over this.

95 replies

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 29/11/2013 20:12

I am not normally the one to over react, I think kids will be kids.

However some how a boy 'accidentally' pulled my daughters knickers and trousers down in school.

I do not believe it was an accident, I have said to the teacher this.

Have I over reacted. I really want to pull my DD out of this school

OP posts:
CallMeNancy · 29/11/2013 20:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tallulah · 29/11/2013 20:48

A boy in KS1 at DD's school has just been suspended for doing exactly this. The HT was not impressed.

rabbitlady · 29/11/2013 20:50

it is abuse, an assault, no matter what the age of the boy who did it, no matter what the age of the victim.

if you let this go without making a heck of a fuss, your daughter and all the girls in that school will learn that they have to put up with this sort of behaviour.

NCISaddict · 29/11/2013 20:53

I have found that girls are just as likely to pull boys trousers down, boys pull boys and girls pull girls down at this age, a year or so later and things are different.

softlysoftly · 29/11/2013 20:53

I disagree that this is "mucking around" DD1 is 4 (not in school yet) but very body aware, she would be really upset by this, she understands that her area is private and only she can decide who sees her.

But I wouldn't pull her out of school for 1 occasion. I would expect action taken however to the perpetrator.

curlew · 29/11/2013 20:54

Just checking- the children concerned are 4 aren't they?

CallMeNancy · 29/11/2013 20:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NCISaddict · 29/11/2013 20:58

An awful lot of four year olds aren't body aware at that age though, I remember my DD going to school at four without any knickers, she wasn't in the slightest bit bothered, I , on the other hand, was mortified.
Her and her brothers were for ever running around naked and although she would have been cross if a boy had pulled her knickers down she would either have lamped him or returned the favour.

Maryz · 29/11/2013 21:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

girliefriend · 29/11/2013 21:04

I wouldn't be thinking about pulling my dd out of school over that tbh, they are 4yo and probably just think they are being funny.

Ime at this age kids do get very curious about theirs and other childrens bodies, it's all quite normal but adults get very twitchy about it.

I would hope the boy in question had been firmly bollocked told off and unless there were any other concerns would not worry about it too much.

fairylightsintheautumn · 29/11/2013 21:05

Bit Shock at "abuse" and "assault". My DS is a young four, has no idea yet really about private areas etc. We are teaching him but he hasn't got it yet. I don't think he would do that, but he has just started mooning his own bum at home! I think to pull her out would be hugely OTT as would suspending the boy.

Etainagain · 29/11/2013 21:10

Something similar happened at our school in Year 1. It started with pulling girls' knickers down (there were two of them affected), but then the boy started trying to put his hands in their pants. A TA caught him doing this in the class and the school, quite rightly, took this very seriously. The parents called the police and said they were taking their dds out of school. The school got various agencies involved to help not only the girls, but also the boy himself. In the end, the parents decided that taking their dds out of school would make them think that they were being punished. The boy was moved to another class and received specialist help.

womma · 29/11/2013 21:27

My DD is in Reception and was quite deliberately pushed over by a Yr1 boy in the dinner hall a couple of weeks ago. She was very upset by this.
The school had a very stern talk to the boy, informed his parents and he wasn't allowed to eat his lunch in the dinner hall the following week as a punishment, he had to go and eat lunch with the Deputy head away from the other kids. After this, he apologised to DD.
Perhaps for this child, he needs a good talk from the teachers, his parents need to be informed, and he can miss playing outside for a few days to learn his lesson?

kerala · 29/11/2013 21:35

Not overreacted op I consider myself quite relaxed but I would go ballistic over this. They know at 5 that this wrong.

CaptainTripps · 29/11/2013 21:36

Complete under-reaction in this thread. Can't understand it. What is wrong with you people?

It is assault and abusive behaviour. Not that the pupil should be hung, drawn and quartered but I would certainly expect appropriate action to be taken

VikingVagine · 29/11/2013 21:51

My 4yo is quite partial to dropping her own trousers and knickers in the play ground to show everyone her bottom, this doesn't make her some kind of horrible pervert, just a four year old being a silly four year old. I wouldn't worry too much about it at that age.

brettgirl2 · 29/11/2013 21:58

Just one piece of practical advice op. Next do slim fitting trousers that are 5cm smaller round the waist than standard. You would probably find they actually fit.

PhoebeMcPeePee · 29/11/2013 22:00

Complete overreaction more like CaptainTripp Shock most reception children are still 4 and this is getting up to mischief not abuse ffs.

Yes op is undoubtedly cross & of course the school must address this properly as they would any other behavioural issues (& it's a good opportunity to talk about body privacy etc) but anything more is totally OTT at this age.

Sleepyhead33 · 29/11/2013 22:03

really? a 4 year old boy 'abused' her? no.

yes, he certainly needs talking to and to understand that the behaviour is not acceptable etc but it is not abuse.
I would not take her out of school for one incident that you were informed about. Do you have any other issues with the school as it does seem An over the top (though understandably) reaction based on just one incident of daft playground behaviour from another 4 year old.

fairylightsintheautumn · 29/11/2013 22:04

what is wrong with you people? maybe what's wrong is projecting adult perceptions of things onto children. I can only speak about my own child but I know that right now, he knows nothing at all about sexual matters, sees bums and willies as just funny things and if he were to do something like this would be utterly bewildered if he got anything other than a stern telling off and told not to do it again. Counselling, banishment from his reception class etc would be wildly at variance with what he had done, which would have been a silly joke, a play action as far as he was concerned. Of course that will change in a not very many years but at 4/5 and at his level of understanding to suggest that he would have "abused" or "assaulted" someone is crazy. Similarly I think it can be harmful to over-egg this with the victim. Surely saying, yes it was a naughty thing to do and he has had a telling off from the head and made to miss playtime for x days would be sufficient, rather than heading into serious discussions about abuse and if she feels violated. I do not mean in any way to make light of the awful reality of child sex abuse by adults or much older children who are sexually aware, but this is playground antics of people barely out of nappies.

primarymonkeyhanger · 29/11/2013 22:09

As a teacher I have never had this happen in any of my ks1 classes. They kids are not usually that bothered about bum flashes especially when all getting changed for PE together and they also have very short memories and it would probably never be mentioned again.

That being said it is not acceptable behaviour and action would need to be taken.

I would expect the teacher to have a serious conversation with parent and child about appropriate behaviour and a warning that it must never happen again.

Taking your child out of school is an over reaction but I can understand you and your child being upset.

cjel · 29/11/2013 22:14

Fairy, Its about time the 4 year olds were told that it is not funny to take someone elses clothes off and that there are parts of peoples bodies that are to be kept private. Your dcs may find it funny but that does not mean they are right.

OP you should tell your dd that she doesn't have to find it funny if any one takes her clothes off and it makes her feel uncomfortable, I would also want to check that the appropriate help was being given to the person who did it so they learn it is not a good thing to do.

Cat98 · 29/11/2013 22:17

I think some of you are seeing an intention or undercurrent to this behaviour that is just not there, with 4 year olds. Yes it should absolutely be taken seriously and used as a springboard for a discussion with the child/children as a group about inappropriate behaviour and boundaries, but I think calling it 'abuse' is a ridiculous daily mail style reaction. They are 4.

Sleepyhead33 · 29/11/2013 22:22

the boy who did it is in RECEPTION. It is not abuse!

gimcrack · 29/11/2013 22:27

They're four, right? It's not 'abuse'. The boy needs a stern talking to, some sort of punishment and firm consequences to ensure he doesn't do it again.

Tell your daughter the boy was very silly.

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