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AIBU?

Feel like pulling DD out of school over this.

95 replies

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 29/11/2013 20:12

I am not normally the one to over react, I think kids will be kids.

However some how a boy 'accidentally' pulled my daughters knickers and trousers down in school.

I do not believe it was an accident, I have said to the teacher this.

Have I over reacted. I really want to pull my DD out of this school

OP posts:

Report

TheRaniOfYawn · 30/11/2013 19:50

As long as the school's spoken to the boy about his behaviour, I'd be happy enough. At that age there will be several children in the class who aren't properly toilet trained and plenty more who get a bit of parental help with bottom-wiping, so it's not really a particularly probate area at that age.

thebody · 30/11/2013 19:52

should be taken seriously but not ott.

class talk about what is allowed and what is not.

defineme · 30/11/2013 20:09

My honest reaction would be (having had 3 kids be 4 yr olds) to say 'well that was silly' and think nothing more of it. Dd was still running around the back garden naked at that age. If it was a persistent problem I'd expect action to be taken against the child doing it, as |I would with any kind of rough play.
If I heard someone had removed their child from school over an isolated incident between two 4 yr olds, I would honestly feel sorry for the parent because I'd assume they were projecting some awful stuff from their past onto their child's experience.

What is it that horrified you so much op?
Would you be horrified if he'd pushed her over/nipped her/called her names?
Or is it that you think it was sexual?
If it's the latter, then I would ask you to view the boy in the same way as your dd and then think about it, as I assume you don't think your dd has sexual motives for anything.

lougle · 30/11/2013 20:16

Abuse requires intent. He's 4!!

I have to constantly remind my girls (7 with LD, 6 and 4) that 'lulus' are private and they really shouldn't be flashing them all the time.

harticus · 30/11/2013 21:17

I have to join the chorus of disapproval over any suggestion that this is abuse.

In my early primary school years boys were always trying to see our pants - there was nothing sexual or abusive in it.
Knickers and pants and bums are funny when you are young.
There is a reason why Aliens Love Underpants books sold millions of copies FGS.

What disturbs me enormously is adults projecting sexualised notions onto young children.

rabbitlady · 30/11/2013 22:35

ok. pretend its all ok. it isn't. but you pretend. that makes your world more cosy. its a lie, but its ok for you. enjoy.

DirtyDancingCleanLiving · 30/11/2013 22:40

There is a reason why Aliens Love Underpants books sold millions of copies

My kids have 'Dinosaurs love underpants' and they love it...might have to search out an alien version for Xmas

curlew · 30/11/2013 22:49

"ok. pretend its all ok. it isn't. but you pretend. that makes your world more cosy. its a lie, but its ok for you. enjoy."

I don't want my world to be cosy- but I honestly can't see a big deal here. Could you tell me what I'm missing?

TheRaniOfYawn · 30/11/2013 22:52

There is a special Christmas one called Aliens Love Panta Claus.

If there was a culture in the school of children pulling down the trousers of other children, that would be disgraceful, and would count as abusive imo. However there is no indication whatsoever that this is the case. It sounds like a one off from a child who is still learning about what counts as acceptable behavior and who is likely to still get help from an adult when dressing, undressing and using the loo or having his nappy changed. As long as the appropriate adult in the school has made it clear that it is not acceptable to take off clothes from other people without their consent and that its never ok to remove another child's pants, then I don't see a problem.

If it was all ignored, then I would suspect that the school is likely to have a bullying problem.

bishbashboosh · 30/11/2013 22:54

Poor little thing!

I gave a little girl the same age and would be so upset if this happened, she has 3 brothers, I gave three boys an. This would never ever ever happen! Or there would be serious punishment.

Don't pull your dd out but make them assure you it won't ever happen again! Ever.

DirtyDancingCleanLiving · 30/11/2013 23:01

make them assure you it won't ever happen again! Ever

How exactly are they supposed to do that?

Ds1 got kicked full in the face a couple of weeks ago and had a huge nosebleed as a result - how his nose wasn't broken i'll never know.

It was due to one boy being silly, rather than malice, and ds being in the wrong place at the wrong time. But the behaviour of the boy that caused it was still v.unacceptable and school told me that they had punished him and spoken to his parents.

I wouldn't go storming in and demand that I have an assurance it would never happen again though. The best the school can do is speak to the child and the parents and hope it sinks in.

BuffytheElfSquisher · 30/11/2013 23:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mia4 · 30/11/2013 23:48

How is your DD over it? Was she outside the game or was she also involved and trying to debag the boys?

It would be overreacting to pull out of the school, one child ehaving this way doesn't make the whole school bad. I would talk to your DD, find out all the details and then send the teacher an email if it turns out that your DD wasn't actively playing and pulling pants down too. If she was involved then she's just as bad as the boy so you can't moan because she may have done the same to others. If she wasn't involved, I'd email the teacher-especially if she's upset.

Mia4 · 30/11/2013 23:50

I see your DD found it funny, maybe ask the teacher to have a word with the children explaining boundries as Buffy said.

leftangle · 30/11/2013 23:59

My dd is in reception and has not much idea of privacy. I still find her wandering around with her trousers round her ankles 'cos she got distracted after going to the loo.
It wouldn't bother me, or her, if this happened to her, except if older children made a deal out of it, or it was really done in malice.
It's not long since she would pull my trousers down given 1/2 a chance.
It would not cross my mind to pull a child out of school for this at that age, or expect anything more than a talking to for the child in question.

defineme · 01/12/2013 00:14

rabbitlady some 4 yr olds live in hideous abusive circumstances: I would never pretend that didn't happen or say that it's ok.
However, It would take something more than 4 yr old peers pulling down pants once to make me suspect abuse and I have been trained in child protection in two different roles.

happymschicken · 01/12/2013 08:08

Six years I've been on mumsnet and I've never read anything so bloody scary as this in all that time.

I find it astonishing anyone would think this is any form of sexual abuse. He's 4 fgs.

Ubik1 · 01/12/2013 09:51

ok. pretend its all ok. it isn't. but you pretend. that makes your world more cosy. its a lie, but its ok for you. enjoy.

I hope you are getting help for whatever had has gone on in your life

frogspoon · 01/12/2013 09:59

I think the boys was just being a bit silly and immature, I highly doubt there was anything very sinister behind it.

However I do think it is the school's responsibility to deal with it. The boy should be told to apologise and the class have a talk on personal boundaries.

Taking your DD out of school would be a very extreme response to this.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 01/12/2013 10:17

I would be upset but I'd tell dd that he was being silly but make sure she told someone if similar happened in the future. Then ask the school that the boy was given a bit of a chat on why it's inappropriate and leave it at that.

It's not a big deal at 4 but the children need to know it's not good for future behaviour.

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