AIBU to hate these kind of surprises?

[32flavours]

Sort of light hearted but still rather annoying. dm likes to organise surprise activities and refuses to tell anyone what we'll be doing until a few days before. Her surprises are a bit hit and miss, sometimes really nice, sometimes not so. She called me a few months ago and said she was organising another one of her outings and to keep x date free. I said I'd rather know what she was planning so I'd know if it was something me and my dp would want to do, as we don't get many days off together especially during Christmas.
Anyway she refused to tell me so I said count us out. Not to hurt her, I just generally like to spend my free time doing things I enjoy. Turns out she ignored my request and booked us places on the mystery activity and she's already paid so we absolutely have to get the day off work. I then find out tonight it's fucking paintballing! I honestly can't think of anything I'd hate more! I know I probably sound like a misery guts but would anyone else like to spend their Sunday morning running round getting shot at by strangers? I don't have an ounce of stealth about me so I guarantee I'll be getting shot a lot.
What's more my ex went paintballing when I was with him and he came back with massive bruises and swelling all over his body. How is that fun?!

Don't go!!! You made your position clear, she is trying to bulldozer you, whether she means well or not she is not respecting your preferences.

You've already said you won't be going, so stick to that. Tell her you're doing something else that day.

Don't go! You told her you weren't going. Perhaps putting your foot down and leaving her with the cost of the tickets will encourage her to listen to you the next time.

But you've told her you're not going, so who cares if she's already paid? You're not going.

You'd only be unreasonable if you went, don't be a doormat.

Totally agree with you on this one. Dh went on a stag do paintballing, the bruises he had were horrific, and lasted ages.

Not a good look over the Christmas period!

Just don't go

I hate paintball. Used to work on a site as a teenager, just doing tea and coffee and saw some horrendous injuries considering it's supposed to be fun

I once saw someone loose an eye.

If you stick with "Sorry, we cant make it" then she will listen to you next year and not waste her money.

If you give way now, she will ignore every time.

Sorry I just laughed out loud!!

Helpful...

Another one here who says don't go. Painballing is awful, and yes, you do get bruised too.

But that's not really the point, you said to her to count you out, you wouldn't be going, so you're not. Who cares if she's paid! I would just keep repeating, every time she asks/makes a fuss, "I said count us out and I meant it. We won't be there, you shouldn't have booked for us".....
I agree with the posters who say she might listen next time.

Paintballing hurts like a bastard... follow her about.

I would absolutely not go. Blame work if you have to.

I would never go paintballing after PJ went blind in Byker Grove - "mah eyes, I canna see Duncan man!"

another one for the don't go brigade. That's extremely controlling behaviour imo. Will dh support you?

or develop 'the shits' and cancel on the day

I know I should stick to my guns and not go, my dm is a bugger for holding a grudge though. And we're spending Christmas with her. She claims to not remember me saying we didn't want to go. It's such bad timing as well. We are adopting and have our first prep group next week. Can you imagine the two of us turning up covered in bruises. Yeah let's give them a child they look like responsible people!
I wish my dm was your average middle aged lady, what's wrong with a Sunday spent at a stately home?

Go, then shoot her loads

Another one for not going - you told her you weren't going to go and she didn't listen, so why should you change your plans (even if they were to do nothing for the morning) for someone who clearly doesn't give a crap about your wishes?

Brianbutterfield I thought of PJ and Duncan too.

Oh and gamer chick I like your idea. I'm tempted to stalk her all day shooting her up the arse and asking her if she's having fun.

Seriously, just say sorry, we did say we wouldn't be coming, have a lovely time though. If she sulks about it just ignore and kill her with kindness. If you fold on this you are setting yourself (and your future DC) up for more of the same!

If you stick with it then you will only have to deal with the sulks once, give way and you will doing activities you hate for years.

"Oh that's odd. I know I said to count us out this time; you must have forgotten. What a shame! I do hope you can find someone to take those tickets!"

The "but she's paid" argument is crap, too.

If you go, she's out for whatever pounds.

If you don't go, she's out for whatever pounds.

It doesn't make a blind bit of different financially whether you go or not. At the end of the morning's paintballing, she's out for the price of your tickets whether you were there or not.

So you absolutely shouldn't go. She's trying it on, controlling, paintballing is shit and time together is too valuable to do shit things.