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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to hate these kind of surprises?

64 replies

32flavours · 29/11/2013 19:31

Sort of light hearted but still rather annoying. dm likes to organise surprise activities and refuses to tell anyone what we'll be doing until a few days before. Her surprises are a bit hit and miss, sometimes really nice, sometimes not so. She called me a few months ago and said she was organising another one of her outings and to keep x date free. I said I'd rather know what she was planning so I'd know if it was something me and my dp would want to do, as we don't get many days off together especially during Christmas.
Anyway she refused to tell me so I said count us out. Not to hurt her, I just generally like to spend my free time doing things I enjoy. Turns out she ignored my request and booked us places on the mystery activity and she's already paid so we absolutely have to get the day off work. I then find out tonight it's fucking paintballing! I honestly can't think of anything I'd hate more! I know I probably sound like a misery guts but would anyone else like to spend their Sunday morning running round getting shot at by strangers? I don't have an ounce of stealth about me so I guarantee I'll be getting shot a lot.
What's more my ex went paintballing when I was with him and he came back with massive bruises and swelling all over his body. How is that fun?!

OP posts:

Bogeyface · 29/11/2013 23:19

I totally agree that she didnt forget at all, she decided to over rule you on the basis that it is all about her and what she wants.

If your DH wants to go then organise a paintballing day for him and his mates for his birthday. But do not go.

Cave in now and you will be caving in forever. Remember, people like this are not above using children in their games, do you want your child to a victim of this manipulation too?

guinnessgirl · 29/11/2013 23:46

don't go! Just don't go. Seriously, I'd be less than impressed at being manipulated into doing something I didn't want to. Let her learn her lesson by ensuring the ticket goes to waste.

Original poster

32flavours · 29/11/2013 23:48

Thanks for all the advice. I hasten to add that I am not pregnant and would not even contemplate participating if I were, we are adopting. I think those of you that said this is about control are right. She tries to interfere a lot, most recently in our finances. My dp works 60-70 hours a week and decided to treat herself to a little something (I have a dw not a dh but not offended by the assumptions). My dm got wind of this and proceeded to call me and tell me my dp only cared about spending money on herself.
I have lived independently since I was 16 however my dm still tries to control me in many ways. I guess this is a deeper issue than paintballing.

OP posts:

Bogeyface · 29/11/2013 23:52

Sorry, I assumed you had a DH! But my previous suggestion still stands about organising a paintballing day for her birthday. Invite your mother and shoot her in the ass then :o

I have to admit to being a wee bit torn. I am mainly in the "dont go, dont cave" camp as I posted above. But I cant help thinking how much fun it would be to go and "accidentally" make sure she cant sit down for a week. But that is why I am bad person who would go to hell if I believed in it, which thankfully I dont! :o

BigArea · 29/11/2013 23:55

Stand your ground, don't play games - just stick to your guns! This can be your first step in sorting out the 'deeper issues' - good luck!

ChippingInLovesAutumn · 30/11/2013 00:19

Do. Not. Go.

Tell DP she will have to go another time with some other mates.

You need to put your foot down now, once the baby/child is here she will be unbearable if you don't get it sorted beforehand!!

Remind her that you said you were not going and tell her you hope she has a nice time. End of!

sandfrog · 30/11/2013 10:32

Agree this is about control. And the way to break away and show it's not acceptable is to ignore the rude remarks, assert your right to make your own choices, and not go along with it.

SmallBee · 30/11/2013 10:44

Don't go, otherwise she'll keep 'forgetting' every time you don't want to do something.

SantaIKnowHimIKnowHim · 30/11/2013 10:48

I would never go paintballing after PJ went blind in Byker Grove - "mah eyes, I canna see Duncan man!"

Sorry, that just made me actually laugh out loud!
I've been paintballing in my yoof, it was great fun. Painful when you got whacked, but fun!
Now, though? Er, not so much. I seem to have lost all my stealth and my slight build with age and I'd just be some unfit, lumbering bufoon with all the grace of a demented elephant.
You told her you weren't going BEFORE she booked the tickets? Well then, she was daft to book it knowing full well you'd said no.
Her look out if she's out of pocket, not yours. It's not like you said you'd go and then backed out, that would be different.

CrowmarshGibbon · 30/11/2013 21:01

Alternatively get a sudden but debilitating attack of diarrhoea. ..

expatinscotland · 30/11/2013 21:08

'I know I should stick to my guns and not go, my dm is a bugger for holding a grudge though. And we're spending Christmas with her. She claims to not remember me saying we didn't want to go. It's such bad timing as well. We are adopting and have our first prep group next week. Can you imagine the two of us turning up covered in bruises. Yeah let's give them a child they look like responsible people!
I wish my dm was your average middle aged lady, what's wrong with a Sunday spent at a stately home?'

Why be such a doormat? Your mum acts like a little kid because you let her. Looks like we're going . .

Why do you let people bully you like this?

pictish · 30/11/2013 21:22

I went painballing once. Never ever ever ever ever again!
It was one of the worst days of my life! Those fuckers hurt and people totally play to win. Oh..and the masks you have to wear are disgusting. I could not wait for it to be over, and at one point I actually cried.

I got totally harangued into it by my enthusiastic, bossy mate, even though I really didn't want to go. I had such a terrible time of it, I avoided her for a few weeks afterwards, as I blamed her for pretty much forcing me to do it.

Heed my words and DO NOT GO!

Heartbrokenmum73 · 30/11/2013 21:28

'Ahm BLIND Dec!'

Although, thinking about it, PJ went on to have a successful recording career with Duncan, and they seem to be doing rather well these days on the tellybox.

He got his eyesight back somewhere too. Pity they decided to change their names to Ant & Dec - PJ & Duncan sounded much better!

DontmindifIdo · 30/11/2013 21:33

Oh just don't go. You told her you didn't want to go, so you aren't going. That she didn't bother to listen to you is her problem.

Paintballing only sounds fun to 12 year old boys and grown men who still really are 12 year old boys underneath. As you are neither of these things, why waste your time.

Look at it this way, your mum booked this, hoping it would be a treat for you. But it won't be, you'll hate it, so go or don't go, her money is still wasted, because even if you go you won't have fun and she spent her money trying to find a way for you to all have fun. So as no matter what you do your mum will have wasted her money, the only question is do you also waste your free time and chose to do something that'll be crap?

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