AIBU to hate these kind of surprises?

[32flavours]

Sort of light hearted but still rather annoying. dm likes to organise surprise activities and refuses to tell anyone what we'll be doing until a few days before. Her surprises are a bit hit and miss, sometimes really nice, sometimes not so. She called me a few months ago and said she was organising another one of her outings and to keep x date free. I said I'd rather know what she was planning so I'd know if it was something me and my dp would want to do, as we don't get many days off together especially during Christmas.
Anyway she refused to tell me so I said count us out. Not to hurt her, I just generally like to spend my free time doing things I enjoy. Turns out she ignored my request and booked us places on the mystery activity and she's already paid so we absolutely have to get the day off work. I then find out tonight it's fucking paintballing! I honestly can't think of anything I'd hate more! I know I probably sound like a misery guts but would anyone else like to spend their Sunday morning running round getting shot at by strangers? I don't have an ounce of stealth about me so I guarantee I'll be getting shot a lot.
What's more my ex went paintballing when I was with him and he came back with massive bruises and swelling all over his body. How is that fun?!

I can't think of anything worse!

I think it's a bit weird that she still tries to organise her grown up DCs like they were still kids.

Too bad if she's already paid - a waste of a day off work if you ask me

Thought i the only one who hated paintballing. Wants to fun.... Its your day off you decide what you want to do..

Whats fun about it not whats to fun...

I had a feeling it was going to be paintballing when I read your OP. I also know someone who lost an eye - someone shot the other person in the safety zone when goggles were off.

Another vote for just don't go. Tell her "I did tell you that we could not make it and that can't be changed. We have got a really busy week ahead and have got lots on our plate right now. You can tell me all about it when we see you at Xmas".

Having read your most recent post, stand up for yourself. Look after yourself and each other. Spend the day doing exactly what you want to do. Enjoy it.

Sorry to be childish, but I just love the idea of her arse being peppered with paintballs, her leaping indignantly into the air each time.

Disclaimer: joke. [disclaimer needed after I didn't add one to another, recent arse- kicking recommendation]

I'm going against the trend.

I would have given my right-paintsmeared -arm to have had such a mum.

Go and shoot her ass!!!

It is very strange that my dm organises these type of things given the fact that I'm 28 and will soon be a mother myself. She has issues with letting go but that's a whole other thread!
My dp is made up that it's paintballing, looks like we're going.

Send your DH. Do something you'd like to instead. Simple.

Doesn't mean YOU have to though, does it?

Paintballing is for wankers.

Fact.

Don't go and don't worry about her already paying for you. Paintball entry is cheap as chips, it's the paintballs you buy on the day that cost a fortune.

OP, you say you are 'soon to be a mother yourself'. Does that mean you are pregnant?

I don't think paintballing is an appropriate, safe activity for a pregnant woman, so unfortunately, you can't go .

Your DH could still go and you get to spend a day pleasing yourself, while you still have the chance.

You can't paintball if your pregnant!

I imagine paint balling is like marmite, if someone booked it as a surprise for me I would think is was the greatest thing every (annoyingly enthusiastic) however I can see how most people would hate it and it's not fair to dump that kind of activity on anyone.

I think the OP is planning to adopt?

So it will be ok for your husband to turn up battered and bruised? Hmmm....

If you don't want to go then don't go. If you do then go. Simples.

OP is adopting

Just don't go - if your DH wants to go let him, you don't have to do everything together but you do need to learn to say 'NO' to your mother; too many threads on Mumsnet are about people who don't respect other peoples' boundaries, you have to be firm; otherwise you are going to have this sort of thing for the rest of your life.

Your mother can't seem to respect the fact that you are an adult, even with my 12 year old son I wouldn't 'insist' on 'surprise activities'.

Grow a backbone please . You are an adult.

Ugh - loathe surprises. Loathe the idea of paintball (definitely never played before)! Don't go op!

Does your DH have a mate who'd like to go in your place?

I wouldn't go under any circumstances, can't think of anything I'd enjoy less, but, even if it was something lovely, you said no and that should have been it.

TBH I think you're being a bit miserable. If you're pregnant then dropping out of paintballing is fair enough, but otherwise go with it. Try it with good grace. It may well be one of the less good experiences (though you never know, your DH seems keen even though his last attempt saw him covered in bruises). Your mum asks for the ocassional day (you said this one was first mooted a couple of months ago, so I presumse they can't be too frequent). They are a bit different, sometimes you find them really good. Some people spend every Sunday lunch in a dull repitition of family duty. You are ocassionally forced into a new experience. Embrace it.

"dm likes to organise surprise activities and refuses to tell anyone what we'll be doing until a few days before."
See, I only read that far before I decided you were not unreasonable. Your mother needs to grow the fuck up.

"I know I should stick to my guns and not go, my dm is a bugger for holding a grudge though. And we're spending Christmas with her. She claims to not remember me saying we didn't want to go"
Please, stick to your guns. Let her hold a grudge. And if she pisses you off enough, tell her to spend Christmas by herself. Seriously, her behaviour is not on. 'Not remember' my arse. She decided to overrule what you want, because she feels entitled to do so. And if you do go, you are effectively giving her carte blanche permission to organise another 'fun' surprise. Now is the time to call a halt to this shite, you have more important things to be doing.

No no no you absolutely CANNOT go along with this! Time to make a stand by the sound of it. You said you are not going, and if you back down this time she will keep doing it.

Repeatedly arranging 'surprises' in this way - when she could easily arrange stuff with you rather than for you - and making you all dance to her tune sounds quite narcissistic, IMO. It doesn't seem like it's all about you having fun together - it's about her getting to be the centre of it all. IMO.

How hideous!