in thinking that DH should take DS to the Christmas Fair?

[Alliwantisaroomsomewhere]

I have to work on Saturday which is the day DS's shool Xmas fair is being held. DS is SO excited about it. I absolutely cannot take him, but DH could.

However, Dh really and truly hates going. Absolutely, completely and utterly hates it. So he says he will not be taking DS. There is no reason why he should not go - he just refuses to because he hates it so much.

He is BU, is he not? Surely he should just suck it up for a few hours and take DS to the bloody fair?? DS will be so upset if he cannot go.

I would take DS if I could (as I have done over the past few years!) but I cannot.

Or is DS BU?

school... not shool!

Unless he has a genuine, clinical-level fear of crowds or something, it sounds to me as if he is being somewhat UR.

Your husband is a selfish dick.

Being a parent means spending hours and hours standing around doing stuff you don't want to do for the sake of your kids.

He is BVU. He can be a good dad or a shit one - at the moment he is being a shit one.

Yes, he is BU if DS really wants to go. And a bit mean. It's only a couple of hours once a year.

Could anyone else take him? Grandma, one of his friends' parents, Aunty?

I think he is being completley selfish.
His son is so excited and wants to go. He should take him. Its once a year!

We didn't really want to wait 1hr and half in a que to see Santa but we did because its what parents do!

Harticus, that's exactly what I think!! He is a lovely, funny, fun, wrestling, laughing, kick a ball about, let's go for a pizza kind of dad. But this is just so unfair on DS, I think. At the moment, yes, I think he is being utterly selfish.

Puntastic, no reason whatsoever!

Why does he have that level of hatred for a school fair?

I hate it, so I help on a stall - I don't mind that.
Win win - dc's get to go, I do my bit without feeling put upon.
Maybe worth suggesting?

Jem, aunts and g'parents either deceased or too far away!

I think I may have to resort to asking a friend.

I will try talking to DH again tonight. Have to go to work now. Thanks for replies.

BTW I'm not letting him off the hook by suggesting other people, just the thinking worst case scenario if he totally refuses.

My dad refused ever to have anything to do with school stuff (he didn't have a good time of it in his own school days), never came to a school play, parents evening or anything, and I do remember feeling it as a rejection of me. It's a big deal to a child.

I realised that, Jem . I had also considered those options for DS's sake while intending to let DH know in no uncertain terms that he was being a selfish dickhead.

Yes, I know what you mean about parents not attending these things. My mum hardly ever did and my father was always working. They seemed to take no interest at all in my schooling. (And when I came home in Yr 10 with an 87% ave, my father asked where the other 13% were! )

School Christmas fairs are one of the circles of Hell. Attendance is not compulsory. They should just do something they'll both enjoy instead, like go and play football in the park or whatever.

Like puntastic said, unless he is genuinely phobic of crowds or similar, then he should just get over himself! I don't particularly like them, I take the kids with a strict rule of here are the coins, there are no more, you spend what you have then we go.
(DH took our kids last week while I was working - he spent half an hour there as DDs had spent their money by then!)

I agree with Dad, they are in the circle just above whole class birthday parties. However as over 300 AIBU contributors told me, staying away from them is not an option. If OP's DS is so keen, his dad should take him, though as a card carrying introvert I think "a few hours" is overkill - they should go for an hour and a half and then to the park.

DadonIce

Read the OP - the DS is very excited about going.

Why shouldn't he get to go to his school fair just because his father is being a selfish tosspot who can't be bothered?

My dad would never come to school things - not even parents evening - it was always mum's "job". It always upset me as a kid that he couldn't be arsed.

I really hate the Christmas fair (as does DH), nearly two decades of child care means we have done more than our fair share, but each year we suck it up and deal with it, make hundreds of bird boxes and feeders, jams and pickles,soap, labels and cards.

It entirely for the children and school funds, it's just one of the things you sign up to when you have a baby.

Tough, he has to go, and do it with good grace.

If he gets there early, he can help set up, buy his raffle tickets, a few items, follow child round while they try the fun stalls, grabs some mulled wine, sit out the way while child explores, and then leave.

I'm helping this year so DH is taking DS and yep, exactly the same, DH hates going. However he realises that a) DS wants to go and b) it's not exactly my idea of fun standing in a hall selling candy canes so he's just going to have to suck it up. They'll just come for the last hour though - could you suggest that? It doesn't have to be hours and hours.

Fair enough, MightMag: I will suggest an hour and a half.

As I said on the other thread yesterday, if he doesn't want to go, then he doesn't have to. It is our school fair this evening and I will not be going even though my children want to go. We will do something else fun and they will forget about the fact they even wanted to go.

Ours is this evening and dh is taking our two, I'm going out. He doesn't want to either, but surely doing things you can't stand but your kids are desperate to do is part of being a parent?

Dh hates going too. I sometimes make him but he's hopeless. He looks at the stalls and says "that's just a load of tat I don't want!". Is there a friend who can take your ds. If not, make sure you give ds some money to take himself.

I have a hate list for parenting.

Things I hate about being parent by A. Cheese

Getting up for school (( I've done my time ))

kids tv

cheap tat toys

school fayres

other peoples children

being nice to other peoples children when they're orrid.

being a sea of calm, a lone island of understanding in a sea of teenage hormones, my arms are the palm trees of parental love. ie I manage not to snap, ffs dd, don't take it the fuck out on me because you kissed your boyfriends mate and were caught. Suck it up.

parks

'day trips'

meals in family pubs with sticky tables.

other peoples children.

peppa fucking pig.

spending £££ on boring shit

having to ^do stuff^

the responsibility.

being on my best behaviour all the fucking time.

encouraging kindness when I agree so and so is a twat.

So and do. Who is a twat.

enforced birthday jolliness.

other peoples children.

Christmas.

The relentless fucking questions.

having to show an interest.

watching my language.

If I have to suck it up, he does too !!

A.Cheese for PM!

does he have a chum who's going. who he could tag along with? Crap that his dad won't take him - isn't that just one of the things about parenting, that sometimes you just have to suck it up? And agree that DC do notice if their parents repeatedly don't do these things.

Apocalype
School 'fayres': I give older child some money to spend as he wants and he skips off with a friend. I accompany younger child to 3 or 4 tables, get her a drink and a cake, then round them up and leave and get on with the rest of the day. Takes less than an hour.
If I can handle it, I'm sure your DP can.