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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in thinking that DH should take DS to the Christmas Fair?

60 replies

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 29/11/2013 09:32

I have to work on Saturday which is the day DS's shool Xmas fair is being held. DS is SO excited about it. I absolutely cannot take him, but DH could.

However, Dh really and truly hates going. Absolutely, completely and utterly hates it. So he says he will not be taking DS. There is no reason why he should not go - he just refuses to because he hates it so much.

He is BU, is he not? Surely he should just suck it up for a few hours and take DS to the bloody fair?? DS will be so upset if he cannot go.

I would take DS if I could (as I have done over the past few years!) but I cannot. Sad Angry

Or is DS BU?

OP posts:
Andro · 29/11/2013 11:36

I thinks it's a bit harsh to brand him selfish for refusing to suck up one event, especially if he's normally a fun/hands on/great parent. Selfish isn't refusing a single event, selfish is never attending a play, performance, recital, sporting event, parents conference or prize giving (I'm looking at you mother).

He may be being a tiny but U, but it's a solitary event so unless it's part of a larger christmas grinch personality I wouldn't put too much emphasis on it.

YouTheCat · 29/11/2013 11:38

School fairs are the 7th circle of hell. I don't know anyone who actually enjoys them. But OP's ds wants to go. OP has to work. So her dp is going have to be a grown up and do something he doesn't like for an hour. How many of us have spent countless hours in places doing things we hate because our kids want to? I hate the park. It is boring. But I took my kids.

Could he do his hour in hell and then go for something to eat with ds? Something for your dp to look forward to?

WilsonFrickett · 29/11/2013 11:40

A. Cheese but how do you feel about other peoples children? Grin

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 29/11/2013 11:42

You know that film children of the corn ?? Wink

ShatnersBassoon · 29/11/2013 11:47

It does sound stupidly selfish and stubborn. Why not take him on the proviso that it's just for an hour? These things are social events for school children, and really are important to them.

Mim78 · 29/11/2013 11:47

My dh hates that sort of thing, but he did come. I would like to think he would have gone even (or especially) if I was not able to come too.

The point is that your son really wants to go, and as his Dad is in a position to take him, so he should do it.

We only went for the last hour, so that DD could go to her school fayre but there was a definite end to it! (actually this happened by accident but it was a good idea for any parents who hate fayres...)

TantrumsAndBalloons · 29/11/2013 11:55

I hate school fairs.

The list of things I hate about being a parent is longer than cheese's.

I have 3, yes 3 drama productions to go to in a week, one of which consists of 15 10 year olds murdering Shakespeare.

My DS has I think 2 lines.

Do I want to go? Do I fuck.
Am I going- and spending £25 for the tickets even though I see my DS at home every day for free?
Of course I am.

Along with 2 Xmas fairs, 2 football matches every Sunday, countless productions that my DDs drama group does, obviously to justify the outrageous cost of a terms fees.

Tell him to suck it up.

WinterWinds · 29/11/2013 12:00

I absolutely hate the school fayres. The Christmas one is absolute mayhem and if I can avoid going I will. But Dh wont take dd so it's up to me. I cant stand the crowds, the pushing and shoving and spending a shitload of money on crap but as a parent you have to suck it up

Last year was good as DD volunteered with her class teacher to man the stall. I dropped her off and turned up 30 minutes before the end to grab her and have a quick look round. By this time the tat had been sold. Crowds had dispersed. No queuing for the various games/face painting and all that was left that was worth buying was some lovely homemade cupcakes. Win win for both of us!!

Hope she volunteers again this year (as its my very last Christmas fayre ever!!!!)

Idespair · 29/11/2013 12:03

I hate school fairs. I don't want to go, neither does my dh. But this is the sort if thing you suck up to please your kids. Mine are very excited so we are going as a family.

My dd wants to take a turn running a stall for half an hour with her best friend. Neither me nor her best friend's mum want to stand there with them. But we are both going to suck it up and do it. To please them.

Your dh is being selfish, that's all there is to it.

ipswichwitch · 29/11/2013 12:12

DH hates this sort of thing but he does suffer with anxiety, especially in crowds. Even he managed to suck it up for an hour to go to DSs nursery fair as he didn't want to miss DS on the bouncy castle :)
When his anxiety levels started creeping up though, we left. I said he didn't have to come but he said that's what being a parent is about - sometimes doing stuff you really don't want to for your kids. I think if he can deal with it for a short time to make DS happy, then just about anyone can.

BlackeyedSusan · 29/11/2013 12:18

at lest it is arm. I am going to have to stand in town frozen solid for a couple of hours so dd can do something for school. and I m going to have to deal with ds with asd.

harticus · 29/11/2013 12:21

Selfish isn't refusing a single event

Yes it is.
He is prioritising his wishes over his son's.
That is the very definition of selfish.

TalkativeJim · 29/11/2013 12:28

Wow. That's really shit.

Of course he hates it, of course it's boring! WE KNOW!!!

But it's part of parenting - doing this stuff, taking them along and being excited with them...because they like it. Making memories.

Really, is that what he thinks a good dad does? Refuses to do stuff because he finds it dull? Does he think that he's somehow your son's peer - 'nah don't fancy that mate, it's boring. When you're old enough give us a buzz when you want to pop down the pub' - ??

I'd be really gutted if my DH was like this with ours. Happily, he's not.

theoriginalandbestrookie · 29/11/2013 12:32

It depends if he has genuine social anxiety. I notice as I get older I don't cope so well in crowds - however I quite like school fairs, so I would probably go anyway.

Does he manage to go to the pub, cinema or shopping? If so it's not due to anxiety so he should go.

SaucyJack · 29/11/2013 12:33

He's being a selfish dickhead. How hard is it to buy a few stale cakes and then have a go on the tombola?

SonorousBip · 29/11/2013 12:42

Ooh A. Cheese - can I add to your list

Having to know the names of all of One Direction

Sleepovers (aka - Other People's Children All Night!)

OddFodd · 29/11/2013 12:48

No one actually enjoys going to the school christmas fair but you just have to suck it up.

I would be very shouty indeed if I were you OP

Twoandtwomakeschaos · 29/11/2013 13:20

YANBU. My DH dislikes "fayres" and children's parties so usually I take them but, if I can't, he does as he's a parent and it's what you do.

tinkertitonk · 29/11/2013 14:00

Perhaps DH could find something else to do that they both like even more than the school fair? Take DS and best friend to the movies for the latest Bond/Bourne extravaganza? Buy a really super-duper chemistry set and spend the day blowing stuff up doing experiments?

OrlandoWoolf · 29/11/2013 14:08

It's what you do as a parent. And it is a social event for children - just hanging out with school friends but not in school mode.

If I only did things with DC that I enjoyed, that would wipe out a lot of stuff we do together.

MrsTerryPratchett · 29/11/2013 15:51

It's not even 8am here and I have already done 5 things I hate with 5 more due before we leave the house.

I spend so much time in places I hate now, it is practically all my time. If I just added up the time I spend playing with shit, plastic, knock off My Little Ponies, I could weep.

He needs to get on his big boy pants and go.

thebody · 29/11/2013 15:58

A cheese brilliant brilliant.

he needs to suck it up op or offer a better alternative. let him take the flack and explain his case to ds.

JemR234 · 29/11/2013 16:05

Also, we are always telling our children that sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do. What sort of example is he setting here by just sacking it off because he doesn't fancy it?

BackforGood · 29/11/2013 16:24

YANBU - of course he should take him (although I agree "a few hours" sounds a lot.
My dh is a bit like this though - will take dcs to all sorts of things, including things I don't enjoy, which is great, but once he's got it in his head he doesn't like a particular thing, then he just won't, however illogical it is. I guess we have to just look at the whole package, and find a way round that particular day.

CiderwithBuda · 29/11/2013 16:40

My DH hates them too. But as I can't take DS to his next week he was all prepared to take him. The look of relief on his face when I said he didn't have to as DS is year 8 and it's during the school day so he can just pick up as normal was priceless.

But he would have gone for an hour. It's what you do.