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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think it is rude for someone to ask me for a favour in this way?

74 replies

Eastie77 · 28/11/2013 22:12

So, DP thinks I'm being oversensitive about this. In a nutshell, I think it's pretty rude if someone you have not heard from in years and are not particularly close to sends a message out of the blue asking for a favour without even bothering to preface the message with so much as a 'hi, how are you'.

I downloaded a mobile messenger app the other day as so many of my friends use it and today received a random message from a girl I haven't seen or spoken to in about 5 years which simply read "Do you have any contacts in xxx (company I used to work for) or know of any any jobs in that sector? My hubby is looking for a job". As a bit of background info, I was briefly friends with this girl a few years back - she was the girlfriend of a friend of mine. However the friendship fizzled out as she kept arranging to meet up with me and then either not turning up or canceling at the very last minute. This happened 4 or 5 times and she did not bother to apologize on a single occasion. The final straw was when she invited me to birthday drinks at a bar which involved a 1.5 hour trip across London. When I arrived at the bar I couldn't find her so gave her a call and she told me that she had decided to go to a different bar but had forgotten to tell me..and unfortunately there was no point in me trying to come to this new bar as it was full and doormen were not allowing anyone else in. She then rubbed salt in my wounds but sending an e-mail saying it was a shame I travelled all that way for nothing. I was furious but happily didn't hear from her again so just let it go.

Anyway, I decided to ignore today's message and then received another one: "Also, I saw on LinkedIn you now work for xxx (company I now work for). Do you get a discount for (software package the company makes)? If so can you order me one? Can pick up from your office". I do get a hefty discount but am on Maternity Leave at the moment (she didn't bother to ask how I am so she wouldn't know I guess!). I should probably just laugh this off but for some reason these messages have really riled me. MN'ers i know you always tell it straight so a) AIBU to want to tell her to go to hell and b) I actually want to reply letting her know how rude i think she is but in a subtle way..any ideas?

OP posts:
pigletmania · 28/11/2013 22:17

That is rude and grabby, just reply no sorry eastie77, or ignore and delete

mistlethrush · 28/11/2013 22:17

Dear x friend.

I'm sorry I cannot introduce your DH to anyone in my previous company because I have never met him and indeed haven't seen you for years. It would not give a good impression if they asked me about him and I couldn't answer.

I'm afraid I cannot purchase software for you from my company. If you want some, try this website here: ....

LifeIsBetterInFlipFlops · 28/11/2013 22:17

I wouldn't waste any head space on her, she's clearly flakey and probably doesn't remember what happened previously.

Social media does create a sense of familiarity, and as her social skills are poor anyway - she doesn't realise that her behaviour is odd.

Just ignore her or send something polite and non-committal.

frumpet · 28/11/2013 22:17

how about ' i'm sorry do i know you ? '

JingleMyBells · 28/11/2013 22:18

As tempting as it is to text back something really rude, after all she deserves it, I wouldn't. Just completely ignore her and treat her with the contempt she treated you all those years ago. Revenge is a dish best served cold as they say.

Vatta · 28/11/2013 22:18

Wow. That is pretty rude!

I'd probably just leave it tbh, she must be quite oblivious to think that's ok behaviour, so you can only call her on it if you really spell it out and that may be more trouble than it's worth

CoffeeTea103 · 28/11/2013 22:18

Gosh this person has no pride. She is downright rude. It's sort of an entitled attitude really. I would just ignore her totally and she can think whatever she wants to think. She probably wouldn't even bother thanking you if you did help her.

zatyaballerina · 28/11/2013 22:19

Can you block her? Ignore, she's not worth a reply.

Purple2012 · 28/11/2013 22:19

Ignore. What a cheek. I would be hesitant asking a favour like that from a friend let alone someone I never saw.

phantomnamechanger · 28/11/2013 22:20

I would not even bother replying TBH, she will get the message. she is very rude and self important IMO.

ZillionChocolate · 28/11/2013 22:20

Just ignore her, cheeky cah.

Retroformica · 28/11/2013 22:21

I just wouldn't answer at all. She stood you up, so radio silence is quite appropriate. Can she tell if you have read her messages? If you really have to message her, say you ''thanks for asking, we are all great here and enjoying our new arrival. Being a new mum is full on, sadly don't have time/stamina/contacts to get you discounted products. I'm sure you have lots of other contacts though!'

fuzzpig · 28/11/2013 22:22

I think you should reply and say no but do not say sorry, you have nothing to apologise for!

Beechview · 28/11/2013 22:25

I wouldn't bother replying. That would probably annoy her more than any reply. Shes full of self importance.

Beechview · 28/11/2013 22:26

as phantom pointed out.

Chippednailvarnish · 28/11/2013 22:29

Why don't you arrange to meet her in the bar she left you at and not turn up.

(Evil laugh)

PedantMarina · 28/11/2013 22:40

YANBU. How to go from here depends:

For your sake, ignore (or a quick "get stuffed"-type answer)

For our amusement, please engage further!

pulls up lawnchair and beer cooler

mumofthemonsters808 · 28/11/2013 22:40

She'd get no reply from me either, hopefully she will then leave you alone.

fuzzpig · 28/11/2013 22:42

Ooh that's evil chipped - love it :o

WooWooOwl · 28/11/2013 22:43

She sounds like a bitch and a half!

Text her and tell her that you do have some lovely contacts at your old company, and you also get a great discount on the software, but that you don't feel inclined to allow her to benefit from them, and you're sorry she bothered writing her texts for nothing.

Lilacroses · 28/11/2013 22:45

Wow, some people are SO cheeky and rude! I like Retroformica's response but agree that totally ignoring her will probably be more annoying for her!

HeadfirstThroughTheTimeVortex · 28/11/2013 22:48

You have to do that.

KippyVonKipperson · 28/11/2013 22:51

Please, for the amusement of everyone on this thread, do what Chipped suggested. Pleeeease.

Belchica · 28/11/2013 22:53

How about "Yes, i get a hefty company discount but it can be used for friends and family only, sorry. Good luck to your husband..."

Seriously though, as others have said, best to ignore the cheeky cow.

cees · 28/11/2013 22:58

Chippednailvarnish that is genius, Eastie please do that and come back to tell us she fell for it Grin