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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think it is rude for someone to ask me for a favour in this way?

74 replies

Eastie77 · 28/11/2013 22:12

So, DP thinks I'm being oversensitive about this. In a nutshell, I think it's pretty rude if someone you have not heard from in years and are not particularly close to sends a message out of the blue asking for a favour without even bothering to preface the message with so much as a 'hi, how are you'.

I downloaded a mobile messenger app the other day as so many of my friends use it and today received a random message from a girl I haven't seen or spoken to in about 5 years which simply read "Do you have any contacts in xxx (company I used to work for) or know of any any jobs in that sector? My hubby is looking for a job". As a bit of background info, I was briefly friends with this girl a few years back - she was the girlfriend of a friend of mine. However the friendship fizzled out as she kept arranging to meet up with me and then either not turning up or canceling at the very last minute. This happened 4 or 5 times and she did not bother to apologize on a single occasion. The final straw was when she invited me to birthday drinks at a bar which involved a 1.5 hour trip across London. When I arrived at the bar I couldn't find her so gave her a call and she told me that she had decided to go to a different bar but had forgotten to tell me..and unfortunately there was no point in me trying to come to this new bar as it was full and doormen were not allowing anyone else in. She then rubbed salt in my wounds but sending an e-mail saying it was a shame I travelled all that way for nothing. I was furious but happily didn't hear from her again so just let it go.

Anyway, I decided to ignore today's message and then received another one: "Also, I saw on LinkedIn you now work for xxx (company I now work for). Do you get a discount for (software package the company makes)? If so can you order me one? Can pick up from your office". I do get a hefty discount but am on Maternity Leave at the moment (she didn't bother to ask how I am so she wouldn't know I guess!). I should probably just laugh this off but for some reason these messages have really riled me. MN'ers i know you always tell it straight so a) AIBU to want to tell her to go to hell and b) I actually want to reply letting her know how rude i think she is but in a subtle way..any ideas?

OP posts:
FunkyBoldRibena · 28/11/2013 23:00

If probably reply 'sure leave it with me' several times and of course do nothing. Then say 'oh yeah I forgot. Silly me, as I sent someone else's cv over and could have sent your husbands at the same time. Sorry you wasted your time. And I did just make an order, a shame you wasted all that for nothing'.

ThenSheSaid · 28/11/2013 23:02

I would reply with a WTF. Then block her.

Eastie77 · 28/11/2013 23:05

Thank you all for the replies! I think it is best to ignore her but I do want to give her some indication of how rude she is and reply along the lines of "I'm fine, thanks for asking.." or "Sorry, who is this" but it will probably go over her head!!

She contacted me via WhatsApp and I think you can tell if someone has read your message.

chipped - I am really tempted to take up your idea Grin

OP posts:
WallyBantersJunkBox · 28/11/2013 23:07

I'd just reply "No, sorry I can't help with either of your recent requests, but good luck for the future. Bye."

As I get the feeling she won't let up if you ignore. I had a selfish friend like that and I left it until I got irked by the requests. (Similar length of time, then got back in touch for contacts and references) then when I replied I was angry but I should have calmly replied at the beginning with a big NO instead of stressing myself.

Beechview · 28/11/2013 23:07

Good. It will rile her even more that you haven't replied :)

FunkyBoldRibena · 28/11/2013 23:08

I'd do what chipped says just because...it's genius.

Chippednailvarnish · 28/11/2013 23:08

Polishes evil badge...

Maybe I should launch a new business - Revenge.com

Grin
saulaboutme · 28/11/2013 23:10

I'd do chipped idea, or discounts for friends and family only idea ( sorry phone is shot and slow!!)

She has no manners or grace so f her.

ThenSheSaid · 28/11/2013 23:17

I am fine, thanks for asking.. is perfect. Then block her.

FeisMom · 28/11/2013 23:23
Idespair · 28/11/2013 23:23

I'd just ignore her messages. She sounds horrible!

Hogwash · 28/11/2013 23:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WeAreEternal · 28/11/2013 23:42

I would reply with "absolutely!!!"
And then nothing else ever again.

Caitlin17 · 29/11/2013 00:22

Some great suggestions there. I do think something suitably cutting is required.
She is very rude you are not being unreasonableeasonable

expatinscotland · 29/11/2013 00:29

If you must reply (I would not) then I'd go with the I'm fine, thank you for asking and then delete and block.

trufflesnuffler · 29/11/2013 00:30

she sounds like a really egocentric dog. Tell her you'll get her what she wants and post her your shit.

trufflesnuffler · 29/11/2013 00:31

oh I like chipped suggestion! Grin

piratecat · 29/11/2013 00:35

op didn't you post a thread about when you went to meet her.

if so i spend too much time on here.Smile
i think i would just block her and forget about her.

LadyHarrietdeSpook · 29/11/2013 00:59

I don't think you can block someone from LinkedIn but if there is a way can someone please say how?!

NadiaWadia · 29/11/2013 01:01

She has an incredible nerve! But then I suppose you already know that from last time you actually saw her. Besides, I am sure you wouldn't want to associate with someone who uses the word "hubby" [vomit smiley]

Bogeyface · 29/11/2013 01:14

I quite like the idea of saying "Sure, no problem, leave it with me!" and waiting for her to ask when she will get her software/when her DH will hear from the company and saying "oh bugger, I forgot! Will get onto it asap!"

Its fun for you and she gets a wee bit back of what she gave you.

Rockinhippy · 29/11/2013 01:16

Ive had something similar from someone who was actually once once upon a time quite a good friend of mine.

Bit complicated, but basically I gave up trying to keep in touch with her as she rarely reciprocated & if she did it became obvious she had an angle.

She had set herself up in business & at one point decided she wanted to change her direction to what I did - same out of the blue cheeky phone calls texts & email asking for my professional advice & contacts - not so much as a how are youHmm -

I told her she was welcome to ring me for a catch up chat anytime, I would love to hear from her, but as far as her cheekily asking work related help goes, without barely a hello - she could feck right off Grin

Funny I've not heard from her since & no loss at all

YADNBU

BABaracus · 29/11/2013 07:13

She's a cheeky cow! How difficult is it to add a couple of lines of general chit chat to the texts? I would go with Bogey's approach of stringing her along.

KoalaFace · 29/11/2013 07:28

Cheek!

Probably best to ignore. But I had a similar situation a while ago and wasn't so measured Blush

I sent back

"Ha! Typical Beth*! Not heard from you in years and now out of the blue you're asking for money. Classic! Can't help sorry. Speak to you in another 4 years when you want something else!"

*name changed to protect the grabby.

Anyway it made me laugh but wasn't the classiest way of handling it...

Lavenderhoney · 29/11/2013 07:47

How rude. I wouldn't bother to respond. How on earth could you recommend someone who you don't know plus their wife treated you so badly! And discounts! Why would you even consider that?! Ignore.

LinkedIn- ensure she is not a connection of yours.
What's app, just go into your contacts on the iPhone, edit and block her.
Ditto fb, etc.

She will go away. Eventually.

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