To think it is rude for someone to ask me for a favour in this way?

[Eastie77]

So, DP thinks I'm being oversensitive about this. In a nutshell, I think it's pretty rude if someone you have not heard from in years and are not particularly close to sends a message out of the blue asking for a favour without even bothering to preface the message with so much as a 'hi, how are you'.

I downloaded a mobile messenger app the other day as so many of my friends use it and today received a random message from a girl I haven't seen or spoken to in about 5 years which simply read "Do you have any contacts in xxx (company I used to work for) or know of any any jobs in that sector? My hubby is looking for a job". As a bit of background info, I was briefly friends with this girl a few years back - she was the girlfriend of a friend of mine. However the friendship fizzled out as she kept arranging to meet up with me and then either not turning up or canceling at the very last minute. This happened 4 or 5 times and she did not bother to apologize on a single occasion. The final straw was when she invited me to birthday drinks at a bar which involved a 1.5 hour trip across London. When I arrived at the bar I couldn't find her so gave her a call and she told me that she had decided to go to a different bar but had forgotten to tell me..and unfortunately there was no point in me trying to come to this new bar as it was full and doormen were not allowing anyone else in. She then rubbed salt in my wounds but sending an e-mail saying it was a shame I travelled all that way for nothing. I was furious but happily didn't hear from her again so just let it go.

Anyway, I decided to ignore today's message and then received another one: "Also, I saw on LinkedIn you now work for xxx (company I now work for). Do you get a discount for (software package the company makes)? If so can you order me one? Can pick up from your office". I do get a hefty discount but am on Maternity Leave at the moment (she didn't bother to ask how I am so she wouldn't know I guess!). I should probably just laugh this off but for some reason these messages have really riled me. MN'ers i know you always tell it straight so a) AIBU to want to tell her to go to hell and b) I actually want to reply letting her know how rude i think she is but in a subtle way..any ideas?

There's no way I'd just ignore her.

I'd text back, just so as to be sure that she knew you'd received her message, with 'I'm afraid I can't help you. Best, Eastie.'

A message like that would send a person like her spinning.

Dear Cheekster,

We haven't been in contact for 5 years. I'm therefore unable to recommend your husband to my contacts.

I do have a discount but am only permitted to use it for family and friends so will be unable to help.

All the best,

Eastie

That's my attempt at a reply from the moral high ground.

Ohhhh, scrap my suggestion.

Koala's message is way better.

People like this have an annoying tendency to make you spend far more time thinking about them than they deserve, because of their rudeness. Ignore.
If you reply you'll start thinking about what you said and either get into an uncomfortable conversation where you'll be nice because you are and probably get the piss taken out of you again. Alternatively she'll then ignore you and that will piss you off as well. Just don't engage at all.

Owl

I'd text back 'No'

then delete/block.

Have had this myself from a 'friend'. It's cathartic.

I disagree KoalaFace I think the way you handled your 'friend' was brilliant!

Personally, I think people like this need their poor behaviour pointing out, even if the response is likely to sail over their heads.

I would send a text saying

"Er .... sorry ... remind me who you are again?"

Nothing pisses people off more than the thought they have been forgotten and are entirely unmemorable.

Thanks Japanese and Nanny

It was very cathartic! But I do wonder if I should have just ignored!

I can't recommend you or your husband to any contacts at the company as this would reflect badly on us. My staff discount is not applicable to random acquaintances.

I like Koala's response. Says it all really.

I'd tell her to do one. "are you having a LAUGH?! last contact we had you failed to show up and I haven't heard from you for five years and you have the nerve to ask me for stuff without even pretending to give a shit how I am or anything?"

But I think Zillions is probably a better idea if you want to be diplomatic. It basically says the same thing but in a less aggressive way

ooh, koala that was good. Did she ever reply to it?

She never replied to me but she texted a mutual friend to say she was going through a really hard time and thought she would be able to ask for my help as I'd always been there for her in the past. She said I must have changed!! Hilarious really!

Well done koala some need to be spoken to like that, or it does not register

I have met a few people like this. They only contact you when they need a favour.

You soon catch on though.

I quite like the idea of asking who she is as then she will be forced to think about the last time you were in contact which will remind her (hopefully) of how she treated you. Then, if she does have the front to bring it up to 'remind' you of who she is, then you can reply 'In the light all that, I'm sure you can appreciate why I'm not particularly inclined to put myself out for you.'

I wouldn't be able to resist saying, 'You might at least have asked how I was before you asked for favours. No, obviously.'

Cheeky mare!

Just block her. Don't waste Any more time on her than you have already!

I have to admit that I do think "Sorry who is this?" would be great. Especially if she then explains who she is so you can respond "Wow, congratulations on having the biggest brass neck I have ever come across! In answer to your request, No, obviously" (I love the "obviously in ModernToss's response!)

Ha! Typical Beth...Not heard from you in years and now out of the blue you're asking for money. Classic! Can't help sorry. Speak to you in another 4 years when you want something else!"
Love this! OP I think I would go with some of the excellent responses here. Take your time in responding at all. I would be torn between pretending I had no idea who she was, or leaving her in no doubt about how rude she is. I have this with a relative. Contact only when she wants something, and never a word of 'how are you' or thanks.
It is only for another relatives's sake, I bite my tongue HARD.

YANBU, I absolutely despise people like this.

Hi blah blah

Thanks so much for your contact, means so much after all this time.

Sure, why don't you tell me what you need and I'll order it. When you come to the office to collect we can discuss job opportunities for your DH.

Then arrange a time for her to go and keep cancelling at the last minute as a "meeting has come up"