to be livid about exH leaving our 6 yr old alone in public places?

[ExcitedEmmy]

ExH and I have a recently turned 6 year old daughter. We have always had a difference of opinion when it comes to public supervision of our daughter. He encourages her to use public toilets alone rather than accompany her, for example, which I'm not happy with.

He sees her one or two weekends per month. He has a hobby which he does 2/3 times during the week (rather than coming to see dd which has been on offer since we separated several years ago) and at least twice over the weekend. On the weekends he has dd he sometimes leaves dd with his mum or girlfriend while he does the hobby but if they're busy he takes her and leaves her in a separate room to watch films on his iPad for over 4 hours. The room is adjoining to where he does his hobby but it's in a public sports club and so I don't agree with her being left.

Dd was talking about her father this morning and the films she had watched while he was doing his hobby at the weekend. She then said he had popped home to get changed and left her and his girlfriends son, who's 9, at the sports club and 'was gone ages.' He left them in the bar/cafe area with no responsible adults they or he knee. AIBU to be livid about this? His house is a 15 min drive from the sports club but regardless of the distance, I don't think dd should be left alone in public at all.

Yanbu. He is. I totally agree with you...I wouldn't let my dd out of my sight in public even now and she is 8....I get panicky if I don't know where she is when we are out and about.

Hasn't this been done before? the bloke who goes ice skating?

Sounds like he's using the sports club as a crèche and can't really be bothered to spend time with her.

Not only is that not a safe thing to do, if I was her I wouldn't feel very loved, as she only sees him twice a month and his sport obviously comes first.

Yanbu - apart from anything else, how boring to watch films for four hours because daddy is "busy"

The public toilets thing wouldn't bother me as long as he was standing right outside the door. The leaving them at the sports centre is an absolute no-no and I would be considering reporting him to social services or the police for neglect and endangerment.

fukcs sake she is 6 not twelve, he needs to get his priorities straight

Is this the skiing Dad? Did you not sort this out months ago when you posted before?

YANBU. Your poor DD, stuck amusing herself for four hours. As for leaving her, completely unacceptable.

Can't get over how selfish some parents can be.

I thought this sounded like the skiing dada as well. If so, what did you do to sort it out last time OP (Apologies if it is some other Dad aresehole)

No it's not skiing or ice skating? It's tennis. He started out saying it was something he and dd would do together. She got a turn once but is now binned off with the iPad. I haven't tackled him about it yet as wanted to check I'm not BU here but I'm sure he'll say he had the cafe worker or someone keep an eye on her but that's not good enough in my opinion. He doesn't wait outside toilet doors, he stays eating in fast food places while she goes to the toilet.

No, it's not on. I am not a fussy mummy. I let my 8yo ds1 go to the toilet alone, but I wouldn't let a 6yo - and I think girls are more of a target as well. However, this is borderline. Leaving her in a cafe/ bar with a 9yo for at least half an hour, probably more, is totally unacceptable. He needs to know he can never do that again, or you will remove access.

That's out of order and you need to pull him up on it. He sounds extremely selfish.

YANBU. If I saw a six y/o by themself in a public place I would assume they were lost/at risk and would probably intervene.

YANBU. I have also started to see signs on public loo doors saying young children must be accompanied.
It doesn't sound like your DD gets much out of these visits.

YANBU. I have a 6yo DD and I would be furious if someone looking after her thought this was OK.

Eep that's fucking awful. All of it. I'd be reducing his contact if he can't prioritise her for a whole weekend, let him take her somewhere child focused for a few hours.

The toilet thing I would be ok with if he was waiting outside the door.

Yanbu. And as for saying a cafe worker will keep an eye on DD?! That's not their job, babysitting his child. I'd be livid too OP. it's not on and if he really thinks its fine he shouldn't be seeing her unsupervised.

I will not let my children go unsupervised in a public toilet. Obviously you feel very uneasy and unhappy about this and I do not know what you could do to get your exH to change this behaviour, but it's just not safe. Many may disagree but there are opportunistic people that just wait for the day they see an unsupervised child.

It happens, it really does. It has happened in my community, not to me or my family, but I will never forget.

What really annoyed me was that not only did he leave her alone but she was scared to tell me in case I was cross at her/her father because she knew it was wrong. I just don't know why he bothers seeing her. The Saturday she spent shopping with his gfs mum. She hates shopping. Sunday morning she spent watching films while he played tennis, they had a late breakfast then she watched another film before coming home that afternoon. No time spent with her father, homework not done, dd thoroughly bored and feeling completely unimportant.

Precisely, idocrazythings, it's unlikely of course but whytake the risk?

Your poor DD. He sounds like a total dick and I would be putting my foot down ASAP.

I'd be stopping access!

But what do I do about it? He can try and excuse/deny it and it's his word against a 6 year olds.