Spending very little on your kids at Xmas

[quirrelquarrel]

I don't have kids but I know aroundabouts what my parents spend on me and it's usually between £40-100. Some people spend more some less.
So I was wondering, would you ever only spend £10 on your kids each at Xmas, and what would you get them if so, and how would they react? Would you feel guilty or like you'd let Christmas go by that year.....?

absolutely not trying to offend or be all self righteous or whatever, just curious.

clearly you are and exaggerating just a tad my list is on 2 threads but judge away

Try saying you've failed your children by not giving them piles of stuff to a real life friend & watch them > at you !

every person I know would do this> at spending £10. dh has even said that is so sad.

I would be sad and feel I had failed them in the fact of a 10&8 year old going into school and when all their friend's list off all the ipads, ps4's, mobiles etc they recieced and they would say one small gift at £10 they would feel inferior and that's not something I would have my children feel if I can prevent it

we budget £50 for my son (and the same for his birthday). I doubt we will spend it all.
I have also asked family to buy no more than 5 gifts (including little ones like shampoo etc) because I don't want my son overfaced with presents and it to take all day opening gifts.
interesting topic.
k

Three, are you one of those people who post a picture of all the wrapped presents on Facebook with the caption "Santa's been!"

I actually think it's incredibly mean of you to say that spending a small amount implies you've somehow failed your children. The amount of parents on here who struggle everyday of the year just to clothe and feed their children, let alone the added expense of shitloads of plastic crap that they feel pressured into purchasing. Did you not think of how they might feel reading your ridiculous little comment about failing their children?

Grow up.

I also said its such a personal thing that I don't feel the need to judge on as the results all the same happy smiling children, I said for me I couldn't spend that and that's just me being honest.

it doesn't surprise me so many on here lile to compete on how little they can spend and a lot state they co I ld spend fat more. then they feel the need to rip you apart if you dare spend any fore than the 'desired mn amount' and if you do its plastic tat or your dcs are brats

all the judgement passing is making me laugh how dare I spend my money on my kids

phone messed up loads on that post

big difference between thinking your gift is inferior and thinking that you yourself are inferior though Three. there's not necessarily a link between them much less a causal one....

Can't help thinking that you saying "it's a personal thing" is just a disclaimer to avoid getting told you've offended people who won't buy as much. If it's true for you then why wouldn't you think it true for everyone else, so it is a bit offensive yes.

Spend what you like on presents for your children Three but posting comments implying that people spending small amounts are somehow failing their children is out of order.

oh ffs I clearly stated me thats how I would feel not anyone else

I have read the threads on here when some have spent far less there lists are amazing I would struggle to pull it off as well as them. they more than likely have more imagination than me of can find great deals

I dont judge so I certainly ment no offence.

Every person I know would be horrified at what you spend three I would be horrified if I thought my dcs couldn't be happy on Christmas Day with less, I'd think I'd really ruined their sense of appreciation - just my personal thing though. And if your dcs go to our school I would be judging and wondering why the need to spend so much?

ThreeMyselfAndI (good name btw), I think what you are doing is merely not being able to understand something which is so far outside your experience that it has no personal register. Of course the emotive language you use about failure and being sad is borne of conjecture. You're wrapping up the suggestion of a £10 gift inside a massive wad of fear of bullying, disappointment, rejection, a break with tradition and so on. I can probably understand why you'd do that, parenthood is riddled with guilt and fear but it's also important for you to understand that your sweeping generalisations are unfounded.

My DC is in Y2. I fully expect, in fact I know that her friends will receive some very expensive presents. The sorts of gadgets I don't understand as an adult. Will dd feel inferior? No. Not a jot. She has the self awareness and confidence to feel happy with who she is and what she has. She knows and appreciates value not just of gifts but of the time and love bestowed upon her.

I truly don't judge families who provide hundreds of pounds worth of gifts. I could couch their decisions in hyperbolic terms. I could wax lyrical about the reduction of a season of family, goodwill and togetherness down to a pile of bought things and mass consumerism. I could hint at the sadness of a child who expects, a child who equates presents with affection. But I would be doing myself a disservice. It's an ignorant and ridiculous way to cast yourself as right and other people as wrong. The decision of how much to spend is just that. One decision. It is not a reflection of how much a child is loved, how much that child will appreciate its Christmas and it's not anything I'm qualified to judge in isolation.

I know a few children whose parents will spend nothing on them, financial or emotional and I do feel very sad about that. I know as many children who will have ££ spent on them and I feel quite sad about them. The sadness is nothing to do with the money. Money is just a tool. Thankfully, I know hundreds more children who will have bright, shining and beautiful Christmases irrespective of what's under the tree on the 25th.

I will go on believing that the gifts are a bonus. An extra, brilliant thing on one of the days of Christmas. I do secretly believe, however, that it's nice that it's a tiny part of everything else.

Now you must excuse me, I have a Boxing Day treasure hunt to plan for and mincemeat to stir.

I have just bought four cardigans. One is a beautiful grey cashmere with pearlised buttons and slightly puffed sleeves. They are for my dds. Total cost: £10.89.

Dawn, where are the cardigans from?

And what about what Grandparents spend? My Mum and stepfather spend about £10 on each of my children at Christmas, and the same on their birthdays, which makes me a bit annoyed. They are by no means hard-up, and in contrast my in-laws spoil our DCs rotten. It makes me feel petty even typing this, but I do think it's a bit mean when we're always really generous with presents for them (my Mum and stepdad).

we could have afforded to spend bonkers amounts of money on our dcs while they were growing up - but we refused to do that. One present each from us as parents, limit of £25 for any present from wider family as part of a secret santa. Kids got to take part in secret santa as they got older and had to 'buy' a present for whoever they got (auntie, grandma etc).

Their grandma always bought what she called Santa's presents - lots of little bits of tat that she got everyone and we all smiled graciously at the keyrings and boxes of sweets. I have never regretted being the mean parents who didn't get their DCs huge amounts of stuff because we had some fantastic Christmases and my dc are now sensible young people who do not expect the world to provide them with everything they want. Of course they said "X got plasma screen TV for their room and Y got the latest whatever" but we just said we didn't think that was what Christmas was really about - for us it was primarily a religious celebration but that might not be the case for other people.

We now do a secret charity shop Santa - we can spend £10 on each other but it has to come from a charity shop. We put a lot of thought into it and it's really good fun to do - you spend a lot of time throughout the year looking out for good stuff (this year I've found two of those fleece snuggle robes in different shops for £3.99 each - yay!)

For my dds 21st her friends were getting cars and she asked me to crochet her a blanket for cuddling up on the sofa, she chose the colours, it took me about 2 months doing some most evenings - I loved doing it and love the fact that she loved it and wanted that & not something flashy which is a good job as helping her through Uni is a better use of my money

Grandparents spend very little on the dcs, they are all pensioners and have little enough money, none of them are fond of shopping so it's usually just a few coins and the dcs seem happy with that.

I think it's nice for a child -particularly in the Santa years - to have the gift they really want (as long as it's not outrageous!).
Small children have no idea of cost, they value what they value. It probably changes as they get older I guess.
Ds at 4 has asked for a lollipop and a toy cat. I'm fairly sure he'd be thrilled if he got those and nothing else.
I'd struggle if I couldn't afford to get him anything simply because he still believes in Santa and might think he hadn't been good. That would break my heart.
We are doing lots of christmas type activities throughout December, it's nicer for it to be a season of family and friend times rather than just one day of opening presents.

My dcs don't get a huge amount for Christmas.

I could afford to spend a bit more but choose not to as they have a lot of nice things anyway and I want them to really value and enjoy the few things they do get.

They have one main present each, a stocking with sweets and little bits and bobs in, always get new pjs and I usually get a few joint presents of various board games that we can all play.

We spend about £50 per dc. Don't think I could get away with just ten pounds on each of them but I suppose if that's all you had you would manage it, if I had to I would just get more stocking fillers and chocolate as dcs always love their stockings the most.

We've always spent what we can afford some years more than others ... Christmas has always been a happy time .. And I certainly wouldn't go by what others are spending .. Making a good Christmas atmosphere around the house is what is important to me xx dds now 16 & 18 .. No complaints from them and they still love Christmas :)

three agree with the pile of presents! That's why my children don't get iPads and bikes for Christmas as I ( and that's me!!!! Not anybody else on this thread) would find it depressing to find just one present under the tree

I love the idea of getting one special present whether that's new, second hand or free and then a few thoughtful little bits which again don't have to cost much if anything and will make a nice little pile of presents under the tree

I don't do that because I am rubbish at being thoughtful and clever and just go for the safe option of plastic tat

My children have no idea how many presents they have or what they cost, they are all about the chocolate!!!

no I wouldn't if I could afford more tbh. I always go mad at xmas but my boys don'y get much the rest of the year like some of their friends do I have never been in debt and DH and I are fortunate enough to both have well paid jobs. When we were poorer and the boys were young they got less spent on them and lots of the presents in those days were cheapies. no getting away with that now sadly.

I'm really glad I read this whole thread as it's given me much food for thought.
Christmas isn't about gifts and how much we spend, we all know that but it's hard to not get dragged into the whole quantity issue.
My 2 have birthdays in Nov & March so there is a lot of new stuff in a 4 month period including Christmas. Last year it took our (then) 21 month old 4 days to open his gifts which was ridiculous. (Our 4 week old had little bits but not much). This year I've asked family if DS2 (now 2.9) could have books or puzzles which he devours but am really stuck for DS2 who is now 1. I have really pared things down and hope family will too.
I've bought a couple of books & puzzles 2nd hand off our local buy/swap/sell site but it doesn't sit well with DH!!