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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed I got asked to pay back money

63 replies

TillyTotter1 · 26/11/2013 19:11

A couple of weeks ago I lent my DB my car and left my bankcard in it. His DP (who I don't get on with in the slightest) gave me twenty quid to tide me over. AIBU to be furious that they text and asked me for it this evening?

I NEVER borrow money from them and it was simply because he fecked off with my card. Usually I would say IABU, they lent me money and it should be paid back straight away but I really think it was just my Sil being spiteful. Me and my DB are the only family we each have and are amazingly close (to the point where he told his DP if she didn't make an effort with me he would break up with her - I can't stand her but I be civil for his sake)

BUT. Since then I have kept their children for an entire weekend. Fed and entertained them. Bought my DN a riding helmet as she hadn't got one (which was £30 but I thought it was really unsafe, Sil wasn't bothered) and drove 30 miles and back twice, to the nearest hospital when my DB broke his ribs to lift and leave him to casualty as his DP couldn't be feckin bothered.

AIBU to be completely insulted that I was asked for this money back, especially considering that my brother earns about eight grand a year more than me and they know I struggle to pay the bills?

OP posts:
NotYoMomma · 26/11/2013 19:15

all that is totally irrelevant

judge Judy wpuld say the contract with his dp was to give ypu the money just to tide you over (ie a loan)
abd therefore you must pay it back

she didnt ask you to buy a helmet and wasnt bothered
her partners wage doesnt matter either

sorry OP pay it back

LaurieFairyCake · 26/11/2013 19:15

Nope , you're in the wrong. You owe the money back.

And while it's nice of you to buy your niece a helmet you have to be careful not to sound as if you're being judgemental of their parenting - if your brother was bothered he could have bought her one too.

Not sure why your levelling approbation at only her, I'm assuming he's also aware you owe her money.

LindyHemming · 26/11/2013 19:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AngiBolen · 26/11/2013 19:16

YANBU

How much anyone earns isn't the issue her.

Give the money back. To your brother. (Does he even know about the money, or is it his DP texting?)

Ask for money to cover the petrol he used when borowing your car.

Salmotrutta · 26/11/2013 19:16

When you lent your brother the car did he pay for petrol, make a contribution to insurance, etc.?

OddFodd · 26/11/2013 19:17

Your post is a bit confusing but I would just reply and say its towards the cost of the helmet (I don't know any stables that will let a child ride without one)

kitsmummy · 26/11/2013 19:17

YANBU, I think lending them car for a weekend on its own would have been enough to negate the £20 "loan"

WooWooOwl · 26/11/2013 19:18

YABU.

This isn't about the money it's about the fact that you don't like your SIL.

The things you have done have been for your brother and his children who you presumably love, they weren't favours for your SIL.

You borrowed the money, you should have paid it back at the earliest opportunity and shouldn't have needed to be asked.

AnyBagsofOxfordFuckers · 26/11/2013 19:18

They lent you the money, you need to pay it back. The rest is irrelevant. I can see why it's annoying, but you need to pay them back. No-one forced you to spend the money on a riding helmet or the other stuff. You were perfectly happy to do, and buy, everything you mention without renumeration, then YABVU to suddenly expect it. If you feel they are being cheeky because you do so much for them, then the answer is simple: either stop doing so much for them, and spending so much on them, or ask for money towards what you do do for them. If you give the impression of wanting to do all that stuff for them, perfectly happily, then people won't know that you are secretly resentful. It's incredibly passive-aggressive to expect something to stand in for a reward for things you did in the past and never mentioned wanting a reward for at the time.

Salmotrutta · 26/11/2013 19:19

I'd still like to know if the OP was out of pocket for petrol when her DB borrowed the car...

WallyBantersJunkBox · 26/11/2013 19:19

Pay the £20 back and take your dignity and move on.

Stop paying out for anything else and charge petrol money for your next journey.

If she wasn't in the picture you wouldn't think twice if it was your brother asking for it ack, so focus on your relationship with him to make you feel a bit more positive.

expatinscotland · 26/11/2013 19:19

Don't pay it back then. Next time they come up for a loan of anything or free babysitting, say NO.

Salmotrutta · 26/11/2013 19:20

Or tell them that you thought that was a reasonable rate for hiring out your car.

expatinscotland · 26/11/2013 19:22

I wouldn't pay them back. He would have been out more than 20 quid if he had to hire a car. Tell her that. As for leaving the card in there, why didn't they drive over and give it back? If she loaned you 20 quid the she saw you and could have given you the card back.

SwimmingMom · 26/11/2013 19:23

Pay back the money to your brother. Let him know you would have paid back anyways & that you are upset at being asked. Point made.

Having said that - we have a give & take policy in our family. If its big amounts £50+ then the borrower would automatically repay, else it's not expected...

Original poster
TillyTotter1 · 26/11/2013 19:24

Euphemia He actually took my spare keys when I was away without asking so he did feck off with my card. No Salmo, he never gave me anything towards it or the hat but we've never been like that (partly why I'm a bit annoyed).

I have already paid them back because I know myself I owed it but I really think it was petty to ask.

Really didn't think IWBU but fair enough. My dislike for my Sil might have skewed my judgement a bit Hmm

OP posts:
ICameOnTheJitney · 26/11/2013 19:24

YABU.

ICameOnTheJitney · 26/11/2013 19:26

I see. It seems like you have a relaxed attitude usually....therefore it does seem petty of the SIL to txt about it. Especially since he took the car and didn't put petrol in.

ICameOnTheJitney · 26/11/2013 19:27

Also....why don't you like your SIL? Are you a bit jealous or is she of your "incredibly close relationship"?

ThenSheSaid · 26/11/2013 19:27

YABU you borrowed the money and should have paid it back as soon as possible.

All the other issues are separate.

Salmotrutta · 26/11/2013 19:31

I don't think you are unreasonable to be miffed - he took your car without asking and never gave you anything for petrol?!

Cheeky git - even if he is your brother!

I'd do anything for my siblings but not if they took the piss...

Original poster
TillyTotter1 · 26/11/2013 19:36

Jitney Long story but mainly because when she had the first child she asked me to babysit my DN for the night (DB working abroad) when she was a week old and didn't remember to come back for a month. I'll be fair to her though, I had just lost my baby and never really forgave her for giving me one and then taking it away again (and yes everyone I do realise that is incredibly U but I can't help how I feel)

I get it though, I'm probably just shooting arrows at her because there is so much tension between us

OP posts:
dustarr73 · 26/11/2013 19:36

How did he get your spare key.Thats the thing id be annoyed about not owing sil money.Change your hiding place and if he does again call teh police and report it stolen

maddening · 26/11/2013 19:40

I'd have given it back less the petrol cost!

Original poster
TillyTotter1 · 26/11/2013 19:41

dustarr He knows where it's kept at and needed to get to work - I didn't mind him taking the car as he knew I wasn't using it

OP posts: