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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed I got asked to pay back money

63 replies

TillyTotter1 · 26/11/2013 19:11

A couple of weeks ago I lent my DB my car and left my bankcard in it. His DP (who I don't get on with in the slightest) gave me twenty quid to tide me over. AIBU to be furious that they text and asked me for it this evening?

I NEVER borrow money from them and it was simply because he fecked off with my card. Usually I would say IABU, they lent me money and it should be paid back straight away but I really think it was just my Sil being spiteful. Me and my DB are the only family we each have and are amazingly close (to the point where he told his DP if she didn't make an effort with me he would break up with her - I can't stand her but I be civil for his sake)

BUT. Since then I have kept their children for an entire weekend. Fed and entertained them. Bought my DN a riding helmet as she hadn't got one (which was £30 but I thought it was really unsafe, Sil wasn't bothered) and drove 30 miles and back twice, to the nearest hospital when my DB broke his ribs to lift and leave him to casualty as his DP couldn't be feckin bothered.

AIBU to be completely insulted that I was asked for this money back, especially considering that my brother earns about eight grand a year more than me and they know I struggle to pay the bills?

OP posts:
Salmotrutta · 26/11/2013 19:42

She went off for a night when her baby was a week old and stayed away a month?

Confused
AryaofhouseQuark · 26/11/2013 19:43

A whole month ?

SauvignonBlanche · 26/11/2013 19:44

A month!??

AryaofhouseQuark · 26/11/2013 19:45

I am really sorry for your loss Tilly.

Original poster
TillyTotter1 · 26/11/2013 19:47

Yup. Baby born at then of August and I had her to half way through November until DB had to come back because of it and then it was happy families again

OP posts:
Fuckityfuckers · 26/11/2013 19:48

She left her newborn baby with you for a MONTH?

What?

Balaboosta · 26/11/2013 19:48

...and you're annoyed about twenty quid?

Lottiedoubtie · 26/11/2013 19:48
Shock

this is SO not about the £20...

phantomnamechanger · 26/11/2013 19:50

you had just lost a baby, and she asked you to babysit her newborn - that is tactless/insensitive, but then she left the baby with you for a MONTH????

Sleepyhead33 · 26/11/2013 19:51

That must have been heartbreaking. I am not surprised you now have such a complicated relationship. A whole month...you poor thing

Salmotrutta · 26/11/2013 19:51

Good god.

I am also very sorry about your loss Tilly.

phantomnamechanger · 26/11/2013 19:52

I do think it is rather petty of them to be nagging for the £20 - if it was £200 fair enough, send a little reminder. But I would so be tempted to invoice them for all the childcare etc, and the loan of the car, fuel, insurance etc.

LadyAlconleigh · 26/11/2013 19:52

Did you, um, not think to call Social Services when she didn't come back?

Salmotrutta · 26/11/2013 19:55

I think a lot of women grieving for a lost child might not call social services LadyAlconleigh.

Sleepyhead33 · 26/11/2013 19:56

It was her brother,s child. Her niece. I'm not sure i would have called SS in that situation.

Original poster
TillyTotter1 · 26/11/2013 19:57

My lad was away 7months by then so it wasn't straight after it and she had PND but I just can't let it go with her. I think I just saw red earlier and needed an excuse to be cross at her. Meh. The moneys paid and forgot about now and I've calmed down after my wee rant - thanks all Smile

OP posts:
GwendolineMaryLacey · 26/11/2013 19:58

Hang on, WTF? She handed over her newborn to someone who had just lost a baby, then pissed off till November (that's 2 months btw) because she forgot to come back for her baby? Shock

phantomnamechanger · 26/11/2013 19:59

I am appalled and intrigued - did she phone after the first night to say she was not coming back? did she pop in and visit every day? did she provide/pay for everything the baby needed? was she unwell or depressed after the birth? struggling to cope with DP away? it is utterly beyond me how she could do this!! Then what, just come back as if nothing had happened , collect baby and swan off again?

Moreisnnogedag · 26/11/2013 20:07

Sorry for your loss tilly.

Before I would have said YABU but with that info dear god you're not.

Actually I don't think it's unreasonable not to forgive her for doing that to you. I would never forgive anyone for that, even if they were lovely and there was extenuating circumstances. I'm shocked you even speak to her.

Original poster
TillyTotter1 · 26/11/2013 20:07

No she asked could I keep DN so she could go out for the night and I said yes. She just didn't come back. She's not local and went to a friend's in her hometown. She came back twice drunk to collect the wean and I wouldn't give the baby to her until she was sober. Hence it being my fault, that she was away so long, that i wouldn't give the child back straight back and that's basically her reason for hating me.

My DB told me when the wean was 6months she had PND because he let slip she was going to therapy. And that's basically it

OP posts:
Bloob · 26/11/2013 20:08
Shock

I'm at a total loss as to how that would work?!

You are a lovely person to have done that. I'm truly sorry for your loss Sad

Original poster
TillyTotter1 · 26/11/2013 20:11

More simply put she is the mother of my DNs and it's a hell of a lot easier to bite my tongue. She has to live with what she's done as well, which I try to keep in mind but yeah I basically think what you's do of her PND or no PND and a hell of a lot more tbh but it's easier to not rip the face off her everytime I see her

OP posts:
SeaSickSal · 26/11/2013 20:25

Sorry, this sounds like something which you may possibly need professional help to deal with. I think it's beyond the realms of AIBU.

I'm also conscious of the fact we are only hearing one side of this and I think it may not be helpful to you to have pages of people tearing into your SIL on the basis of what you've said on here.

There are obviously a lot of unresolved issues around what happened when you had the baby with you but it sounds like the way you are dealing with them at the moment is extremely destructive.

Pearlsaplenty · 26/11/2013 20:50

You definitely owed them the £20. Tell db he's not allowed to take car or anything else ever without asking.

If you resent paying money or having the dn to stay then don't. But don't help and then resent it.

I'm sorry I hear about your ds :(
I think there must be a lot more to the story of why sil left a newborn with you for a month and I feel sorry for her and the baby as well :( :(

digerd · 26/11/2013 20:50

YANBU to feel SIL is just using you , but then so is your DB. Do both of them ever thank you when you look after their DC, lend your car? Do they ever offer to pay for your expenses?
YABU to leave your bank card in your car - keep it in your purse/wallet -and to let yourself be treated like dirt . They should show they are grateful to you. Please and thank you means so much, more than money.