Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

My first wedding AIBU! DP thinks IBU - do you?

71 replies

DontLetTheMugglesGetYouDown · 26/11/2013 14:41

We've been invited to DPs cousins wedding next year. No formal invite (fair enough), 3 hour drive away so overnight stay, and it's the day before my due date. Not that it's really anything to do with it but DP rarely sees this cousin but they do get on enough, I've only met him once briefly.

I've said a firm no. I don't want to travel that far away when I'm 9 months pregnant. DP has said he would probably go himself anyway. I've said I'd be mightily pissed off if he upped sticks and left me with a toddler when I'm that far gone.

What do you think? AIBU to tell him that neither of us can go and to just politely decline now?

OP posts:

DrankSangriaInThePark · 26/11/2013 14:46

YANBU. Which is disappointing as I love a good unreasonable wedding OP.

Of course he is being unreasonable. You may well have a 2 day old baby by then!

BunnyLebowski · 26/11/2013 14:46

He is being completely unreasonable.

He needs to decline the invitation.

Original poster

DontLetTheMugglesGetYouDown · 26/11/2013 14:47

Ah just seen there's a similar thread here :( I was so excited for my first wedding AIBU as well!

OP posts:

Loopytiles · 26/11/2013 14:48

Yanbu of course.

MrsMoon76 · 26/11/2013 14:49

So what happens if haven't had the baby by then and you go into labour that day? Now you could go into labour earlier or later but at this stage I wouldn't be saying I would go if I were him....unless he takes the toddler too

Original poster

DontLetTheMugglesGetYouDown · 26/11/2013 14:51

I feel so mean saying no though. I went 2 weeks over with DS and if that happened again then I'd have made him miss his cousins wedding for no reason.

OP posts:

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 26/11/2013 14:52

YANBU that's insane! For a fair few reasons but off top of my head:

You might go into labour at the venue, 3 hours away from home/your chosen hospital
You might have already had the baby and not be up to a 6 hour round trip (I wouldnt have been)
You'll be too tired/umcomfortable to go any further than the fridge/bed.

As for him going on his own, how does that work if you do go into labour while he's not there? My DP was about 5 minutes away from me when my waters went and DC2 was born. He missed the birth.

Your DH cant be that close to his cousin if you, the mother of his DC has only met them once briefly!

ToriaPumpkin · 26/11/2013 14:53

It's so weird that there are two threads about this today. We've been invited to a wedding when I'll be 38 weeks, several hours away from home and we have a toddler. DH doesn't seem to understand why I'm not keen for him to go by himself. Especially as I was induced at 39 weeks last time.

parakeet · 26/11/2013 14:54

YABU for feeling mean. You wouldn't be making him miss the wedding for no reason. The reason would be taking sensible precautions in case you have your baby on or around your due date. Which is perfectly possible.

hoppingmad · 26/11/2013 14:55

Yanbu - we declined a wedding invite that coincided with my due date. As it turns out dtwins were a week old on the day but no way were we in any state to be attending a wedding or even getting dressed apparently

We declined straightaway as we didn't want them paying for guests who might not be able to go.

BrianTheMole · 26/11/2013 15:00

Of course he can't go. You both have something else booked, like...erm... having a baby .

sebsmummy1 · 26/11/2013 15:01

My god I would be fucking raging if my OH said his plan was to be three hours away at his cousins wedding the day before I was due. I think we would have a screaming row about it (I would be screaming, he would be ducking) and if he was really set on going I would get my mother/sister in as my birthing partner and tell him he wasn't welcome at all.

AmberLeaf · 26/11/2013 15:04

YANBU in the slightest.

Scholes34 · 26/11/2013 15:07

Go to the wedding and take your bag and notes. I'm sure they have hospitals where you're going. I went to a reunion two days before I had DC2, and knew where all the hospitals were off the M1 on the way back to London. We made it back to London on the Sunday evening and DC2 was born just after 10.00 am the next day.

The only downside is for the cousin, who may have two empty seats should your DC2 turn up around that time. If he can be flexible, you should be too.

thebody · 26/11/2013 15:09

he's being fucking ridiculous. what a massive twat!!

of course you can't go. surely his whole family would think he was mental to go too.

technosausage · 26/11/2013 15:12

Yanbu

fuckwittery · 26/11/2013 15:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sebsmummy1 · 26/11/2013 15:18

Scholes the OP doesn't want to go to the wedding! Why the hell should she schlep up to a wedding of OHs family to potentially have to give birth in a hospital she doesn't know and hasn't visited just because her OH fancies it? Honestly I find it boggling.

FeliciaDoolittle · 26/11/2013 15:22

You are having a baby. A whole actual new person. On the same day (possibly) as someone else's wedding. Someone you don't know very well and your DH isn't overly close to.

Why he thinks it would be a good idea to go 3 hours away from your comfort zone is anyone's guess. Do people really think having a baby isn't a big enough deal? You'll either be the size of a house (in the nicest possible way) or you'll have a newborn. Neither of those things go particularly well with a road trip, an overnight stay or being nice to relative strangers all day.

thebestnameshavegone · 26/11/2013 15:30

I got married very recently and 2 couples were in similar positions.

one couple live abroad and at the time of the wedding were 36 weeks gone with twins. and obviously the wife couldn't fly but the husband (with his wife's agreement, I should add) said could we just see what happens nearer the time, we said fine and told him when we needed to confirm numbers. it became clear that he couldn't come and he cancelled just before we had to confirm numbers. no-one was offended, it was the logical thing to do.

couple 2 were 38 weeks with one baby and had a toddler. and they were insistent they were coming. she is one of my oldest friends and even though it meant a 4 hour drive, the fact that she could stay with her parents and knew the local hospital gave her the confidence to try. I got a call from her late on the evening before the wedding, very upset and saying that she didn't think it was a good idea as she was having some stirrings! I was gutted and so was she, but it was the right decision - her baby was born while we were having the evening do!! I think of him as my extra special wedding present!

OP - YANBU, your dp needs to realise the practicalities and needs to support your deicision

Shlurpbop · 26/11/2013 15:34

YANBU. That's it really, nothing else needs adding!

Melonbreath · 26/11/2013 15:34

Yanbu yanbu yanbu.
That is all.

samandi · 26/11/2013 15:34

YADNBU.

*Go to the wedding and take your bag and notes. I'm sure they have hospitals where you're going. I went to a reunion two days before I had DC2, and knew where all the hospitals were off the M1 on the way back to London. We made it back to London on the Sunday evening and DC2 was born just after 10.00 am the next day.

The only downside is for the cousin, who may have two empty seats should your DC2 turn up around that time. If he can be flexible, you should be too.*

BlackbeltinBS · 26/11/2013 15:45

The cousin WILL NOT CARE that he's not there. They're not close. Why in that case would anyone put themselves out for this? The cousin's day will not be ruined. Have you even met the bride? It will free up places for someone else to be invited, or reduce costs. Decline, decline, decline, and save everyone valuable thinking time and hassle from last minute decisions.

BikeRunSki · 26/11/2013 15:50

YA soNBU

I didn't go to my brother's wedding when I was 38 was with DC1 because it was 7 or 8 hrs drive away. Which is just as well because DS came the next day and he might have been.... Cornish! Which is fine really, but maybe not in a long line of Yorkshire folk. By staying at home DS was born in his rightful place of Barnsley!

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread