My first wedding AIBU! DP thinks IBU - do you?

[DontLetTheMugglesGetYouDown]

We've been invited to DPs cousins wedding next year. No formal invite (fair enough), 3 hour drive away so overnight stay, and it's the day before my due date. Not that it's really anything to do with it but DP rarely sees this cousin but they do get on enough, I've only met him once briefly.

I've said a firm no. I don't want to travel that far away when I'm 9 months pregnant. DP has said he would probably go himself anyway. I've said I'd be mightily pissed off if he upped sticks and left me with a toddler when I'm that far gone.

What do you think? AIBU to tell him that neither of us can go and to just politely decline now?

He's not a selfish bastard, just doesn't think things through like I do. He won't go if I really don't want him to.

You should go. Nothing makes a wedding like a woman going into labour during the toasts.

YANBU, of course.

We went to a special wedding close to my due date 5 hours away from home. Took hospital bag, baby car seat and extra clothes for us just in case and my parents, also travelling, took extra clothes too incase they had to stay on and help out . Made a note of hospitals on the route. That said, it was a wedding I really didn't want to miss. Obviously it's up to what you feel comfortable with, just saying it can be done (and they need to understand you can't guarantee you will be there)

YANBU. Not a little bit.

At 40 weeks, I couldn't sit in a car for 10 mins let alone a 6 hour round trip. And he should be there to help YOU, not swan off to a wedding for a cousin he rarely sees.

My DH was best man at a wedding about 2.5 hours drive away on the day of my due date.

I didn't go, but DH did. It was fine. He didn't drink and came straight home, leaving at about 6pm so after the speeches and the meal. DD and I had a quiet day (she was 2.2) and then I had ds1 a week later.

We figured that even if I went into labour he would have time to get home. Strict instructions to ring at first twinge.

While my actual active labour with ds1 was very quick, about 3 hours in total from first painful contraction, it followed a day of milder BH/niggles.

But if you are concerned then I think you are not being unreasonable to say no he should stay at home. Maybe play it by ear and definitely not an overnight?

My first two were two weeks over, my second two were two weeks late. Being 40 weeks pg is not fun, the stereotype of the woman begging to give birth is a stereotype for a good reason! I would have been better equipped to attend a wedding with the two who came early than at 40 wks However that is only because I had done it before and I was well equipped for those first few weeks. If someone had made me attend a wedding with my first at two weeks old I would probably have combusted!

You're right, your dp doesn't have a clue - but tbf why should he, he is new to all this too! Yanbu but go easy on him. Ask him again when your child is 6 months old if he would say that. I bet he wouldn't! He sounds naive rather than insensitive and we've all been guilty of that

My first two were two weeks over, my second two were two weeks late. Being 40 weeks pg is not fun, the stereotype of the woman begging to give birth is a stereotype for a good reason! I would have been better equipped to attend a wedding with the two who came early than at 40 wks However that is only because I had done it before and I was well equipped for those first few weeks. If someone had made me attend a wedding with my first at two weeks old I would probably have combusted!

You're right, your dp doesn't have a clue - but tbf why should he, he is new to all this too! Yanbu but go easy on him. Ask him again when your child is 6 months old if he would say that. I bet he wouldn't! He sounds naive rather than insensitive and we've all been guilty of that

He's being a twat!!!

My first two were two weeks over, my second two were two weeks late. Being 40 weeks pg is not fun, the stereotype of the woman begging to give birth is a stereotype for a good reason! I would have been better equipped to attend a wedding with the two who came early than at 40 wks However that is only because I had done it before and I was well equipped for those first few weeks. If someone had made me attend a wedding with my first at two weeks old I would probably have combusted!

You're right, your dp doesn't have a clue - but tbf why should he, he is new to all this too! Yanbu but go easy on him. Ask him again when your child is 6 months old if he would say that. I bet he wouldn't! He sounds naive rather than insensitive and we've all been guilty of that

Erm. . Sorry about that!

Tell him if he is going to take the toddler too.

weepingvipers the OP and her DH already have a toddler, so the DH is hardly new at this.

I would definitely have put my foot down in the same situation. DC1 was a CS at 38 weeks and DC2 arrived naturally 1 day early (well, according to the midwife, according to me it was the right day).

And also DC2 was a very fast birth, something that runs in my family.

So there's no way now that you can really predict how things will go. He should decline.

YANBU, of course.

Forget the hospital: wouldn't you have to stay around until you got an appointment to register the birth... and if DP isn't your husband, so would he, if he wanted to be on the birth certificate.

Also, would the midwives discharge you straight away? What if there was a cockup in your postnatal "handover" back to your own locsl team if midwives and HVs, which could leave you and DC2 "uncovered"?

Obviously he can't go, i'm amazed he can't see that for himself.

You will either
a) be very heavily pregnant with a toddler
b) have a newborn baby and a toddler
c) be having a baby or in hospital recovering, and he will be caring for the toddler.

In any of these situations he's needed at home!

can your DP take the toddler to the wedding or organise child care for that day? that would seem to be the best. you can have a quiet day at home w/ your feet up, he can attend his family wedding

and if you go into labour whilst he's away, it's only a 3hr drive

that's what we would probably do. bad luck about the timing though.

wouldn't you have to stay around until you got an appointment to register the birth.

You don't have to register a birth in hospital, you have 6 weeks in which to do it.

and if you go into labour whilst he's away, it's only a 3hr drive

My DP would have missed the birth of DS if we'd been in this situation.

DH would have done too. And also, if he's there with a toddler, it won't just be the drive, it'll be packing up the car, making sure toddler has been for a wee/been fed and changed. Maybe a stop on the way back, and then finding somewhere to park the toddler before heading to hospital...

Do you have other people to help you so you aren't stuck in on own with toddler. I would say he can go if you haven't had the baby providing he comes back if you go into labour while he is at wedding, and he can't drink. Would be annoying for him to miss it if your baby is late. But then I am laid back about that sort of thing, went away with work overnight (in uk but 2.5 hour on train) at 37 weeks... Only stipulation was to travel each way with a colleague.

I think there is a difference between 37.5 weeks and 40 weeks though! There's also a good chance she will have the baby in the preceding days.