My first wedding AIBU! DP thinks IBU - do you?

[DontLetTheMugglesGetYouDown]

We've been invited to DPs cousins wedding next year. No formal invite (fair enough), 3 hour drive away so overnight stay, and it's the day before my due date. Not that it's really anything to do with it but DP rarely sees this cousin but they do get on enough, I've only met him once briefly.

I've said a firm no. I don't want to travel that far away when I'm 9 months pregnant. DP has said he would probably go himself anyway. I've said I'd be mightily pissed off if he upped sticks and left me with a toddler when I'm that far gone.

What do you think? AIBU to tell him that neither of us can go and to just politely decline now?

You could be in the middle of delivery of your baby, not really something controllable. Dh is being silly. To feel mean?!? Don't really get that tbh. Your not missing it for any old reason are you?!?

Easiest yanbu ever!

Thanks for the responses, glad to see I'm right :) will show DP this later as he genuinely thinks it would be ok to go! At 40 weeks I expect to be lazing around and being pampered by DP, not stressing trying to find a frock that fits.

If you do go, and you go into labour, then yes, of course there will be a hospital nearby. However, while the chances are all will be good with the medical side of things, the logistics of giving birth in a hospital 3 hours away from home could be a nightmare - chances are you might have to stay in at least one night post birth - where will husband and toddler stay? When you are discharged, you then have a 3 hour drive sitting in a car to get home. Having had 2 children (naturally) I can't imagine anything more uncomfortable, or anything more impractical. What is it ends up beng a c section? Not a good back up plan. There is no way you can go (quite aside from the fact the baby could well already be born) and your DH is BVU to suggest leaving you at home with him 3 hours drive away. Tell him to get a grip or through a very very big meltdown.

I'm amazed anyone would even contemplate going in your circumstances. YANBU.

My Mum was married to my Dad for about 20 years and finally divorced him as she was sick of him never considering her for a moment.

One of the examples she gave was him planning to go away for a weekend doing his hobby on my due date (she had 2 older DCs). Apparently he looked at her like she was mad and said "well you've got your mother haven't you" when she raised an objection.

And that was in the days when men didn't come into the delivery room!

In the end I was a week late and he gloated that it hadn't mattered. That it might have mattered didn't count. That was my Dad for you.

I think it was one of those "final nail in the coffin" moments. And my Mum is not someone needy or precious.

YANBU.

Ydpibaft (your dp is being a fucking twat)

I would be livid if I had to tell my DH not to go tbh - what the fuck is he thinking!! he shouldn't need telling that this is just not an option! Where are his priorities ffs!

YADNBU

no way could I have managed a 3 hour journey within a month of the due date.

I've had friends with DC1 induced at best before date, and DC 2 being early. You can't rely on one baby to indicate when another will be born and assume it's fine.

Seriously? I'd be so upset if my DH had said something like this. He clearly has no idea! And the last thing you need when you're pregnant is extra stress, which he's providing for you in spades here. Is he always so inconsiderate?

YADNBU. You need to be relaxed and feel safe to have a good birth. You need to be able to depend on your partner. And he wants to go to a wedding?! What a selfish man.

We had a similar situation when I was due DD2- we accepted for 2, on the basis that if I hadn't given birth yet we'd leave ds1 at home with my parents and if I'd had dd2 already he'd take ds1- similar situation with a family wedding where there would be loads of relatives to help out and be pleased to see him and dd1.
In the end inhad had dd2 and DH went alone, can't remember why.
The point is, 15 years on it doesn't matter!

I'd probably go if it was local to me helpyourself but it's ages away at a hospital I don't know and I don't know anyone at the wedding. And someone pointed out up thread that getting home is a nightmare even with natural labour.

I've decided anyway that neither of us are going, DP will just have to do as he's told!

YANBU.

The cousin will barely notice you and DP are not there. It's totally U to go by himself when you will need him to be supportive. And there's no way you should be expected to haul up at some random hospital. What if god forbid there are complications and you get stuck three hours from home.

YANBU.

FWIW after an average length first labour my DD2 arrived in a labour of about 1 hr 20 in hindsight, saying that I didn't realise I was in labour until I needed to push and she arrived less than 20 mins later. Had he been 3 hrs away DH would have missed the birth.

Hilarious. YANBU.

Good God.

I went to a cousin's wedding recently, 7 hours away, 33 weeks pregnant and with 2 toddlers (I wanted to go). But it was fucking hard work and I was exhausted/couldn't relax and was very uncomfortable. It was probably unwise of me to have gone but I really wanted to see DH's family.

Sorry, pointless late post as YKYANBU.

In hindsight I'd have a rethink and at least have got a sitter - and no way would I be attempting anything similar at your late stage!

I went 2 weeks over with DS and if that happened again then I'd have made him miss his cousins wedding for no reason.

No no! That's how Noel Edmunds would look at it

You'd still have made the right decision because you made the decision at a time when you had no way of knowing what would happen!

YANBU

My hubby went to his best friends wedding when I was 40+4 with ds2. It was about 3 hours away.

I arranged for my mum and dad to come stay with me (DH was away for 1 night) and look after ds1.

I went to 40+10 and dh enjoyed the wedding.

If you have no support, or only want your dh to be at your side he should decline. Otherwise, assuming he is ok with missing the birth he should go.

If neither of you are bothered he is there for the birth I would let him go, provided he took your other DC so if anything happens you don't have to worry about childcare.

posted too soon - but in reality I would have killed DH for even suggesting he went on his own.

What is it about these selfish bastards? How come there are so many of them about?