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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want an apology from Vomit Friend.

64 replies

Blithereens · 25/11/2013 18:19

Party on Saturday night, a very new friend missed her train and asked if she could stay over. I said yes, and made up the sofabed. Woke up later hearing strange noises and surmised she was being sick. I heard her being sick in the bathroom, I think maybe in the kitchen (both these places I bleached crazily as soon as she'd gone!) but I didn't realise she had thrown up all over the sofabed.

She had made some attempt at cleaning it herself, but the sofabed stinks (although I got some good tips over on the Housekeeping topic to try) and a number of our books are totally ruined. I can't afford to the replace the sofabed, and the particular books she has chosen to boak all over were gifts to DH.

All she has said about it is, "Well, this is embarrassing." She didn't tell me to what extent, and as I sit on the floor wearing rubber gloves picking vomit out of every crevice in my spare room, I can't help but feel rather narked that she hasn't said sorry! If I've been ill at other people's houses in the past (and always IN THE BLOODY TOILET) I've fallen over myself to apologise, offer to pay any cleaning bill, etc.

WIBU to email her and politely ask if she has anything to say about it?

OP posts:
Original poster
Blithereens · 25/11/2013 18:21

*To what extent she had blown chunks everywhere, not to what extent she was embarrassed!

OP posts:
formerbabe · 25/11/2013 18:22

Disgraceful.... She should have offered to pay to have it professionally cleaned.

WilsonFrickett · 25/11/2013 18:22

I am a vommer well I used to be and have to say I've never vommed on someone's sofa. That's gross. She should of course apologise and offer to buy a new cover but she's probably deep, deep in the grip of the shame and the fear right now.

That said, I would probably phone her up cos it's really not on. I have a DF who still won't let me forget a throwing up on a pair of her trousers and then leaving them behind for her to deal with. And quite right too. Even if it was 30 years ago, they were silk after all...

Crowler · 25/11/2013 18:25

WTF? I'd be cutting her lose, but not before I got some money for I'm not even sure what. Pain and suffering.

overfacebook · 25/11/2013 18:25

YADNBU-that is rank. She should be grovelling and insisting on having the sofa bed professionally cleaned at the very least, and replacing the books. Perhaps this new friend won't turn into a lasting friendship...

Alisvolatpropiis · 25/11/2013 18:27

Yanbu.

The sick can't be helped really but not cleaning up after herself is outrageous!

Only1scoop · 25/11/2013 18:27

Yanbu at all. Years ago I remember a a friends oh had vommed in our downstairs loo. Splashes all over the plaster and carpet....I was horrified that he hadn't cleaned it. Nothing to what has happened at your place....Shock

Crowler · 25/11/2013 18:27

Yes, she should be groveling. It's only right.

WooWooOwl · 25/11/2013 18:28

You can't politely ask if she has anything to say about it. It will easily come across as passive aggressive as it sounds.

I'd take pictures of everything she has ruined and send them to her, along with estimates of how much they will cost to replace.

You have two choices here really. The fact that she hasn't done the decent thing and offered to pay means that she isn't willing to pay voluntarily. So you either forget about it and move in with the friendship, or you make it clear how pissed off you are and let her know that you expect to be reimbursed for the damage she caused.

Personally, I'd go with the latter, because if she hasn't apologised and offered to pay, then she isn't a very good friend, and doesn't really care that much about your opinion of her. So you may as well try and get your money back.

WeAreEternal · 25/11/2013 18:30

I would send her a bill for cleaning, if the sofa bed is salvageable, if not is send her a bill for a new sofa bed, and for the books and anything else she ruined.

I would then cut ties with a someone that didn't even bother to apologise.

YellowDinosaur · 25/11/2013 18:33

One of our neighbours had a party. Another neighbour pissed on their sofa. And came round the next day with some upholstery cleaner by watt of an 'apology'. Wasn't offering to clean it herself though... Cheeky bitch!

YellowDinosaur · 25/11/2013 18:34

And I'd definitely expect her to pay for it to be professionally cleaned as a minimum...

elskovs · 25/11/2013 18:36

That is fucking disgusting. I would be so angry. If someone came and smeared dog shit all over your home youd call the police.

Filthy disgusting slut. I agree with WooWoo - send her the bill for an entire new sofa - no point even trying to clean it, its disgusting. And books and anything else she ruined.

Im so angry for you, this is my worst nightmare.

Ruffcat · 25/11/2013 18:44

slut seriously

Ruffcat · 25/11/2013 18:45

slut seriously? That's a disgusting word

Original poster
Blithereens · 25/11/2013 18:45

Thanks all. WooWoo, I hadn't realised it sounded PA, I was trying to be gentle! And failing, apparently. Thanks (genuinely) for pointing that out.

She's sort of a satellite friend - I know her through someone else and we had started to become closer - but not difficult to pull back and just give her a hard stare when I see her around, I suppose. I think I am going to have to say something, though. Maybe she doesn't realise how bad it was?

It's so rank. SO RANK. Blaargh.

OP posts:
elskovs · 25/11/2013 18:51

Yes, filthy slut Confused

Disgusting WORD Grin that's what you pick up on?!? ??? Did you not read the OP???

Wibblypiglikesbananas · 25/11/2013 18:53

Another one saying send her a bill. Ok, the odd wine spillage you can cope with, even someone puking in your bathroom. But to vomit so much that you ruin soft furnishings and books - disgusting!

thebody · 25/11/2013 18:59

yeuk, send her a cleaning bill.

ThenSheSaid · 25/11/2013 19:05

WooWoo has the right idea. I would ask her to pay to have the sofa professionally cleaned.

Dear Vommie Friend
I haven't been able to get all the vomit stains out of the sofa, I have contacted a specialist cleaning company who will clean it for £XXX. You also vomited over some of my books which has completely ruined them. I have attached some photos so that you can see the damage for yourself. Can you please let me know how you intend to pay. Regards Blithereens

spindlyspindler · 25/11/2013 19:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

helenthemadex · 25/11/2013 19:14

vile this would be my worst nightmare, I struggle to deal with it when my dc are ill, great email from theshesaid

MintyChops · 25/11/2013 19:24

Ugh, disgusting. Agree with sending ThenSheSaid's email.

starsandunicorns · 25/11/2013 19:27

Good email I had my sil vom all over the spare bed didnt bother to even use the bucket I gave her just in case in the morning she just woke up and left the house leaving door unlocked before I woke up so fucking found it her brother my now ex said dont bother to mention anything because she could do no wrong and its not worth tge hassle

So I told him he could it clean it
I never forgiven her and refused to socialise with after that

KrabbyPatty · 25/11/2013 19:29

I like the e-mail, but only send it if you are happy to lose her as a friend.

If she hasn't been falling over herself to make amends, I'd imagine receiving a bill is going to piss her off.

Or perhaps she's trying to make little of it as she is so embarrassed?