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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is odd and a bit annoying

75 replies

bimbabirba · 24/11/2013 20:06

For the past few weeks, every Sunday around lunch time I get a text from the mum of one of my DS' friends asking if DS is available to play with her DS. They're in YR 7.
Last weekend it was 3 pm when she texted so I suppose she just expected us to read the text and drop DS off at hers within a very short period of time?
Her DS is an only child so perhaps he gets bored on Sundays and asks if his friends can come around to play. She could at least offer to pick up and drop off?
Anyway I've said no because it wasn't convenient but am I BU in thinking this is odd behaviour and to be slightly annoyed by it?

OP posts:
Bowlersarm · 24/11/2013 20:12

Yes, I think he probably requests a friend part of the way through the day if he's bored, especially if he's been by himself on the saturday as well.

But I don't think his parents should do pick up and drop back. I think you should do one, if he goes. In effect she's hosting your child for the afternoon, so one journey shouldn't be too much to ask of you.

MrsLouisTheroux · 24/11/2013 20:17

Why are you annoyed that her DS wants to see your son? I don't see the problem with dropping your son off either. If it's not convenient, decline politely.

Vivacia · 24/11/2013 20:17

Year 7 is a bit young to be going through parents for this kind of thing ime.

Sparrowlegs248 · 24/11/2013 20:18

She should perhaps have noticed a pattern by now and be more prepared.

Original poster
bimbabirba · 24/11/2013 20:20

I find it a bit annoying that she asks my DS to keep her DS company at the very last minute. She could at least try to organise it the day before Hmm

OP posts:
MrsLouisTheroux · 24/11/2013 20:23

I don't mind last minute arrangements and if they don't suit us ( we're going out or whatever) I decline. Surely her son would be company for your son also? Or do you see this boy as a charity case? Hmm

Original poster
bimbabirba · 24/11/2013 20:27

Not a charity case, I don't mind short notice but to text at 3 pm for an afternoon play date seems a bit extreme

OP posts:
whois · 24/11/2013 20:29

Why? Do you never text friends to see who's around at short notice?

MrsLouisTheroux · 24/11/2013 20:31

Oh well. I probably wouldn't phone so late myself but I don't think I'd object to it if someone phoned for my DC at 3pm.

MrsLouisTheroux · 24/11/2013 20:33

I also didn't think Y.7 DC had 'playdates'!! DD is similar age and she's starting to make her own plans! (Although I sometimes have to say no!)

Original poster
bimbabirba · 24/11/2013 20:34

If this boy's mum was a close friend I wouldn't find it odd but I barely know the woman (DS has only started at his new school in September) and she is the opposite of friendly - apart for last minute invites to my DS

OP posts:
SavoyCabbage · 24/11/2013 20:34

Candy your ds get himself there? On his bike or something? I know what you mean. I would find it annoying if it was every week. You are sort of wait hung for it to happen.

Original poster
bimbabirba · 24/11/2013 20:37

When she texted today I said it'd be difficult to drop off and pick up today because of other arrangements and she didn't bother to reply even.

OP posts:
Zipadeedoodah · 24/11/2013 20:38

My DD is 10 and I wouldn't dream if letting her make her own plans- I thought that's what everyone did -am I wrong ? Anyway, OP. I would not feel obliged to say yes and hint at some forward planning from the Mum

Bunbaker · 24/11/2013 21:12

"but am I BU in thinking this is odd behaviour and to be slightly annoyed by it?"

Yes, very. DD is an only child and after Sunday lunch and when all the homework is done she often wants some company. I don't sort out her social life any more because she is 13, but it is quite normal for children of that age to spontaneously want to see each other. Do the boys not have each other's mobile number so they can contact each other?

Why is it such a problem for you? Do you always have to plan your life down to the last minute?

"My DD is 10 and I wouldn't dream if letting her make her own plans- I thought that's what everyone did"

By the time DD was 10 and she wanted to see a friend at the weekend I was encouraging her to ring her friends herself. She is in year 9 at school now. It just isn't done for parents to arrange "playdates" for children at secondary school.

Bowlersarm · 24/11/2013 21:23

Here its the done thing for year 7 playdates to come through parents - my DSes friends are all a fair distant in the car. I wouldn't take them anywhere unless I knew the parents were expecting them. If they were meeting in town, they made their own arrangements, if at a house it would be confirmed via parents.

Bunbaker · 24/11/2013 21:31

We live in a rural area, so DD asks me first if she can arrange something with her friends, but I don't usually contact the other parents to arrange it. I let the girls make the arrangements (once they have confirmed with their parents). By 13 it really isn't cool to have your parents arrange your social life.

WooWooOwl · 24/11/2013 21:38

I don't think she's being unreasonable to invite your ds over at the last minute, but if this is happening every week then it does seem a bit odd that she doesn't organise something in advance.

I think it would be more polite of her to offer to either collect or drop off, depending on what suits you best seeing as its her son that wants to be able to see yours.

Bowlersarm · 24/11/2013 21:40

Bunbaker not sure that my DSes and their mates care about being cool then.

SummerRain · 24/11/2013 21:42

Dd is 8, 9 in Jan and herself and her bf tend to decide between themselves if they want to see each other. they don't have phones but will plan stuff at school or message each other on the 3ds. Her mother and I confirm with each other but the girls instigate it most of the time.

As for lifts, I'm without a car a lot of the time so her bfs mother very kindly does most of the running around, we live in the country so until they can drive themselves whichever one of us us able will do the driving back and forth, dd often gets dropped off by her bfs elder siblings or friends if they're going past our way... It's based on convenience, not a Rota system

TheSmallClanger · 24/11/2013 21:43

Y7 is too old for "playdates" surely?

At that age, DD was talking to her friends herself and then asking me for permission/transport/whatever.

maras2 · 24/11/2013 21:45

Thank Christ that there were no mobile phones when my kids were young.

ZenNudist · 24/11/2013 21:46

If you don't like her texting last minute say no and then offer to organise something properly for another week.

I also think that you'd be really ungrateful to expect her to pick up, drop off and host. She's offering to entertain your ds for a few hours on a Sunday afternoon when kids typically get bored and parents would often like to be able to get some jobs done.

She probably thinks she's offering to do you a favour. If you're local there's I reason why she can't suggest last minute plans. I always find it difficult to make formal plans but easy to do something last minute. Admittedly I don't text people at lunch to see if they're free pm.

ChippingInLovesAutumn · 24/11/2013 21:48

YANBU to think it's odd and a bit annoying.

Most people wont agree with you, but YANBU to think what you like really.

Say 'Yes' or 'No' as the mood takes you - it's really not a big deal.

LoveandLife · 24/11/2013 21:51

I think by yr 7 "hanging out" within any prior arrangement is absolutely normal. Doesn't ds have any local friends? Here the doorbell us going instantly all weekend. Sometimes it's convenient and they come in/he does out. Sometimes it's not and they don't.

Ds1 yr8 doesn't have a mobile but often gets fb messages adding him over. I drive him and collect - the other parent is hosting