to be in a mood becuase he woke me up?

[pleasedontwakemeup]

My DH thinks that he can wake me up when i am sleeping if it does not fit into his schedule and then complains that i am in a mood.

Background
i dont sleep well on the best of times, im on mulitple medications for numerous reasons, currently i'm waiting for an mri this week, and referrals to two other specialists before christmas.

I work 6 days a week between 7 and 6pm (flexi hours) in a phyically demanding job.

DH works shifts and has to be in bed by 9 so that he can get up in time for his early morning shift. he thinks i should go to bed at 9 like him. but if i do i wake up and then i'm awake all night tossing and turning.

sunday is my only day off and i like to lie in. BUT HE thinks that 10 is the time i should be up and wakes me up.... every fucking week!

so today i woke naturally before 10 and he was okay, but we had a huge lunch and i fell asleep afterwards. he 'allowed me' to sleep for half an hour before waking me up and bringing me home (we had been out for lunch then back to MIL)

Now i'm steaming mad at him, and he is saying I'M being unreasonable because it was time to go.

thing is... he is not the boss of me. i am a grown adult who should be able to sleep when i like

plus where his is respect for me?

sorry for the rant. but i need to know AIBU or do i need to get a bit of perspective?

Tell him straight that if he continued to wake you up when he thinks you should be up, you will begin to do the same to him to fit his waking hours in with yours.

Where were you asleep today?

YABU and rather rude to fall asleep in someone else's house.

YANBU about the other stuff, but YABU about him waking you to go home while you were sleeping at your MILs.

Was he supposed to leave you sleeping there all day?

i dozed off watching a film on the sofa in mil's house. there was MIL FIL DH and DD

I think waking you up at 10am is unreasonable unless you have plans which mean you need to be out.

But if I read it right and you fell asleep at your MIL house (which in itself could be deemed quite rude) then I don't think he was being unreasonable - how long is he meant to wait around for you to wake up? Go home and go back to sleep at home if you really need it.

Isn't it a bit rude to fall asleep in other peoples house when you are visiting.

I alpologised to MIL for falling asleep and she said 'dont worry you must of needed it.'

He sounds very controlling about your sleep, like a power struggle with the whole 'letting' you sleep.
Either he stops otherwise you will wake him when you see fit too. Only allow him to sleep when you want him to sleep. Maybe he will then understand how it feels.

Op you cannot seriously be pissed off because he woke you up at your MIL's to take you home?

I am a bit twitchy about people falling asleep on my sofas when they visit. I think it demonstrates a lamentable lack of self control. Especially when they snore

Good point about it always being his job to get up with the child/children.

Sure if this was a man posting that would have been a major point!

If it was your own home then I'd agree with you - and certainly he needs to stop being so controlling about when you sleep in your own home, but in this specific case, you were the unreasonable one. It's not on to nap in someone else's home and it's not unreasonable to be woken up from sleeping on someone else's sofa when you were supposed to be visiting them, because it's time to go.

Did you expect to be left there until you woke up naturally? That is unreasonable.

I think that your justified anger about his unreasonable attitude generally is stopping you from seeing that in this one case - you were in the wrong, because it was someone else's home. You really shouldn't be able to sleep when you want not the boss of me I'm an adult etc etc when you are a guest in someone's house !

I would say its fine to fall asleep in family members home when you clear suffering ill health, work full time and have husband that controls your sleep pattern.

I can also see why he does the 10am thing if its the only day you get to spend as a family. I appreciate you need your sleep and think he is wrong for having made the decision as to when to wake you but realistically I would be pissed off if on the one day you had to spend together one family member was sleeping in very late.

How old is your daughter?

its the control thing that pisses me off the most tbh

I know that i was in someone elses house... but how many of you have a little snooze after christmas dinner?

as for letting yourself fall asleep... i can assure you that when i have to sleep, i cannot stay awake. my eyes roll round in my head and i get delirious.

i have seen the dr about it previously and he said that its nothing to worry about

okay, so 6 days a week im at someone elses beck and call and on the 7th i'm at his beck and call?????

how does that work?

I don't ever sleep after christmas dinner, never have, even if someone else was 'doing' the hosting etc.

I must say I do have issues with people that sleep during the day when everyone else is awake, I think it's rude especially if you are a parent. My EX used to do that as IMO a way of 'getting out of' family duties.

Someone not being in great health would make me be more accepting of it though.

I think it's very rude to sleep at someone else's home. And sleeping till ten sounds very reasonable. He sounds like he wakes you to spend time with the family, doesn't seem controlling at all. Yabu.

I think you are understandably worn out and are having a shit time, but I don't think his wanting you to engage with your family is being at your husbands 'beck and call'

Is Sunday his only day off?

Yeah, that's pretty much called life. everyone owns a piece of you.

Have you sat down together and talked about it all? Do you wake him up when you come to bed later than 9? What is it that he wants to happen after 10am on a sunday that makes it so important to him that you are up? What time would you like to get up? Given that you work so many hours, does that come across like not wanting family time? Are you so busy pulling backward and forward for control that you are actually totally misunderstanding one another? Is he wanting to control you or be with you? Does he understand how knackered you are? Is there any way the two of you could look at your work and working patterns and make changes there?

There's just so much that the two of you need to talk about, really need to understand where the other is coming from, but you both have to do it in a non defensive and non accusatory manner.

I am not an advocate of little spiteful acts towards spouses, but I really think you need to give him a taste of his own medicine, ie. wake him up at inconvenient times until he gets you. It's not a loving act to wake someone up for no reason whatsoever. I'd go mental. I also work damn long hours and like to lie in on my one morning a week at home. My husband, who also works long hours, always occupies the toddler and lets me rest then- despite being shattered himself. He is just an excellent human being. Sorry, not a boast, OP, but I can completely understand your anger.

I also fail to see the huge problem about falling asleep after lunch. It was at the in-laws', for heaven's sake: ie. in a family setting. Not something to make a habit of, no, but damn rude, my arse.

Maybe the OP wakes her [go to bed at 9pm] husband when she comes to bed each night?