to be in a mood becuase he woke me up?

[pleasedontwakemeup]

My DH thinks that he can wake me up when i am sleeping if it does not fit into his schedule and then complains that i am in a mood.

Background
i dont sleep well on the best of times, im on mulitple medications for numerous reasons, currently i'm waiting for an mri this week, and referrals to two other specialists before christmas.

I work 6 days a week between 7 and 6pm (flexi hours) in a phyically demanding job.

DH works shifts and has to be in bed by 9 so that he can get up in time for his early morning shift. he thinks i should go to bed at 9 like him. but if i do i wake up and then i'm awake all night tossing and turning.

sunday is my only day off and i like to lie in. BUT HE thinks that 10 is the time i should be up and wakes me up.... every fucking week!

so today i woke naturally before 10 and he was okay, but we had a huge lunch and i fell asleep afterwards. he 'allowed me' to sleep for half an hour before waking me up and bringing me home (we had been out for lunch then back to MIL)

Now i'm steaming mad at him, and he is saying I'M being unreasonable because it was time to go.

thing is... he is not the boss of me. i am a grown adult who should be able to sleep when i like

plus where his is respect for me?

sorry for the rant. but i need to know AIBU or do i need to get a bit of perspective?

And before people jump on my case, my husband simply requires less sleep than I do. It is perfectly normal. Men do need less sleep than women, on average. He is usually sleeping when I leave for work during the week, though, and I take great care never to wake him unless he has asked me to.

It's just simple kindness and consideration.

no Sunday isnt his only day off. Our dd is old enough not to need either of us to be awake.

but his feeling is that 10 am is late enough in a what will the neighbours say kind of way. i say fuck the neighbours, im your wife, you should be more concerned about what i think and what i say thatn a bunch of random strangers who just happed to live geographically close to us.

thing is that hes up at 4.30 so 10 is a six hour lie in for him. but i dont get the option to have more than a three hours lie in!!!!

He doesnt necessarily want me to DO anything. we usually spend sunday PM with the inlawas, and we are all happy with that.

i dont wake him up at night
he doesnt wake me up in the mornings

in the mornings when he is working

How many days a week does he work? Do you wake him up coming to bed later? How early is he leaving? How often does he lie in?

See I have fallen asleep at my ILs house (I blame DS who fell asleep first on the sofa). But if we needed to be going at some point I would of course expect to be woken up. I wouldn't think that everyone else should quietly wait and talk in whispers till I woke up.

we usually stay till 5 but we left a couple of hours early today. he could have easily left me longer, but he didnt bother

I dont expect everyone to tiptoe around BUT i do expect them not to purposely wake me to suit thier own schedule.

there was no discussion today about leaving early. i fell asleep and he decided it was time to go.

How the hell will the neighbours know what time you get up? Are they on curtain watch? That's a ridiculous thing for him to say. If you have neighbours who watch to see what time your bedroom curtains open so they can judge you, then you have twats for neighbours.

You really need to talk this through. There must be a compromise here.

How much time do the two of you spend together, just being a couple? How much time do the 3 of you spend being a family, doing family stuff?

Is there room for change/compromise? Can 10am become 11am say can he forget about the Judgement of Mrs Jones at Number Seventeen? Can you go to bed early every now and again if you are waking him up when you go to bed?

he works 5 days a week, and he chooses not to lie in past 9 ish

when he has already bad a 5 hour lie in.

i dont wake him up when i cme to bed

Men do need less sleep than women themaltesefalcon

Really? Is this common knowledge?

Ok, forget the waking him up when you go to bed then

one sunday in 4 he goes without you to his parents and you spend the day sleeping. In return, one sunday a month you get up with him and spend the whole day together and the other sundays are a compromise?

There has to be a way to meet in the middle. It can't be nice to have this weekly battle and all this resentment.

Yep I agree. Tell him the next time he wakes you up on a Sunday he can go visiting himself and you'll go back to bed. Then stick to it.

It is a bit off falling asleep at somebody's house but looking at the bigger gripe it makes more sense to why you're pissed off.

This is a tricksy one. I would get annoyed at you laying in till late and then napping after lunch as it just seems so odd to me and such a waste of a day [has become my mother]

Perhaps worth discussing with your DH what's going on - if you need extra sleep because of shifts/medical conditions then that's a different matter. But falling asleep in someone else's house would seem rude to me.

But I still have small children so never sleep past 6am so am totally the wrong person to answer a thread about being woken at 10am

Maybe he misses you a bit? Could seem as though while he's awake you're always either working or sleeping? My OH would wake me if Sunday was the only day we had together.

okay so this row has been boiling on for a while now. one month he woke me every Sunday and i said that i wasn't going with them.

at the end of the month he said its starting to look odd.. when are you going to come out with us again?

I said ... when you stop waking me up, and he had left me alone for a week or two

I would start that up again as it seemed to work.

Or alternatively I would go to a hotel each Satarday night make it clear it will be coming out the family budget so no going out for him or treats until he learns to be more respectful.

okay and there is still the issue

he says its MY fault i'm in a mood and that i shouldnt get mad that hes woken me.

But have you sat down and really discussed it, with each of you listening to how the other feels, with the aim of finding a solution? you're describing lots of anger and standoffs but nothing about communicating and trying to find something that you can both agree on.

I don't think it's unreasonable to get you up at 10am. It's long enough to catch up on sleep and if its the only day you spend together as a family, you're wasting a good chunk of it

which isn't going to happen if he's going on about 'fault'. He needs to stop trying to assign blame and start looking with you for mutually acceptable solutions. People who are more concerned with fault and with winning will never solve problems.

I agree that it sounds like you need to have a conversation about it which doesn't take place off the back of you being woken up or him trying to go to bed. Maybe if you look at how much you each sleep and how much you each feel like you need to sleep then you can work back to a solution which suits you both.

If its your only day off together, I don't think I would have a problem with being woken at 10 to spend the day together.

YADNBU, I need more sleep than dh & work longer hours, I would go mental if he woke me on my day off.