to be in a mood becuase he woke me up?

[pleasedontwakemeup]

My DH thinks that he can wake me up when i am sleeping if it does not fit into his schedule and then complains that i am in a mood.

Background
i dont sleep well on the best of times, im on mulitple medications for numerous reasons, currently i'm waiting for an mri this week, and referrals to two other specialists before christmas.

I work 6 days a week between 7 and 6pm (flexi hours) in a phyically demanding job.

DH works shifts and has to be in bed by 9 so that he can get up in time for his early morning shift. he thinks i should go to bed at 9 like him. but if i do i wake up and then i'm awake all night tossing and turning.

sunday is my only day off and i like to lie in. BUT HE thinks that 10 is the time i should be up and wakes me up.... every fucking week!

so today i woke naturally before 10 and he was okay, but we had a huge lunch and i fell asleep afterwards. he 'allowed me' to sleep for half an hour before waking me up and bringing me home (we had been out for lunch then back to MIL)

Now i'm steaming mad at him, and he is saying I'M being unreasonable because it was time to go.

thing is... he is not the boss of me. i am a grown adult who should be able to sleep when i like

plus where his is respect for me?

sorry for the rant. but i need to know AIBU or do i need to get a bit of perspective?

If he didn't wake you, what time would you typically wake up?

Why don't you compromise and go to sleep very early on Saturday to be up to 10 on the Sunday. I wouldn't be happy if the only family day my DH had he would prefer to sleep through it. Yes he may have other days off, but it's one day where you can spend with them. Waking up past 10 seems to waste the day, and a bit selfish in everyone else.

I would be pretty pissed off if DP slept in past 9/10am on our only day off together. I actually think it's quite selfish if you insist on sleeping in late every Sunday and leave him to look after your DD. Yes, he's happy to get up early, fine, but don't you want to spend time with him and DD as a family? I think I would be quite upset if my partner chose to spend every Sunday in bed over spending time with me. Once a month or so? Fine. But every week? A bit selfish IMO, sorry.

"I must say I do have issues with people that sleep during the day when everyone else is awake, I think it's rude"

You clearly don't know what it is like to have sleep problems. If I am really, really tired once I sit down somewhere comfortable I struggle to stay awake.

How much time do you spebd together? Is sunday the only day you have off together? How old is dd?

Bunbaker, actually I do know what it's like, I have a child with autism who sleeps very little, so if he is awake I have to be awake. I know what tired feels like believe me. Even once he is asleep I then struggle to get off to sleep because the moment has passed.

Health issues aside people that opt out of family life and leave the responsibility to someone else while they sleep are selfish.

I think hibu to wake you but yabu to act grumpy. But i'm coming from a place where we encourage each other to get more sleep when tired but also generally go to be st Tyre same time (a good couple of hours before I would otherwise do). I suspect you are running an unhealthy sleep deficit with staying up too late if you usually need a lie in of several hours and your dh feels that doing thus affects family life.

That doesn't mean he is handling it well by waking you, but sleeping through your only day off when you choose to go to bed late every night and have DC is also selfish.

I also agree with Mines that, health issues aside, it's not normal to need to sleep in that late once a week, and to fall asleep at other people's houses.

Have you considered going to the GP and getting some help with your sleep? I say this as someone who often struggles to sleep - but I would never fall asleep at someone's house after lunch unless I was unwell.

10 am does seem pretty late as you don't work nights and 7pm is not out of the ordinary- finish time. If it's your health problems causing you to be tired can you take this up with work?

However I don't think his attitude aboit waking you up is very kind/loving/respectful. Please cam we know how old dd is as this makes all the difference to who is being most unreasonable/unkind?

I think you are being a tiny bit unfair on your family but iit's not for hI'm to force you to wake up.

My Dh could ssleep for England if given a chance but doesn't mean he should do it!

You are working 6 days a week in a tiring job, no wonder you are tired on the seventh!

I love my afternoon naps on a Sunday and would be very peeved if my husband woke me up, this is unlikely as he also has a nap on Sundays too, we are busy all week and it's the only opportunity to catch up.

I think you need to look at why you are so tired (if you are ill tol this is exhausting) and then at what you both want- say a morning at his parents, followed by a doze in the afternoon at home on a Sun.

I think it is reasonable for people to have a nap or a lie-in on their days off, it's a family day but you can't help being tired. I'm lucky as we both feel the same and would actively help the other one get some extra time asleep as we know we are both exhausted and this has to happen for us to function the rest of the week.

I think some of the people on this thread aren't working 6 full days a week which is why they imagine you might want to be up with a lovely cycle ride at 9am on a Sunsay!

YABU. Ignoring the fact that falling asleep on the couch at someone else's home is extremely rude and makes things awkward for everyone else, was your DH supposed to just hang around for hours at MIL's waiting for you to wake up on your own? Frankly I think he and MIL were being very nice letting you have 30 minutes, my DH would have nudged me awake the second I started dozing off and vice versa.

I go to bed late every night, I don't like going to bed earlier and I don't sleep well if I do. But that's my problem. I still get up early on the weekends so I can spend lot's of time with DH and the DC's. If I wasn't capable of getting up happily with such little sleep, I'd do what I need to to change my sleeping patterns rather than spend half the day in bed/falling asleep on the couch. If you're really exhausted, you should be collapsing into bed by 9pm. I believe you are exhausted, but going to bed late can be a hard habit to break. Since it's causing problems, I'd be working on that ASAP.

Dd is 10 and independent.

I often work pastmidnight on Saturday mighyet he still wakes me on sundayt

You don't seem to understand that if I go to bed early I sleep for an hour then am awake for tbe fest of the night.

I have seen from who says it's to be expected and not to worry about it.

It's dh's controlling and lack of respect that I'm struggling with.

If I got my lie in yesterday I wouldn't necessarily want one next week. He NEVER let's me sleep in.

Even when I say...im having good a lie in tomorrow please let me sleep.
Then he wakes me andvsays I thought you would want me to wake you.

Wtf gave you that idea?????? I specifically told you I wanted to be, left alone.

It's this imposition of his wishes that wind me up. Then he vets angry with me because I'm steaming that he's woken me

I tell him that if he doesn't wake me I won't be grumpy....but it makes no difference.

What exactly do I have to do so that he actually, listens and respects what I want????

Have you tried talking to him about why he wants to wake you up? Sounds like you both have different expectations of how to spend your only day together so perhaps some respect and compromise is needed on both sides?

You have to sit down together and have a long and honest conversation exploring why you both feel as you do, with the aim of reaching agreement. Without either of you attacking the other, making it into a win/lose situation or getting defensive.

Maybe what you need to do is make him work 6 days/nights a week and you can do 5. That way you get a lie in and he can get up when you decide on his one day off?

1. I think you're both fighting for control. You think it's all about him controlling you, but I can pretty much guarantee he feels the same about you insisting on being in bed until you wake up naturally.

2. He probably has an underlying belief that "10 hours sleep ought to be enough for anyone" - and if you worked till past midnight, that's still about 10 hours sleep. You probably have an underlying belief that "I've had enough sleep when I wake up naturally".

You do need to have an honest conversation. One where you're more interested in what the other person has to say than you are in putting your own views across.

home how do you work that out as 10 hours sleep that's dreadful maths.
If Someone works till AFTER midnight they won't be in bed asleep at midnight. OP still actually has to finish work, get home and then get to bed and fall asleep.

I think you need to talk seriously to your dp and also to a doctor and your work to try to bring down what you have to do to a manageable level and see if you can get help with your sleeping probs.

it's not fair on your or dd if you need to spend half of your only day off asleep. 10 is still pretty young to be told you can't see your Mum for half of her only day off imo.

Seeking help on aibu is probably not the answer for you as it seems like a medical problem.

Your dp does sound a bit controlling but it also seems like his understanding of the situation is different from yours, i.e. the reasons why you can't sleep in the evenings, which would be more "standard".

I said "about 10 hours".

I think you're assuming that the OP works past midnight somewhere other than her house.

I thought it just as likely (or more so) that she worked till past midnight at home and then collapsed into bed a few minutes later, ie asleep by 12.15am.

If I went to my parents house and my husband fell asleep, when it was time to go Id wake him up too.

I wouldnt let him carry on snoring. How rude.

Why does he think you should go to bed at the same time as him?

Yes he thinks I should go to bet at 9pm every night, when he does.

I have tried this and every night I woke at 11 and didn't get Back to sleep till two or so.

Lying next to him snoring his head off is not preferable yo waiting downstairs until I can't keep my eyes open, say 11. Then I sleep till 6.30.

For info I actually went to bed at 8 on friday because I was ill, was out and about with dd from 8 till 8 when I went home and went to bed. Then I woke naturally still 9.20.

But still full of a cold and after a huge meal out I felt asleep on his mum's sofa. He decided it was time to go 2 hours earlier than normal and woke me.

I was grumpy because he woke me, cos he always wakes me.

I am grumpy if he wakes me, but he gets mad because I'm grumpy but I'm only grumpy because he woke me.

I'm a cm and I mostly work from home and see everyone from end school and all day Saturday.

I'm on here cos babies are asleep!

I think that when you get in on a Saturday you have to wake him if he is asleep.
Show him the clock and tell him that it will take you 1/2 hour to get to sleep and you NEED 10 hours sleep.
Get him to work out what time that means you should be up and get him to agree to wake you at that time.
So if you get to bed at 1am - then you will be asleep by 1:30 and with 10 hours sleep it means he leaves you in bed until 11:30am.
Is that a workable solution?
Or leave a note on the bedside table explaining that on a Saturday and make sure he understands that that is the first thing he does on a Sunday morning, i.e. reads your note about wake up time.
And if he ignores you and wakes you up earlier then you will NOT be going out with them to the out-laws that day!
Men need a system to follow so as long as the instructions are good then he should adhere to them.
If he doesn't then you'll be p!ssed off and grumpy and won't be spending time with him.
But.... if he has not respect for you at all then there's feck-all you can do about this other than LTB until the message sinks in.
Good luck though and I hope you get some results that will help you sleep better very soon!