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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want family to help us with dd?

54 replies

Cantsleep · 23/11/2013 22:11

Dd2 needs injections min four times a day (diabetes)

It is nearly a year since she was diagnosed and only dh and I can do her injections. This makes it difficult as one of us always has to be with her. We are exhausted and would dearly love some time as a couple occasionally.

I have asked dsis and DM would they learn to do her jabs but they have refused. DM recently attended a meeting with diabetes team with me a month ago and said " I will be learning so that dd and her dh have somebody else who can do it" but ebverytime I've offered to show her she doesn't want to know.

We have other dcs who are ill and we just desperately need a break. Sil offered I aug to learn but each time I've invited her round since then she's too busy.

We are at breaking point, we need a break. I wish somebody in one of our families would help us.

AIBU to want this?

OP posts:

WooWooOwl · 23/11/2013 22:14

YANBU to want it, but YWBU if you tried to pressure someone into doing it if they aren't comfortable with it.

Sirzy · 23/11/2013 22:15

are they scared of the level of responsibility which comes with it? I may be way of but it seems that they like the idea of helping but perhaps find the reality a bit daunting?

Original poster

Cantsleep · 23/11/2013 22:17

No pressure on anyone, DM offered lots of times (in front of others) but never actually then does it.

We have problems when other dcs are ill sometimes as cant leave dd2 with anybody else ever for long. We really desperately need a rest too but nobody else is able to have dd. I feel quite trapped in that we have nobody else at all who can help us with dd as only we can do the injections.

OP posts:

hoobypickypicky · 23/11/2013 22:17

You poor things. I'm normally the first to say "Your child, your responsibility" but this is not a normal situation. Have you asked your family why they're not as helpful as they might be?

My guess is that they're petrified of such a big responsibility. I would be. Can you talk it through with them, identify any fears, help them receive further training and/or reassurance and take it from there?

Shellywelly1973 · 23/11/2013 22:18

That sounds incredibly difficult.

Have you considered contacting the Disabled Childrens Team, to see if you coukd get some respite?

Original poster

Cantsleep · 23/11/2013 22:19

DM offers then says she's too busy.

Dsis said she has a needle phobia (I know this is not true)

Sil offered but then has been 'too busy'

Just sometimes it would be nice to do something, I love dcs so much but we are with them 24/7 and I can feel things drifting between us.

OP posts:

Rosesarebeautiful · 23/11/2013 22:20

Of course you're not unreasonable, but that doesn't mean to say they're going to help. Our extended family is completely useless at supporting us in our kids' chronic illness.

Maybe you need to look elsewhere for help - any really good friends? Any local organisations?

Original poster

Cantsleep · 23/11/2013 22:22

I just wish, if that was the case that s would have said at the meeting as the nurse would have helped her, DM said I could teach her(DM is alsoa first aider) but then each time I've offered she doesn't want to.

It's not like it would be often just occasionally if other dc was ill so me and dh could go to hospital together with them or the occasional break or even because dh works just over an hour away and if I were to be ill I'd feel better if at least one other person could doit.

OP posts:

thenightsky · 23/11/2013 22:22

oh your poor things >

How old is your DD? Perhaps she'll be able to do them herself soon?

I'd be tempted to put sister and DM on the spot and say something along the lines of... right, sit there, do this, do that... what? you don't want to? but you said how much you wanted to help and be supportive etc!

JohnSnowsTie · 23/11/2013 22:22

It is a massive responsibility - but empty offers are unfair to you and raise your hopes.

Sirzy · 23/11/2013 22:23

Would you be able to arrange for a nurse to provide them with some training? That may make them feel a bit more confident about doing it?

DragonMamma · 23/11/2013 22:23

YANBU to want it but you can't force people in to helping if they simply don't want to.

Have you looked in to an insulin pump for your DD?

candycoatedwaterdrops · 23/11/2013 22:25

You've been posting about your situation for a long time now and don't seem to be getting anywhere. Have you considered any formal support?

Original poster

Cantsleep · 23/11/2013 22:25

I think DM was just put on the spot by the diabetes nurse who seemed surprised we have no other support (I've been v depressed lately and can't get much of a break ever)

Dd was 4 last week so not able to do them herself yet.

OP posts:

LaurieFairyCake · 23/11/2013 22:26

Contact SS and ask for respite care?

Original poster

Cantsleep · 23/11/2013 22:27

We have had a caf assessment (where dm said again she was going to learn) so waiting for results from that to see what help we can get.

I just long to be able to drop dcs off for a few hours and know they were all ok.sometimes if I've been ill or one of other dcs has an appt and DM has had dd2 it's then been a race to get back and stressful as DM and dsis cannot do her injections and its so stressful.

OP posts:

DragonMamma · 23/11/2013 22:28

If she is 4 then she's potentially a great candidate for a pump, I would definitely ask the question. They can be completely life changing.

Original poster

Cantsleep · 23/11/2013 22:29

I think things have just come to a head as dh and I are both exhausted and have a horrid virus at the moment and could really do with a break yet we have to almost do 'shifts' as its only the two of us that can do the injections.

OP posts:

Morloth · 23/11/2013 22:30

YANBU to want it.

But this is not a new situation. They have never helped you when you needed it and have indeed had you looking after them.

They will nit help you.

It doesn't matter if they should, they are not going to.

You have to let it go for your own sake.

looseleaf · 23/11/2013 22:30

This is so hard on you, and sad they don't realise enough how much you need support. Have you told them? Have you said you never get any break and need a bit of time as a couple to strengthen each other or something just to explain it clearly? I feel for you so much as manage full time with two non-diabetic children and even that can run you down. So I really hope you can work something better whether family or formal support that your dd feels safe with too

Original poster

Cantsleep · 23/11/2013 22:31

We keep thinking about a pump but then worry we won't have the time to learn/do it properly due to other dcs and dh work commitments. Are they easy to use? We carb countvalready but I think its the technology I'm worried about and if dd will tolerate the cannula.

OP posts:

Sirzy · 23/11/2013 22:31

Do you have any friends who might help?

Original poster

Cantsleep · 23/11/2013 22:34

It's hard to explain but from past problems with DM and dsis I get the feeling that their refusal to help is a way of restricting dh and I as we could only ever have a break for a limited time between dds injections therefore giving them control over me.

Even when recently my dad came to visit and dh and I went for lunch with him and took dd2 with us, DM and dsis looked after other dcs and after exactly an hour and a half we had phone calls telling us to return immediately as the baby was inconsolable etc. got there and all dcs were fine. I think DM says the right thing in front of others but doesn't mean it.

OP posts:

Flappingandflying · 23/11/2013 22:34

Poor you. My son has always done his own injections since he was diagnosed aged 8 but even so its been hard to escape it all. It just takes over doesn't it, constantly thinking about carbs, food, levels, testing, hypos, hypers. Whenever we did leave him with my mother his levels were all over the place and she nags at him so we gave up going away too. It's really hard to inject someone. Is there any way that you could do tea time for child at 6.00 pm obviously with injection then granny babysit and you go out for an evening. If granny could just do the evening blood test, milk and biscuits thing then st least you could have an evening.

Really really hard for you. It will, honestly, get better. Sometimes they put littles on a pump then at least that wouldn't mean injections. We are in the throes of diabetes and puberty now. Joy...

Original poster

Cantsleep · 23/11/2013 22:35

Even on our wedding anniversary we were told we could go for a coffee but only for an hour and were given a shopping list as well and DM text blood sugars to me every ten mins which was a constant worry and I ended up in tears.

OP posts:

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