Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To want family to help us with dd?

54 replies

Cantsleep · 23/11/2013 22:11

Dd2 needs injections min four times a day (diabetes)

It is nearly a year since she was diagnosed and only dh and I can do her injections. This makes it difficult as one of us always has to be with her. We are exhausted and would dearly love some time as a couple occasionally.

I have asked dsis and DM would they learn to do her jabs but they have refused. DM recently attended a meeting with diabetes team with me a month ago and said " I will be learning so that dd and her dh have somebody else who can do it" but ebverytime I've offered to show her she doesn't want to know.

We have other dcs who are ill and we just desperately need a break. Sil offered I aug to learn but each time I've invited her round since then she's too busy.

We are at breaking point, we need a break. I wish somebody in one of our families would help us.

AIBU to want this?

OP posts:

Original poster

Cantsleep · 23/11/2013 22:38

Dh as her bedtime injection at 8 pm so we couldn't really leave her in the evening.

I just desperately want some time with dh. Probably selfish of me but I dont ever even get to speak to him much. We are so busy and its a massive strain on our relationship.

OP posts:

Dilidali · 23/11/2013 22:38

Call your GP and ask for help! All you need is a nurse to come and administer insuline from time to time. I know district nurses do it, but not sure for paediatrics, it is worth to ask.

candycoatedwaterdrops · 23/11/2013 22:39

You really need to let go of this hope that they are going to help you. They aren't going to change. Raking over this is only hurting you.

Original poster

Cantsleep · 23/11/2013 22:39

Should have added, DM hadn't done the blood sugars herself, she had got dd1 ( then 11) to do them.

OP posts:

FunnyRunner · 23/11/2013 22:40

YANBU at all. I think it's horrible that they won't help you out :( Don't know anything about this but you seem to be getting good suggestions upthread about the pump and contacting SS for help / respite (not sure how likely the latter is with budget cuts).

Just sending you because you are a bloody hero x

DragonMamma · 23/11/2013 22:40

The pumps are very easy to use and the cannula isn't the ones like they put in your hand in hospital, it much much thinner and unnoticeable.

If a pump isn't an option then what about a DAFNE course and long acting insulin. She would only need twice daily injections and thus would take away the need for anybody else to do it?

It seems if the injections are the barrier then it makes sense to try and take these away.

Original poster

Cantsleep · 23/11/2013 22:40

Would a nurse do that ? I didn't think they would come out just to do a jab, I might ask them.

OP posts:

Original poster

Cantsleep · 23/11/2013 22:43

There just seems to be a reluctance from anybody to help us, it was a bit like it before dd had diabetes as other dcs have health issues and mil would always be " too nervous" to babysit in case they dislocated something/fainted etc.

Sil works in a school though with a diabetic boy a couple of years older than dd who is on mdi so that really hurts that she was full of empty promises to help.

OP posts:

Flappingandflying · 23/11/2013 22:44

I think if you carb count then tat's the hard bit sorted. Took me a while to get my head round carb counting. One good thing - you child becomes naturally good at maths!

If its any consolation, neither of my sisters has ever, in eighteen years, looked after either of my kids on their own. Not even for an hour and ertainy not to stay. My parents did until the kids got old enough to be bored and it was too much for them. Like you, I ached to go away especially as I've got an autistic and a diabetic but no, no chance. I escape for weekends to spa by myself. Utter bliss. Suggest you do the same and your husband goes on an activity for him. At least you get respite if not together. It's not ideal but i think it's almost easier if you assume there is never going to be help as the irritation of the help being so near but so far is eating you.

MistyB · 23/11/2013 22:45

Your Mum is not being very kind and I am sorry for you. Take a step away so that you can avoid being hurt by her failure, for whatever reason, to be able to put her promises of help into action.

Look into respite care or finding a child carer who can come on a regular basis to look after your children and be trained to do the injections. Take some small amounts of time out to recharge your batteries and put this control back in your hands.

candycoatedwaterdrops · 23/11/2013 22:46

Seriously, you need to let go of your misguided hope they will step up. Push it out of your mind and focus on accessing support another way.

Original poster

Cantsleep · 23/11/2013 22:48

Dh keeps suggesting doing things separately, he wants to go fishing for a few hours or to watch football and keeps telling me to go for coffee/get a haircut but what I really want is to go for coffee with him or for a meal. Lately it seems like we barely see each other and when we do it is so hectic with all the dcs that there's no time for us anymore and I can't see how we can carry on like this.

OP posts:

wannabedomesticgoddess · 23/11/2013 22:49

But even if you did get the injections sorted, your mum still isn't going to have them is she?

She has text you every 10 minutes, gave you a shopping list, and told you to come home early for no reason.

This has nothing to do with injections and everything to do with the mind games your mum is playing.

I am so sorry. It sounds like a complete nightmare, and I think you are amazing for keeping going.

DragonMamma · 23/11/2013 22:49

The siting of the cannula? It's usually done by the user or in your case, you or your DH. I'm not diabetic but pretty much my entire maternal side is type 1 and one of my relatives is a diabetic specialist for the NHS and it needn't be as life limiting as it is for you and your family, there are plenty of better options for young children that would provide a better life balance and better control to their levels.

isitreallynearlychristmas · 23/11/2013 22:50

There is a facebook site 't1 babysitters uk', I haven't used it and don't know anyone that has but it might be worth joining to see if anyone is nearby. My son is 12 and has a pump, luckily not diagnosed till 9 so when we had a babysitter he could self-inject. Ask your DSN if there are local groups where you could maybe offer babysitting to each other.

Morloth · 23/11/2013 22:50

You need to structure your life as if they do not exist.

Morloth · 23/11/2013 22:52

That is pretty normal for most couples with kids.

DH and I haven't been out together alone since January.

We spend time together at home, we go out separately and we have friends over or we go out with all the kids.

Original poster

Cantsleep · 23/11/2013 22:52

I know, you are right candycoated. Time and time again they dangle the carrot of help and support in front of me and its all just a game.

I think I will just get dh to book a morning off work, dd2 goes to pre school 945-1215 and they just do blood sugar checks but still, she's being looked after. Older 2 dcs will be at school and ds2 has a nap so we could go for breakfast/coffee I think and bypass the need for help.

Long term I'm not sure what else we can do other than wait till dd can do her jabs as even if she had a pump DM would then not want to use that either! Any excuse it would be.

OP posts:

Original poster

Cantsleep · 23/11/2013 22:55

It's so long since dh and I have been out. The last meal we had together out was with dd2 and my dad there in the summer. Before that it was in 2000 before I had dcs!

It's quite funny as dsis wants dcs and keeps telling me that she will need me to babysit all the time as she gets tired and they will need so much help etc etc etc. I think when the time comes i will be very busy indeed......

OP posts:

DontCallMeDaughter · 23/11/2013 22:56

This sounds like a shit situation and I'm sorry you've been repeatedly let down. I think it's time to stop seeing your family as a potential source of support, it will be easier for you emotionally if you stop hoping and then having your hopes dashed. Write them off and then look at other options you have. Can you advertise for a babysitter with nursing experience?!

I also think you should take your dh up on his suggestion of some down time alone. It's not an ideal solution because you won't be together but it's a start and having some breathing room will help you gather your thoughts. You might find a couple of small steps forward will make a lot of difference and you can tackle the bigger issue of time off together in the future.

Good luck, I hope the cafcass assessment reaps some rewards. And stop letting your mum attend these things, she could affect the outcome if they think you have support that doesn't actually exist.

Flappingandflying · 23/11/2013 22:58

To be honest me and Mr Flying rarely go out on our own for something nice as although the kids are teenagers and are legally able to be left, they either want to come too or we know the younger one will just be on the xbox all the time we are out. We do go now but really haven't for many years and I think that's parr for the course for most with kids. I think if your hubby wants to fish, then let him and you do a hobby on your own. At least you might be able to put diabetes and sprogs out of your mind for an hour or two and start to feel a bit more like you.

Original poster

Cantsleep · 23/11/2013 22:59

Didn't have much choice about DM being there, the caf assessment team said they wanted to meet with the dsn, pre school, dh and DM and dsis as they leave nearby and see the dcs. They also wanted to speak with dd1 and ds1 alone.

OP posts:

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 23/11/2013 23:02

Cantsleep could your DD1 do the injections (if she's 11yo or thereabout)

I don't know much about the pumps - I work with diabetes patients and TBH I can only think or a couple that have a pump (though the majority of the people I see are 50+ but some younger) They tend to use the insulin pens or syringes.

I did ask at a training evening about why the pumps were not more widely used. Apparently it's the size of them. They are about the size of a packet of cigarrettes so that has to be considered.

Original poster

Cantsleep · 23/11/2013 23:07

Dd1 often does bg checks on dd2 but dd2 cries and says "children and teenagers can't do it to me" but dd1 is actually very good and has said she wants to learn.

My only concern is that dd1 has health problems and sometimes faints so not sure if it would be 100 percent a good idea for her to have that responsibility just in case.

OP posts:

Shenanagins · 23/11/2013 23:14

Is it possible to call your dm out the next time she makes an empty promise in front of people by asking why she has never learned to do the injections despite repeated offers to be shown?

Flip

1 2 3