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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be unsure about childrens party etiquette after the event

73 replies

catgirl1976 · 23/11/2013 20:07

DH thinks I was U

DS was 2 today and we had a party for him at my parents. Bouncy castle, music, food, bubble machine, pinata etc

Was lovely

Some people brought presents which was really kind of them. I thanked them for doing so but didn't open the presents at the party.

My reasoning was

a) There was so much going on there wasn't really time
b) It seems graspy to me to start tearing off wrapping paper and seeing what people have given
c) DS is very young and might not have shown interest in the presents or wandered off
d) The other children present were also very young and might have been bored or upset that the presents were not for them

We opened them at home after the party and I will be sending thank you cards to everyone

DH thinks it was rude not to have opened the presents there and then so people could have seen DS's reaction

Is he right?

I have also been fretting that I didn't serve alchohol (to the adults obviously). I did feed them and provide endless hot drinks and soft drinks but I didn't think a 2 years olds party was a drinking sort of thing and I had already spent as much as I could afford. No one brought alchohol so I am guessing they didn't expect it, but it has been niggling me I have been a bad host not to offer wine or beer...........

OP posts:

Ifcatshadthumbs · 23/11/2013 20:09

Personally we always do presents after the party and so do most people I know.

Sirzy · 23/11/2013 20:09

I think the way you did it makes a lot of sense. I always stick the card onto the present for just that reason so that when the parents get round to opening it they will know who it is from (not that even that matters really)

You thanked people when they gave presents and you plan to thank them again. Nothing rude about that

CaptainSweatPants · 23/11/2013 20:10

Nope never open presents at the party

No need for alcohol at a children's party

Stop over analysing!! You sound just like me

shoppingbagsundereyes · 23/11/2013 20:10

I agree, always best to open bday presents later and send thank yous. I don't think alcohol is needed at a kids party either.

Original poster

catgirl1976 · 23/11/2013 20:11

Phew!

I have only been to 1 child's party recently so I was worried I had done things "wrong". It seemed to make sense to me and I have made a list of who gave DS what so I can make sure I thank them properly in the card

Thank you!

OP posts:

BohemianGirl · 23/11/2013 20:11

Presents after party unless its a tea party with GPS and close family only.

WhoNickedMyName · 23/11/2013 20:11

We've never opened presents at the party, and I've never served alcohol. I think what you did was fine.

Original poster

catgirl1976 · 23/11/2013 20:11

I am totally over thinking this aren't I?

I will stop now

OP posts:

Josie314 · 23/11/2013 20:12

I think you did everything right.

emsyj · 23/11/2013 20:12

I have never been to a kids party where they have opened presents at the party. It doesn't happen around these parts!

brettgirl2 · 23/11/2013 20:12

I've never been to a children's party where the presents have been opened and in the vast majority of cases there is no alcohol. It sounds like it went well relax! YA positively saintly for having a 2nd birthday party in fact, I only do them once they start asking

BeerTricksP0tter · 23/11/2013 20:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bridgetsmum · 23/11/2013 20:13

I think when the birthday child is that young opening the presents after the party makes more sense. So I wouldn't worry about it.

We would always have a few beers and a bottle of wine for anybody who wants a drink, but wouldn't make a big deal of it either.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 23/11/2013 20:15

In North America presents always get opened at the party. It was weird for me when the DC's started going to birthday parties here and the presents were just taken and tossed in a big pile!

I always get them to at least hand the present directly to the birthday girl/boy - feels a bit less mercenary somehow.

oinker · 23/11/2013 20:15

I am in agreement with everything you've done. I've had 6 parties and have done exactly the same.

I learnt the hard way -

I provided parents with alcohol and the party ended at 5. They were still guzzling away at 9pm! My kids were in bed! DH joined in with them. I was not amused. Their kids were indoors watching movies whilst their parents got sloshed.

That was the only time it happened.

Re : presents - I stagger the opening. Too many in one go and kids lose interest. A few each day spread over several days is what we do.

Do not fret. I'm sure mist people would agree with u.

Original poster

catgirl1976 · 23/11/2013 20:17

I feel a lot better now!

It's amazing the whole new world of worries having a child opens up :)

I even managed to have a bit of a fret about the quality of the party bags

I think I need a now and relax for another year

OP posts:

nextphase · 23/11/2013 20:18

Never seen presents opened at a party, except when the "party" was a month early, for my father, and the kids had gone to the aquarium to buy fish for his fish tank as a present - it then followed by cake and candles... My father is the biggest child I know where birthdays are concerned.

elspethmcgillicuddy · 23/11/2013 20:21

What everyone else said. Sounds like it was a lovely party. Well Done!

claraschu · 23/11/2013 20:22

I think it's sad when presents aren't opened with the person who gave them. Not at age 2 of course, but a little later. My daughter loves getting presents for her friends, and spends ages thinking what to get, wrapping them, and making cards. She love to get a genuine, excited thank you from a friend, when she is really excited about giving them something special. A stilted dutiful thank you note 2 weeks later is no substitute for the pleasure you get watching a friend open something you know she will love.

3bunnies · 23/11/2013 20:23

We do offer alcohol but it is usually refused as many people drive so I doubt it will have been missed and many parties people don't offer drinks. If people are really thirsty they will drink the squash.

For presents I would not let them open them in front of party guests until the party was small enough to be able to keep track of them and the child would absolutely promise to express gratitude for the present even if they didn't like it, already had one etc. Plus only did it for one where dd1 only invited 3 friends, so not spending all afternoon opening them. At 2 with a number of guests there is no chance that they would open them at the party.

SummerRain · 23/11/2013 20:23

I made the mistake at the first ever party I threw of letting dd open presents as they arrived. I ended up with a group of 5 year olds sitting on my kitchen floor pulling them all out of the packaging and playing with them. Bits got lost after 5 minutes and I had no clue who gave what.

After that I always put them to one side and told them to wait!

Where I grew up part of the party was everyone sitting around while the birthday child opened all the presents in front of all the guests. Terrible as there was such a contrast between gifts and it was mortifying for the kids whose parents had sent smaller gifts or things that were a bit shit (usually me!)

SummerRain · 23/11/2013 20:25

Oh, and we do a meal for parents round here which is served after the kids grub and tea throughout but very few serve alcohol

Floggingmolly · 23/11/2013 20:28

You were right on both counts. Stop worrying!

Tobagostreet · 23/11/2013 20:28

No need for alcohol for the adults at a kids party. So you were spot in there.

With regards to the gifts you 100% did the right thing. For all the reasons you explained plus:

You unwrap and in all the fuss, you FORGET which present is from which guest. You find yourself in an awful situation where you don't know who to thank for what.

Guests start to compare their gifts and worry that they didn't spend enough compared to others (a frequent thread on MN) or smug relatives who have gone OTT get the opportunity to gloat about their gift being the best/most expensive.

Stop beating yourself up. You are right. Your DH is wrong. Sounds like you hosted a great party!

Happy Birthday to your LO!

GobbolinoCat · 23/11/2013 20:29

No we def do not open presents here, sometimes people have not much £ to spend and give little gifts I wouldn't want ot embarras them on a grand opening!!! inlarger parties there may be duplicate gifts and also the child may not be that appreciate! Much beter all round to do it in private.

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