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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be unsure about childrens party etiquette after the event

73 replies

catgirl1976 · 23/11/2013 20:07

DH thinks I was U

DS was 2 today and we had a party for him at my parents. Bouncy castle, music, food, bubble machine, pinata etc

Was lovely

Some people brought presents which was really kind of them. I thanked them for doing so but didn't open the presents at the party.

My reasoning was

a) There was so much going on there wasn't really time
b) It seems graspy to me to start tearing off wrapping paper and seeing what people have given
c) DS is very young and might not have shown interest in the presents or wandered off
d) The other children present were also very young and might have been bored or upset that the presents were not for them

We opened them at home after the party and I will be sending thank you cards to everyone

DH thinks it was rude not to have opened the presents there and then so people could have seen DS's reaction

Is he right?

I have also been fretting that I didn't serve alchohol (to the adults obviously). I did feed them and provide endless hot drinks and soft drinks but I didn't think a 2 years olds party was a drinking sort of thing and I had already spent as much as I could afford. No one brought alchohol so I am guessing they didn't expect it, but it has been niggling me I have been a bad host not to offer wine or beer...........

OP posts:

givemeaclue · 23/11/2013 20:30

Never seen presents opened at the party. No need for alcohol.

silverten · 23/11/2013 20:32

One more vote in the You camp.

Spot on IMO.

drbonnieblossman · 23/11/2013 20:32

Agree re presents not being opened. Personally, i always offer a glass of wine if the party is at home. Most parents in my experience, go for a small glass or if not, tea/coffee. It's whatever suits you to do.

hermioneweasley · 23/11/2013 20:33

I'm sure I read this was a class thing - middle classes don't open in front f guests and working classes do.

For me, it's a practicality issue - having young children ripping through a pile of presents is overwhelming for them and boring for the other kids at the party.

iHateMrTumble · 23/11/2013 20:33

I dont like that either to open them there and then.
Cringy when 2 people bring the same prezzie and you have to explain how that's handy actually to have a spare shape sorter exactly the same as the other one

And it's a bore seeing what others have got at any age, the exact reason I hate baby showers.

MacaYoniandCheese · 23/11/2013 20:35

Opening presents at a party for two-year olds would probably not go smoothly . Open them later when you can take notes at your leisure (for issuing thankyous). Alcohol not necessary.

FunnyRunner · 23/11/2013 20:35

Catgirl was it you who had the mad MIL yapping about getting to the party? Or am I mixing it up?

Glad party went well - and I would have done the same as you - but I know DH's side get offended if pressies aren't opened at the party.

MistyB · 23/11/2013 20:42

Presents are definetly best kept until later. Kids don't always fake enthusisiam for presents they are not to keen on or are duplicates, which happens often, the toy on offer at Sainsbury's for £X may turn up more than once.

Attempting to convince DD at three and a half that the doll lovingly chosen by her cousin was pretty left me rather red faced when she said, 'Not to me, she is not.'

Original poster

catgirl1976 · 23/11/2013 20:46

Funny It was me with the mad MIL!

Thank you for the votes of confidence

I am going to chill out about it now.

I didn't even think about someone who had given a smaller gift or no gift feeling embarrassed but that has now made me totally sure I did the right thing.

I still feel a little bit mean about the wine / beer but his party has fallen at a difficult time financially and I just couldn't spend any more.

I think everyone enjoyed it and DS had a great time which is lovely

OP posts:

3bunnies · 23/11/2013 20:53

Oh missed the end of that thread - I'm guessing that she wasn't able to rearrange her travel plans - it's not as if we're in a place as easy to travel around as Africa. I imagine that if she had come you would have had a lot more to post about than lack of alcohol and present opening!!!

Original poster

catgirl1976 · 23/11/2013 20:54

3bunnies Yes, sadly MIL was unable to attend.

It she had I would have had a thread about 34 pages long, and a bottle of vodka at the party to get through it

Present opening etiquette would have been the least of my worries.

OP posts:

3bunnies · 23/11/2013 21:01

Such a shame, maybe you should have the party somewhere more convenient next year for her to get too, I hear the Amazon is nice this time of year or maybe somewhere in Tibet maybe.

Original poster

catgirl1976 · 23/11/2013 21:23

OP posts:

PrammyMammy · 23/11/2013 21:25

I opened presents after our dds baptism, at a little celebration at our house. The god parents were sooo excited about their gifts, asking us to open them now, so we opened them and the other few gifts (from my parents/ IL's/my gran & and dh's aunt). Thanked everyone, put the certificate in the holder we were gifted, read the lovely messages at the start of the bible she was gifted from god parents, took some photographs etc.
Weeks later my mil asked me to meet for coffee (never happened before/hasn't happened since). One purpose of the meeting was to say how rude it was to open the gifts and it had been noted by herself and dh's aunt.

I don't know if there is an actual correct way of doing it. Always someone to correct something it seems.

Original poster

catgirl1976 · 23/11/2013 21:35

Prammy - I think your MIL would get on well with mine

OP posts:

Amy106 · 23/11/2013 21:39

Sounds like a lovely party and you got things just right.

neolara · 23/11/2013 21:42

Open in front of your guests and your 3 year old will yell loudly "We already have that" or "That's rubbish! I hate it". Cue much embarrassment for parent of party child as well as parent of gift giver. Much, much safer to open afterwards.

Mumsyblouse · 23/11/2013 21:43

Don't be stressed about it it is quite normal not to open them at the party.

However mine always do open at their parties- I think it's very rude to get out a bin bag and just chuck your thoughtful gift inside. Often my kids have made a card and chosen a nice book/something appropriate, and so it's nice for the person to say a personal thank you for that.

I also like mine to properly and vocally thank the person for the present, so I don't bother with thank you cards later. It takes about 10 min of a 2 hour party to open the gifts and cards as the guests arrive and the other guests also like looking at them/looking at cards, it's quite exciting.

I wonder if that's better for older ones though. And once you move to smaller event parties (e.g. 5 friends going to swimming party) it's very rude not to open them at the party.

fanoftheinvisibleman · 23/11/2013 21:43

Presents never get opened at parties.

I have never served alcohol at a childs party. And if I'm honest (having grown up around an alcholic) I would be a Miss prissy pants about it. I don't think there is any need for it at a kids party.

Mumsyblouse · 23/11/2013 21:46

Claraschu that's how I feel about it, once they get to the age the children are choosing the present (even if it is out of my present store!) then I think it's a bit rude to put it to one side on arrival.

NoComet · 23/11/2013 21:47

Never open presents at a party, you never keep track of who to thank for what. Also massively unfair on the DCs who can afford a fancy gift to open things with the whole class watching.

I never do booze for adults, they'll all be driving.
DDs summer birthday friend does, but she always has her party in her garden in the centre of the village not some distant swimming pool.

Rhubarbgarden · 23/11/2013 21:54

Summerrain I vividly remember going to a party with my cousin when we were about nine. My cousin's family were quite poor and her mother (my aunt) mad as a box of frogs rather eccentric. The presents were opened as everyone sat around in a circle, and when my cousin's present was opened, the birthday girl and her inner circle snickered at it and at my cousin. The bitchy looks and whispering lasted the whole party.

I felt so sorry for her and I've never forgotten it, and as a result my own children's parties will never feature presents being opened.

Op you did the right thing.

Idreamofsunshine · 23/11/2013 21:56

I think you were right on both counts so yanbu

Marylou2 · 23/11/2013 22:00

Your party sounds perfect! Present opening always done after in our house. Otherwise comprehensive thankyou list can't be properly compiled.

EverybodysStressyEyed · 23/11/2013 22:01

I have been to one party where the presents were opened.
It was embarrassing due to the difference in value (£2-£80) and a few duplicates. It ended awkwardly because the birthday girl got fed uo and wanted to play with her party guests.

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