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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fed up that, as a 40-something professional, I can't afford my own home

97 replies

GinAndIt · 23/11/2013 18:34

Just having a bit of a moan really. Before I start, I know that compared to probably 80% of the rest of the world, I'm very well off. I know this is, in fact, probably the definition of a first-world problem.

But ffs. I'm fed up. I pay almost 40% of my salary for a damp two bed flat which isn't even mine. Ds and I could get chucked out at any time. I can't change anything I don't like, I can't replace anything that doesn't work properly. My boiler is on the blink and I'm worried about telling the landlord in case he then decides that my rent is suddenly too cheap.

I actually pay below the (insane) market rate for my rental. I'm stuck, because I couldn't afford to move as prices have spiralled way beyond my reach. And as for buying? Never, ever, ever.

I am 40 years old and work full time in a frontline NHS profession. I earn a salary above the national average, though not by much. All I want is a bit of garden, and a kitchen I could fit a little table in. I'd like to be able to put pictures up without worrying whether I'll mark the walls. I just want somewhere that feels like it's mine. So why do I feel as if IABU?

OP posts:
greenbananas · 23/11/2013 20:54

Yanbu.
It is crap.

mizu · 23/11/2013 21:05

Gin you could be me - but we have 2 salaries coming in and still no chance.
I am 40 and teach and run a language dept. DH a lorry driver. Neither of us earn much about £42000 between us.
We are in rented and the good thing is we have been here 6 years and pay less rent than most in this area (mostly cos of the state of the house, we have just had central heating put in though which has made a difference)
The bad thing is working out how much money we have given the landlord in the last 6 years Shock
We save money every month but it will take us years to get a decent deposit together and I will probably be too old to even get a mortgage.
It is depressing and I too know that we are very lucky to have a roof over our heads and jobs etc but I worry about the future and where we will live.

Original poster
GinAndIt · 23/11/2013 21:26

wishful' I'd love to live in Northumberland Grin

My parents do own a large house, mortgage free. I've actually had the 'granny flat' conversation with them, but they're not keen. Not much I can about that I guess, it's their home, their space and their money...

The thing is, I think it's ok if we become a nation of renters. Plenty of other countries manage it quite happily. Owning is not, in the big scheme of life, the be all and end all. But the UK isn't set up that way, is it? I can't see better conditions for tenants happening in the short term. We are so wedded to home ownership. Better legal protection for tenants would be like admitting defeat!

OP posts:
Beastofburden · 23/11/2013 21:49

Actually I could really fancy Northumberland too...

Heartbrokenmum73 · 23/11/2013 22:08

I feel the same Gin. I turned 40 last week. My relationship ended earlier this year and me and the three dc moved to the South West to be near my family (so I can actually go back to work). Me and ex actually have a house together that we bought 13 years ago that we're going to rent out. So far, so great - I'm actually on the property ladder.

But the mortgage has been arrears for ages now (due to ex's nature of work) so he can't buy me out or even have my name taken off the deeds in order for me to move on. Not until the mortgage has been up to date for six months at least. Even then, unless I land some big money job (unlikely), nowhere is going to give me a mortgage on my own.

I'm privately renting and I hate not being able to do anything and having to ask permission for everything. The place is a dump and costing £175 more than my previous mortgage! The LL lives in a different county and bought this place specifically as a buy-to-let. He's done no work on it and rented it out in a state. But I had to ask if I was allowed to hang curtains! It sucks.

Laquitar · 23/11/2013 22:09

If you have a good loving family and good relationship wirh them then i think it will be madnes to move in the north for a cheaper house.
Even if childcare is cheaper there it will still be mw so 6.19ph. If you do shifts it will be tricky. And if you are ill on weekend it will be shit. And you will spend money ontravel to visit your parents. And no social life unless you pay a babysitter.
Right now you have free childcare and peace of mind, this is priceless imo.

If your parents have a spare room then i would move there and save hard and keep an eye in schemes.

YANBU it is sad. And rents seem to go up and up in londin. My dns were looking for a studio to let and they were near 1k pcm for a shithole.

Felix90 · 23/11/2013 22:14

I feel for you. Especially the fact it's not a big flashy house you want. Just a small comfortable place that is your own. I absolutely hate renting, it's so rubbish.

I'm very lucky that we live up north and house prices are stupidly cheap compared to your area. We are considering moving even further north to Co Durham (where OH is from) as you get so much house for your money.

Morloth · 23/11/2013 22:20

Any of your family or very good friends in the same position?

A couple of friends of mine have just bought a house together, both single mums with 2 kids.

They have bough a 3 bedroom place by pooling their resources. It had a separated dining room which is now a bedroom.

Seemed clever to me.

tudorqueen · 23/11/2013 22:21

I'm in another part of the South and it's getting almost as expensive here as it was when I lived in London. There was no way I could afford to stay in London after my first marriage broke up - I had a well paid job, but needed the 2 incomes just to survive.

It is madness that there's this intense pressure to buy in this country (I'm from Paris - no one can afford to buy there!) but the rental industry is so bad.

expatinscotland · 23/11/2013 23:34

'If your parents have a spare room then i would move there and save hard and keep an eye in schemes.'

Her parents don't want them living there.

Awks · 23/11/2013 23:39

Can you continue as you are but buy to let a property in a cheap place. My colleague does that - works in an expensive area and rents but has a house in the NE she bought cheaply and rents out. It just makes her feel she's on the ladder iyswim

Laquitar · 23/11/2013 23:43

' Her parents dont want them there'.

Oh so sorry. I missed that.

MaryZygon · 23/11/2013 23:44

Yes I agree with the "nation of renters" analogy.

In some countries, renting is normal. But the problem is that in the UK and Ireland, it isn't the norm - rental is the second choice, the "not quite good enough" way to do it.

Unless that changes, I would like my children to be able to own their own homes. Sadly I can't see that happening.

Tractorandtree · 24/11/2013 00:01

I would look again at shared ownership schemes, they tend to be in new builds so you wouldn't have the damp issues you mention and you would have much greater security. A single friend of mine with a similar sounding salary to yours bought a 25% share (about £65k) of a 2bed flat in London recently. Ok it's not much but it's a start and the mortgage plus rent worked out at about the same as she had been paying to rent a 1bed.

Financeprincess · 24/11/2013 00:19

I think it can be quite difficult to sell some shared ownership places, so I'd advise caution.

100% mortgages aren't common for several very good reasons. Where the property market is thought to be overvalued, it only takes a small correction to put buyers into negative equity and lenders don't like that. Also, rightly or wrongly, lenders believe that if somebody can't save a deposit of only 5% they probably aren't going to be the type who can be trusted to pay a mortgage consistently. Northern Rock departed from this with their barmy 125% mortgages, and look what happened to them!

I do sympathise with you though, OP.

Southeastdweller · 24/11/2013 12:27

I'm in the same boat. A little younger than you but can't see me getting a mortgage with prices here in London and South east generally being so high. I understand exactly the feelings of insecurity - no big deal when you're young but wearying as you get older. I currently pay 'just' a third of my salary on rent. I often think I would trade in that to pay at least 70% of my salary on paying a mortgage, crippling financially in the short-term but at least it's a kind of financial long-term security.

Have you looked at the Help to Buy scheme?

Unfortunate your parents don't want you and their grandson living with you but perhaps it's worth having another talk and really lay it on the line about the situation. I'm not suggesting emotional blackmail but don't know exactly what you've said to them and a bit puzzled as to why they're reluctant to allow you both to live with them.

Please bite the bullet and report the boiler to your landlord as it could conk out completely soon.

azzbiscuit · 24/11/2013 13:22

Can you continue as you are but buy to let a property in a cheap place. My colleague does that - works in an expensive area and rents but has a house in the NE she bought cheaply and rents out. It just makes her feel she's on the ladder iyswim

I'm sure that works well until the tenant trashes the house and stops paying rent. Especially if you rent a place out in the NE.

BlueStones · 24/11/2013 13:41

Yeah, 'cause all us tenants are like that azzbiscuit Hmm

gospellighthouse · 24/11/2013 13:44

Nope just north eastern ones according to azzbiscuit

azzbiscuit · 24/11/2013 14:02

Competing for the biggest non sequitur there I see, good luck with that.

Original poster
GinAndIt · 24/11/2013 14:05

Well, thanks for making my point about tenants being considered as second-class citizens so brilliantly, azz Hmm

OP posts:
BlueStones · 24/11/2013 14:08

Please point me to the non sequitur, azzbiscuit. I don't see it.

clarinetV2 · 24/11/2013 14:14

YANBU. Housing in this country is a disgrace for all the reasons other posters have said. It is ludicrous that people on average salaries can't afford even modest housing costs and have to rely on HB - taxpayers' money going into the hands of the rental landlords.

I'm late 40s, and made the decision 10 years ago as a single parent to uproot myself and my two (then) school-age daughters because I could see decent housing getting further and further out of my reach with every passing year. I moved to a much cheaper area where I was able to buy a nice flat near good schools. It was a hellishly difficult decision to make, and the first year I often found myself wondering whether I'd done the right thing. However, now that I look back, I wouldn't change that decision for the world. If anything I wish I'd done it sooner. Obviously I don't know your circumstances, OP, and if moving really isn't viable for you then it's not. But don't dismiss it out of hand. YANBU and I have loads of sympathy for you and everyone else in the same position.

Joysmum · 24/11/2013 14:36

I remember having a similar conversation with mum mum who was upset that everyone seemed so much better off than she is. I had to point out to her that she was comparing herself as a single income hiusehold against others with 2/3 income households.

mizu · 24/11/2013 14:57

Perhaps the OP's parents just don't want to share their home anymore. My mum has no space but even if she did she def wouldn't want us staying there.

Our landlord has just put the rent up (well mizu that Central heating I put in for you cost me £3500) and then rang me to say he had got hold of some cheap carpet and did we want the stairs done. Yes of course I want the threadbare carpet replaced I said. When he came to do it he said he was spoiling us Confused

Oh to put in our own carpet that wasn't laid 100 years ago.

The problem for people like us is we are stuck in the middle, well lower middle, we earn too much to claim tax credits and
not enough to be able to afford repayments on a mortgage with a small deposit.