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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be fed up that, as a 40-something professional, I can't afford my own home

97 replies

GinAndIt · 23/11/2013 18:34

Just having a bit of a moan really. Before I start, I know that compared to probably 80% of the rest of the world, I'm very well off. I know this is, in fact, probably the definition of a first-world problem.

But ffs. I'm fed up. I pay almost 40% of my salary for a damp two bed flat which isn't even mine. Ds and I could get chucked out at any time. I can't change anything I don't like, I can't replace anything that doesn't work properly. My boiler is on the blink and I'm worried about telling the landlord in case he then decides that my rent is suddenly too cheap.

I actually pay below the (insane) market rate for my rental. I'm stuck, because I couldn't afford to move as prices have spiralled way beyond my reach. And as for buying? Never, ever, ever.

I am 40 years old and work full time in a frontline NHS profession. I earn a salary above the national average, though not by much. All I want is a bit of garden, and a kitchen I could fit a little table in. I'd like to be able to put pictures up without worrying whether I'll mark the walls. I just want somewhere that feels like it's mine. So why do I feel as if IABU?

OP posts:

Joysmum · 23/11/2013 19:19

I remember having a conversation like this with my mum as she couldn't understand how everyone else seemed to be do much better off than she was. I pointed out she was comparing herself to 2 income households.

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 23/11/2013 19:22

Could you do a rent share, move back in with parents for a year and save that way.

Beastofburden · 23/11/2013 19:22

I understand why moving pisses you off, and as you say, the support network is vital. I think if everyone does the moving thing it will empty our schools and hospitals in the south east. Just, for your family, selfishly, it might be a good medium term solution. As I said in my first post, you have both a skill that is in demand, and a national wage scale, so though expat is right in general terms about just moving being not practical for everyone, you have a relative advantage over others here. Don't suppose it feels like it.

Even in the days of cheaper housing it would have been hard for a single earner without resident SAHP to do childcare. I bought my first flat in 1986 for 40k but I was earning 4k in my first job in 1984, and only around 10k by 1986. Smaller numbers, just as bloody impossible if I had also had a child at that age.

I would like to think that some kind of shared ownership/ affordable ousing scheme would help. But the only thing I can think of is a year living ith family to save the rent as a 5% help to buy deposit. But it would then need to be spent somewhere cheaper, which I can see is not what you want to do.

Loopytiles · 23/11/2013 19:23

Is working for the private sector or progression / sideways move to better paid job an option?

Original poster

GinAndIt · 23/11/2013 19:27

Loopy - it would have to be a bloody good move - my salary would have to almost triple for me to be able to afford to buy the flat I currently rent, for example.

OP posts:

titchy · 23/11/2013 19:28

Would you consider buying a buy to let in a cheaper part of the country, letting it to students say then selling it at a profit in 10 years in order to buy yourself small locally?

Beastofburden · 23/11/2013 19:31

Gin, I think the NHs pension scheme is still worth having, think hard before you give it up.

nicecupoftea2013 · 23/11/2013 19:32

I agree, I am in the same position as you, but a few years older and I hate renting too.

Landlords only care about money, so trying to get emergency jobs done are really stressful. My landlord has told me "you're pissing me off" when I was unable to use a bedroom due to the damp.

If I spoke to my clients, or ignored them the way landlords do, then I would be in a disciplinary or dismissed. Landlords have all the power and they know it, they know they can just increase your rent for no reason at all.

CynicalandSmug · 23/11/2013 19:44

I'm in the same boat, same age, work very hard but owning will never happen for me. Prices round here are shocking, I could never raise the deposit. Moving? But then I would have to find another job! And I have tried that route........ Soul destroying isn't it? I do worry for my future and dream of some kind of financial security.

CailinDana · 23/11/2013 19:51

We moved from the SE to the midlands in order to be able to afford a house. It's been well worth it.

Mollydoggerson · 23/11/2013 19:56

I saw a tv show about unusual housing spaces. One woman bought disused public toilets from the council and converted them into a home 40k purchase price if I remember correctly. Another person was living in a converted shipping container.

Could you build a granny flat onto your parents house?

Bearandcub · 23/11/2013 19:59

YANBU it is horrific! I'm in almost an identical situation. My family are willing to contribute to a mortgage but I feel terrible that after working all my life I'm in this situation.

Chin up, chuck. It could be worse, eh?

BearsInMotion · 23/11/2013 20:05

YANBU. DP and I both work full time, late 30s, earn above the national average and the average 3 bed is 4.5 x our combined salary. No idea how we'll ever afford to buy, or what we'll do when we get old, or what DD will do :(

Beastofburden · 23/11/2013 20:16

Caitlin, so did I. I relocated once from my childhood home to London, to find work and get qualified, and again from London to where I live now, to be able to afford a home.

In the medium term it can only work a bit, though. London can't afford to have nobody living there who works at national average wage. So I would guess, given we can do nothing auto house prices now, that renting will have to change.

Me, I would vote for anyone who would reintroduce proper social housing, instead of spending housing benefit making some very not-nice landlords very rich.

MrsGarlic · 23/11/2013 20:28

YANBU. We were only able to afford our 3-bed flat because we met fairly young, decided to save and therefore saved money from our jobs while still living with parents. Our mortgage on the place is huge (and it's not a palace by any means) but still cheaper than renting would be. I have no idea what our friends will do, the ones without City jobs and/or parents willing to finance them, that is.

IfAtFirstUDontSucceed · 23/11/2013 20:28

YANBU

DH and I bought in 2001 and got a real bargain, due to circumstances and relocation we sold in 2008 at the bottom of the market and came away with nothing! We've been renting ever since.

Little things like not being able to replace the old inefficient boiler, not being able to put a cat flap in the back door, the crappy 1990s style kitchen with horrendously noisy fan oven, shitty orange carpet (1990s) style too) is annoying.

We've been desperately been trying to save for the deposit again, but have managed pittance. It feels like we're twenty-something's again. I'm 34 and DH is 40!

We've been very lucky in that my parents have offered us several thousand pounds towards the deposit so we can get back on the ladder. If it wasn't for their help I could see us still renting in 10 years time.

Most lenders want a 10% deposit and house prices being as they are at the moment that's a lot if cash you have to stump up fir anything reasonable.

scottishmummy · 23/11/2013 20:29

Gosh it's grim isn't it,no answer but wanted to acknowledge your post

CailinDana · 23/11/2013 20:30

Renting should be a secure, viable option. The way it operates in the UK is awful.

AnotherWorld · 23/11/2013 20:38

I've been pondering - do you think some kind of national rent control would help to bring houses back into line with wages? Covering private, HA and council. They've already done the research on average rents for the housing benefit cap - so wouldn't be too hard to put in place.

Hard luck for the landlords but its about time the government did something. It's a scandal.

elskovs · 23/11/2013 20:42

YANBU. How depressing.

lotsofcheese · 23/11/2013 20:47

YANBU. I'm 42 & renting. We can't get a mortgage as DP was made redundant & became self-employed. I'm also an NHS worker, but at least I have a permanent job, albeit with no chance of progression. We live in an area of high cost housing.

The lack of security, worries about DC having to move repeatedly, schools etc... It's miserable. You're not alone.

I hope things get better for you soon x

lotsofcheese · 23/11/2013 20:48

Oh shit! I'm actually only 41 & have added a year on to my age

Shonajoy · 23/11/2013 20:49

You're our kids of the future. That's shit you're paying so much money and working so hard to do so. It must be really frustrating to say the least.

Shonajoy · 23/11/2013 20:50

There should be more council housing. Of course, it was mostly sold off. And now we have the bedroom tax where everything is totally f'd up. I feel so bad for people who work like dogs in frontline care, and get this. At least give them a tax break!

wishful75 · 23/11/2013 20:53

YANBU. It must be utterly soul destroying to live where you so unhappy. If you ever hate it so much you would sacrifice the support network I can assure you would be able to comfortably afford a lovely little home (detached more than likely) up here in Northumberland, great schools and fairly plentiful jobs in the NHS. We are a friendly bunch too.
My bff pays far more in travel costs to work in London than I do for my mortgage for a largish newish 4 bed detached in an affluent market town. I'm a SAHM at the moment as we can manage on his (currently below average) salary. Childcare is probably a lot cheaper too. It might be worth thinking about.

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