To think that if my daughter wants to sing tomorrow she has to do her homework today

[Lonecatwithkitten]

Lone parent so no one in RL to back me up.
DD sings in two choirs both have performances tomorrow that she is really excited about. I also sing in a choir I have high profile gig on Tuesday so extra rehearsal this morning, so she has been at friends house this morning.
Since school finished yesterday I have been clear to her she needs to use Saturday afternoon for homework and she needs to practice her clarinet everyday as she has exam on Monday. Clarinet done today without me asking, brilliant gave her loads of praise.
Now there isn't a lot of homework if she would stop fanny arsing around playing her recorder back chatting me etc and just sit down and do it. So I have now laid the ultimatum if the homework is not done this afternoon no choir performances tomorrow. AIBU? As she has now told me I am the worst parent in the world.

Does she seriously want to spoil tomorrow with trying to fit homework in?

I might have put it differently and done the "all performers have to plan their lives, we need a clear deck before your performance day tomorrow, you won't feel like it after the concerts".

Bake some scones, make her a cup of tea, and tell her to stop making a fuss over trivia and do the damn homework FFs.

Yanbu. I have had a similar discussion with DD this morning who wants to go shopping tomorrow with her friend. I have stipulated that homework needs to be fine and all birthday thank you cards/emails done. I agree with you.

Can things get worse? She has now thrown a paper airplane at me with I hate Maths on it.

How old is she? throw one back with "sucks to be you" written on it...

YANBU. You know that and you don't really need MN to tell you that, bit these kids can make you doubt yourself someone times even when you know you're right.

Stick to your guns.

Do you know the formula for lift that makes paper planes fly? You could write it on and throw it back.

Anyway sounds like good humoured banter to me.

How old is she?

I'd just say "No homework=no singing!" But then I'm hard!

But then - the last time I had to do that was a few years ago she is 16 now & it was always dancing not singing

Yanbu though the airplane made me snort sorry

I also like Bake some scones and make some tea

I don't think its fair to the rest of the choir if your DD doesn't turn up tomorrow. Can you think of a different incentive?
If all the parents banned their DCs from choir for being naughty, there would be no choir.

Or no naughty DC's Middle

YABU. But then I'm keen on extra-curricular activities so wouldn't have set this as I wouldn't be able to follow through if it came to it. It's not a reasonable threat imho. Will you really not let her do them?

My dd does similar and a bit more to your dd, she wasn't made to do homework when she had a lot of performances.
I don't believe in homework and now she does no work at all on performance days. So just looking at us as an extreme, it seems harsh to not let her go tomorrow.

Okay half done now.

Yes I will carry through, because to be frank nothing else is going to make any difference.
She is nearly 10. It frustrates me, which does help, as at her age I was in my second year of boarding school just getting on with homework and my volume was twice what hers is.

I'm with you lonecat, stay strong! Your relationship with your daughter sounds fab. To be able to argue back with mum in the way you've described says to me she has loads of self esteem and is not afraid to fight her own corner. My dd is similar and I love her for it! I wish my dm had pushed me to learn an instrument, I suffer musical envy every time I see a musician. Keep going yanbu! And flowers and booze to you!

Oh nearly 10 is different to 13/14

Just keep on trucking with it!

Ah and now good humour has arrived and final bit is being got on with in positive manner.

Oh good!

The ages make a big difference I think plus if DD wants to do something she needs me to get her there; so my good will is vital at 10 your DD would expect you to get her there (iyswim)

Well I write as someone who organizes an extra curricular club. It really pisses me off when parents call at last minute to tel me their DC won't be coming that evening, as they've been naughty. Thanks very much - I have spent ££ of the club's money (their subs), and hh of my time organizing an activity which depends on a certain number of kids, but never mind - you just keep them at home. Who are you punishing? Me and the other kids at the club, or DC?

I'm with Middle - if your dd is part of a choir, then in effect she is part of a team - it is not fair on the others for her to let them down at the last minute (short of being ill). You shouldn't threaten something you aren't going to carry through, but you shouldn't let everyone else down either, so shouldn't have threatened that IMO.

Also totally agree with morethan - I think homework at Primary age is pointless and annoying and unnecessary anyway, so have never had any qualms about them not doing it if they are doing something else at the weekend.