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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be in dilemma how much to pay to the priest?

110 replies

Brokensoul · 23/11/2013 13:45

My two DD's are getting baptised in RC church. We are at the moment in a bit thight place with the money and I know priest is expecting monetary donation.
I am in dilemma how much is appropriate. Please can someone advice me?! Thank you so much.

OP posts:
OhMerGerd · 24/11/2013 09:47

Your 30/40 donation and your mums altar cloths sound lovely. Just right. In fact more than just right...perfect. Don't give it another thought.

You must find the envelope and unique number thing strange as you come from Croatia. But it's not about seeing how much you give.

The UK has a system called Gift Aid which is linked to tax. I would assume that the envelopes are so that if you're a UK tax payer and you 'gift aid' your donation the church get the tax you would have paid on what you give .. So they get more money. It's not to check up on how much you give. Someone will be able to explain it better than me. But if you don't pay tax in UK you don't need to use the envelope.

Seriously don't worry. If anyone is judgy they're not a very good Christian/ person and that's their look out not yours.

bababababoom · 24/11/2013 13:28

Seriously, it is as donation, and the priest will not refuse to baptise your children if you donate nothing at all. They are not allowed to charge for a baptism, wedding etc etc - any donation is voluntary. Honestly, if you discuss your worries with the Priest I'm sure you will be reassured.

OrangeJuiceSandwich · 24/11/2013 13:36

It should not be a token as some posters have said. You are paying for the Priests time, the heating costs etc, the admin. £50 minimum really.

Barbeasty · 24/11/2013 13:46

On the form for our parish they say that there is no charge, but a donation to cover heating and lighting costs would be appreciated and £30 would be plenty to cover that.

If you can't afford more but wanted to give more then you could always give a random donation in the future, if you can afford it then.

squoosh · 24/11/2013 13:47

£30 is more than plenty.

HappyMummyOfOne · 24/11/2013 14:04

The theory that you will be going regularly after doesnt always work though, lots of children are christened as parents just want the ceremony, party and gifts.

Churches, especially rural, a struggling with costs. Heating alone is extortianate so they need all the help it can get. Perhas it would be simpler to just have a fee so that everyone knows where they stand. Perhaps a lower one for regular attenders and a higher one for those that just want the event.

wigglesrock · 24/11/2013 15:29

You can't charge for sacraments in the Catholic Church - that's why theres no fee for baptisms, funerals, weddings. Everybody I know slips the priest a couple of pounds. Like I said £20 for baptisms, £50 for wedding, with a £10 for altar servers.

Honestly I think I said on one of your previous threads - our priest gets £20 for the bookies, the previous one used to get a bottle of whiskey & 20 smokes. It's more a tip than a fee.

Rubybrazilianwax · 24/11/2013 15:52

£25 is the going rate around here

Original poster
Brokensoul · 24/11/2013 16:50

Thank you so much. Didnt manage to speak to priest today. I am going on Thursday to the church then I will enquire. I feel so much better because I was really worried how am going to afford big amount of money.
Thank you

OP posts:
Bunbaker · 24/11/2013 16:54

"It should not be a token as some posters have said. You are paying for the Priests time, the heating costs etc, the admin. £50 minimum really."

At our church christenings are during the service so no extra costs are incurred. I'm amazed at the number of churches that charge for a christening. Is this just the Catholic church?

squoosh · 24/11/2013 16:56

It's not a charge, it's a donation of an amount of their own choosing.

Bunbaker · 24/11/2013 16:58

Blush It never occurred to me to make a donation and the vicar never even hinted at it.

Barbeasty · 24/11/2013 17:02

They don't charge. The Catholic church can't charge for any sacrament (including weddings) but it's the done thing to give a donation. Much as most regular parishioners will give a weekly/ monthly donation.

Whether or not the baptism is within a regular mass or a stand alone service is down to the priest.

Ours will do them on a Sunday afternoon because he has an assistant priest, and the time to do them. My SIL's parish has them on one Sunday a month in mass.

The donation for a stand alone service would reasonably call for a larger donation than a baptism within mass. But the church would never want someone to go into debt to donate. That's why it's free- the soul is at stake!

aciddrops · 24/11/2013 17:04

A bit off topic really, but my first DS's christening was very short as the priest was as quick as he could be as his football team was about to kick off. He also had to ask us for "a light" for the candle and couldn't remember the name of my son. I'm not sure if he had indulged in a pre-match drink. The non Catholic rellies were outraged. All my side of the family thought it was hilarious. It was like being in a live episode of Father Ted. He has sadly passed away now :( God rest him.

bunchoffives · 25/11/2013 00:47

I hope all of you who are pleading poverty for the churches are actually joking

Both the Catholic and Anglican churches are filthy rich

These so called donations are disgusting for just the reason displayed here - that they cause unnecessary anxiety and distress for those who cannot afford it. Do you think Jesus would have been pleased to know that the parents of the little children who are being brought into the church are having to pay for it ? Shame on any priest who accepts any money whatsoever for a christening imho. It is wrong and against all Christian teaching. An anonymous offering given during the general collection should be all that is done.

Blessed are the poor (unless they are so poor they cannot pay the priest). Angry

bunchoffives · 25/11/2013 00:58

C of E has investments worth £8 billion. Plus assets of many times more.

Catholic church's investments in Italy alone account for 15% of all Italian investments.

moldingsunbeams · 25/11/2013 01:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Xochiquetzal · 25/11/2013 04:58

I gave £15 each for my 2 as that was all I could afford, this was at a catholic church in a reasonably MC area. With DD the priest knew i was really hard up and actually tried to give the money back, most priests are far more interested in getting kids into the church than getting money for the baptism.

treadheavily · 25/11/2013 05:13

I asked at the parish office and was expressly informed there was no fee. There was no mention of donations and we didn't make one. And it was a private service.

Fraggle3112 · 25/11/2013 06:02

DS was recently baptised RC and adonation was requested. The guidance was that a donation should be in line with what you would pay for the celebration afterward. We gave £80 but only because we could afford it. Whatever you give will be gratefully received.

Bunbaker · 25/11/2013 06:32

"Both the Catholic and Anglican churches are filthy rich"

I can't speak for other churches, but our church is struggling. They might be rich as far as property goes, but there is a cash flow problem. It costs £1000 a week to keep our church running - heating, lighting, insurance and other ministry costs. The boiler needs replacing but there isn't the cash to do it right now. Thieves keep stealing the lead off the roof and this keeps bumping up the insurance premiums.

goldopals · 25/11/2013 06:41

At my church baptisms are free and are included in the service. I have never seen or heard of a private baptism or paying for it! Families sometimes pay for some treats for morning tea, but this is entirely voluntary

KenDoddsDadsDog · 25/11/2013 07:51

Its not a private baptism , just not done in the service. Anyone can attend.
You don't pay for it.
Lots of churches do it , not just RC .

wigglesrock · 25/11/2013 08:19

It's after mass where we are. A quick 20 mins - baptisms are done every 2nd Sunday, so it just depends how many babies are born around the same time. When dd3 was baptised there were 6 done, when my niece was baptised the next year, she was the only one that day - just pot luck.

treadheavily · 25/11/2013 08:30

Oh and also they provided the after party. I think my church must be rich