To be upset when mums tell me off about DD hitting.

[lill72]

I go to a local soft play and my DD who is 3 is going through a bit of a hitting phase. I really want this phase to go and do everything I can to tell her it is not ok and speak to the nursery frequently about it.

At this soft play, you really let the kids go and you sit and watch. I check on DD all the time to see where she is and that she is ok. But you cannot see everywhere from where you are sitting. I check on her lots, but feel like now I should literally sit with her or follow her around. But in some ways, I also feel like a lot of argy bargey goes on at these things and following her everywhere is a little OTT for a 3 year old.

Don't get me wrong - I am horrified that she hits and am not sitting back passively at all. I will be the first to tell her it is wrong etc etc.

What I do not like is when other parents come up and tell me that my DD is 'walloping my child' in a very mean tone. They get very nasty and I leave feel awful as if my child is a monster.

One week I got told off by a woman 'your child was hitting my child' way after the fact, when I was trying to sort out my DD and her DD wanting the same toy. I think her DD had also hit my DD earlier, as she came to me crying.

I dont mind being told, I just think there is a nicer way - like 'I just thought I should let you know - you're daughter has being hitting other children.' nicer tone, nicer words.

I get so incensed/angry/upset at me and my DD who is a very sweet little person -being treated like monsters. I don't want to go again at the moment.

anyone else have the same? what do you reply when someone comes up to you?

[wakeupandsmellthecoffee]

Well what are they supposed to do .Leave their child in the play area so yours can hit them.Of course they are going to keep them away from harm.Surely if your child is the problem she should be the one removed so other children can play without being hurt.

[ZenNudist]

Warn her before you go in that you will leave if she hits. Then actually do that. Show her there will be consequences to her actions.

At least do time outs & yes, follow her round. 3 is clearly too young to be left alone if she is bashing other kids.

It must be pretty bad for other parents to comment on it. Tone is irrelevant. Deal with this now & it will not become a problem.

[Catnap26]

Frustrated when people post on AIBU and get annoyed when the responses are YABU.

[CoffeeChocolateWine]

The people today were so rude and removed their children out of the ball area where DD was, treating her like a lepar

Tbh, in their shoes, if a child in the ball area was hitting and the mother of the hitter hadn't removed her child, then of course I'd remove mine! I don't want my child getting hit!

[Gobbolinothewitchscat]

Please tell me this is a joke

My DS is 11 months and a big boy. He likes "touching" other babies' faces and I'm already conscious that as he is quite big and strong he might be being a little bit rough so I watch him like a hawk.

The other mums in my NCT group are the same though - we have one little girl who is already a biter and her mum is hyper vigilant

There is the odd bite but we all know she is doing the best she can to prevent it. If she was sitting on her arse and then saying that people hadn't approached her in quite the right manner, then I think people would be fuming

Do you think your lack of concern and general missing the point-ness I.e if your daughter didn't hit NO ONE would need to approach you is rubbing off on your daughter and she's not quite getting that this should be a zero tolerence issue?

[lill72]

stickysausages - sounds like you have not been in this situation. If not, then you really cannot comment on how you might act or what you might do.

To others who have not been in this situation or had this ongoing issue - it is hard for you to know how it feels.

Do agree with people to follow DD more closely. I go with another friend who has an older DD who she can leave alone. Think it best not to go at all for the moment.

I must say though that heaps of argy bargey goes on at soft play all the time - i see kids pushing/hitting each other all the time. Not excusing it - more just a statement of fact.

[Pearlsaplenty]

It sounds like you may need to start following your dd around for awhile. 3 is still very young.

[tumbletumble]

My DS2 went through a hitting stage age 2, so I know how stressful it is. Sympathy OP. Agree with others that the only thing which worked was to say to him that if he hit anyone we would leave, and then follow through with the threat. I only had to do this twice and he stopped hitting.

[TheCrumpetQueen]

Anyone can comment, it's an open forum.

[Fairenuff]

How is it rude to remove your child from harm? Not getting that at all OP.

[DollyTwat]

Thing is op she's getting away with it
And she knows she is

You have to remove her every time, even if she's kicking it screaming. She'll soon learn. My ds1 went through a hitting phase, mostly me. So he was told he would lose the you he was playing with most every time, and he wouldn't get it back. Took about 3 favorite toys to be taken for it to sink in

It worked. It was tough, for me too as Sometimes it was a nice thing if bought him. He never saw them again though

[DollyTwat]

*spellng courtesy of iPhone

[Gobbolinothewitchscat]

I go to a mothers group - 6 kids all aged 3. Every week they all push each other around. I know not every child does it, but it is a phase many go through.

Yes - but they are all the same age ad generally it's tit for tat. For all we know, your child is walloping one year olds at the soft play - that is not a fair match

Oh, and however "rude" people are to you, you should always apologise for the biting. If not, you're sending out ver confusing messages to your daughter regarding her behaviour

[DeepThought]

Wrap up in weather appropriate clothing

Winter is no bar to getting out into the fresh air, don't be so wet!

[MorgauseIsNotBlinking]

Sorry but you were the rude one for not watching your DD.

The people removed their DCs to keep them from harm, the polite thing to do would be for you to remove your DC and let the others play in peace.

[WooWooOwl]

Your attitude stinks.

These parent you met most recently were not treating your dd like a lepar, they were preventing their own children from being hurt!

Why didn't you remove your child from the ball pit?

Brushing off opinions that you don't like with 'you haven't been in this situation' is a ridiculously feeble cop out.

Many of us will have been in the situation where our very small children have been hurt by another child, and that feels pretty awful too!

[Fleta]

So the parents who remove their children to prevent yours hitting them are rude in their treatment of her?

YOU should be the ones removing your daughter. She's getting away with it.

[lill72]

Gobbolin - is what you are saying a joke? I have a lot of concern and am always talking to my DD about this issue. I ask them at nursery all the time as I want it to be over as quickly as possible. It breaks my heart really that you would think I was content about this.

As you have an 11 month old, it is very easy to sit and judge, as you and your NCT group are hypervigilant. I also have an NCT group - when they were 11 months old, one was a biter and bit my DD terribly a few times. The mum was on it and of course wouldbe hyper vigilant.

Now they are 3, every week we meet and 6 children are constantly pushing and arguing - usually over sharing. We are on top of this also, but it still happens a lot. It is different from an 11 month old. Come back to me when your DS is 3 and talk to me then. very easy to judge.

[Spookey80]

Oh my, you can't not take her to places, that's just not life.
Just watch her like a hawk until you feel more confident that she can be left.
I also feel upset that sometimes people seem to forget that children can be like this, but they are probably just doing what comes naturally and don't worry "it's just a phase".

[WhoNickedMyName]

In soft play a hitter/biter + a non attentive parent does equal the child being a social leper.

I don't want to, and, shouldn't have to step in and stop another child hitting mine. Your child, that's your job.

So if you're not doing your job, then I don't give a shit how upset or offended a parent is when I tell them what their child is up to.

[lill72]

By the way everyone - I did and do immediately remove my DD from the situation and tell her off every time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


people seem to assume things!!!!!

And DD did not hit a one year old. They were around a similar age. Not making it better - I am just saying.

[Fleta]

By "remove her from the situation" did you immediately take her home, or did you not?

[K8Middleton]

Are you listening to anyone who has been there and disagrees with your approach?

The majority of us have been through it. It's a phase most children go through. You can manage it but only by being proactive, not reactive.