To be upset when mums tell me off about DD hitting.

[lill72]

I go to a local soft play and my DD who is 3 is going through a bit of a hitting phase. I really want this phase to go and do everything I can to tell her it is not ok and speak to the nursery frequently about it.

At this soft play, you really let the kids go and you sit and watch. I check on DD all the time to see where she is and that she is ok. But you cannot see everywhere from where you are sitting. I check on her lots, but feel like now I should literally sit with her or follow her around. But in some ways, I also feel like a lot of argy bargey goes on at these things and following her everywhere is a little OTT for a 3 year old.

Don't get me wrong - I am horrified that she hits and am not sitting back passively at all. I will be the first to tell her it is wrong etc etc.

What I do not like is when other parents come up and tell me that my DD is 'walloping my child' in a very mean tone. They get very nasty and I leave feel awful as if my child is a monster.

One week I got told off by a woman 'your child was hitting my child' way after the fact, when I was trying to sort out my DD and her DD wanting the same toy. I think her DD had also hit my DD earlier, as she came to me crying.

I dont mind being told, I just think there is a nicer way - like 'I just thought I should let you know - you're daughter has being hitting other children.' nicer tone, nicer words.

I get so incensed/angry/upset at me and my DD who is a very sweet little person -being treated like monsters. I don't want to go again at the moment.

anyone else have the same? what do you reply when someone comes up to you?

[stickysausages]

YABVU

I'd be fuming if my child got thumped, and 'having a word with them' wouldn't put my mind at ease that they'd be safe to play with.

If my DS whacked someone at soft play, he'd be taken home.

[MrsPeeWee]

YABU! I have far more sympathy for the poor mums that come on this site and write things like - "Another child hit my DC at a soft play, should I have said something"

My answer, of course would have been YES!

If she hits, you need to be following her. It isn't justified when you say that it may be OTT... so what? Other parents don't take their DC to the soft play for another child to be knocking around smacking them. Simple solution, follow her, discipline her if she hits, she is plenty old enough to understand.

[SingSongMummy]

I agree that you need to either avoid soft play or follow her around. I'm lucky enough to have one that hasn't had a hitting phase (nearly 4 now so hopefully will avoid it!), but she's often come a cropper at soft play with another child hitting her. Many times I've watched it happen and not been able to see a parent keeping an eye out for the hitter which is incredibly infuriating and might be partly why the parents coming to you are cross. Tbh I think that 3 is easily old enough to face consequences of actions (i.e going straight home) and to learn quickly to stop bad behaviour.

[BobaFetaCheese]

Follow her around, like a hawk.

I would leave a soft play/baby group if a child was hitting mine & the parent did nothing to stop it.

[Fairenuff]

Why are you going there if it is making you 'incensed/angry/upset'?

[ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged]

Yabu. My ds is 'spirited' so I ensure he is within eye contact at all times at soft play. You give the impression this has happened more than once so you need to be watching him & ready to intervene.

[AngiBolen]

My DD went through a hitting phase. (when she was nearly 2)


I imediately said a firm "No hiting!" to DD, appologised to the hit child/parent and left the setting, whether it be toddler group, soft play, a friends house....apologising profusely as I went, and explaining to others going home was the only way to get through to her, and telling DD we are going home because she hit.

She figured it out soon enough. I would avoid soft play for a few months.

If it's one of those places where children run ferrel you can't always see your DC, you either have to stay at home or shaddow them.

[Joysmum]

It's a phase, some may bute and some may hit. I just went in with my DD until she came out the other side of it. It was a great excuse for me to go in too as I loved soft play as much as she did and didn't really like sitting with other parent whom I had nothing in common with, or playing Billy no mates.

[KrabbyPatty]

I would avoid soft play until this 'phase' is over, you can't let your dd go round the place hitting other kids - it's just not on.

[CoffeeChocolateWine]

I don't mean to offend because I know it is a difficult phase, but honestly, if you were checking on her and keeping an eye on her as much as you say you are, then you shouldn't need parents coming up to you telling you that your child is hitting. You would be there and intervening before another parent had a chance to say anything.

If she is a hitter and you know it's likely she will hit another child then it is not OTT to follow her around everywhere, and I don't think you can just let her go while you sit and watch. It's clearly not enough...from what you've said in your OP this has happened quite a few times?

I do sympathise so apologies if it sounds harsh...my DS went through a biting phase and it is MORTIFYING. But until it passes (and it will!) you need to be right beside her all the time.

[pianodoodle]

You need to supervise her properly.

You are responsible for her and if you know she is likely to hit other children you shouldn't keep waiting until some other parent tells you about it. You need to be there to intervene before she does it.

It's very unfair on everyone else if you don't.

YABU to expect people to be polite to you under these circumstances.

[DontmindifIdo]

yep, with the others, if yours is the hitting child, you have to be close to stop it.

Tis rubbish, but otherwise, she doesn't go to soft play. Also agree at 3 she's old enough to know that if she hits someone, she goes home straight away.

[Fifibluebell]

I told a woman today that her son kept head butting my son and everyone else in his way or anyone who touched any of the trains within a 2 metre radius around him even his own 9/10 month old sister whilst the mum sat on her arse drinking tea looking the opposite way and chatting to another mum! Her reply was "he's very particular about trains" !!!!! If you know you have a hitter you follow them around to be able to step in!

[SoftSheen]

If your DD is regularly hitting other children then you should absolutely be following her around and intervening when necessary. Yes, three year olds do sometimes hit each other but they need to be made to understand that it is never OK to do so.

Before you go to soft play (or any other difficult situations) I would explain to your DD that if she hits she will be taken straight home. And be prepared to follow through. At 3, she should be old enough to understand this.

[ChasedByBees]

You do realise it's not compulsory to go to soft play?

[heather1]

My approach would be to follow my child around ( and I have had to do this in the past). Also before going into soft play/playgroups i would explain to my child that if there was any hitting we would be leaving immediately.
And I would follow that through and continue doing so. In addition to a telling off until the phase was over.
This phase will pass. It's likely to pass more quickly if you give your DD extremely clear signals that you do not accept this behaviour.

[TheCrumpetQueen]

Ok imagine it the other way around.

Your dd is playing nicely and a child comes up to her and whacks her. Would you be upset? Would you tell the parent? Or would you just smile sweetly and tell you dd not to cry because that child is going through a phase

Yabu and stop leaving your dd unattended while she's like this. My ds is going through this phase too and I follow him everywhere because I don't want him hurting other children.

[TantrumsAndBalloons]

I had a biter.

We avoided soft play or anywhere it wasn't appropriate to actually be right next to him until it stopped.

I would have and did tell parents when their DCs was hitting/biting my DC because she was a tiny little thing and somehow was always the one being bitten or hit whilst the parents were not looking.

[WorraLiberty]

Also agree at 3 she's old enough to know that if she hits someone, she goes home straight away.

Yes, this ^^

She's old enough to know that her actions have consequences. Try telling her in no uncertain terms that if she hits another child, you will be taking her straight home.

Also if you can, perhaps teach her some coping strategies?

[Only1scoop]

I'm not quite understanding why they are coming up to you to tell you? Is it because you didnt witness it yourself?....if you continue to go I would watch her like a hawk and intervene beforehand whilst she has this difficult stage. It will pass soon have u mentioned it to nursery/pre school if she goes? Although they are normally angels there!

[lill72]

Thank you for your comments - those that were helpful, not harsh. Guess the harsh ones have not been through this stage and not felt so awful and judged as I do.

I go to a mothers group - 6 kids all aged 3. Every week they all push each other around. I know not every child does it, but it is a phase many go through.

I have only been told off 3 times - every time at this particular soft play. Think I just won't go as I find the whole very stressful and upsetting. My DD is never, ever like this in an outdoor playground.

Some are making out like she is a monster, walloping every child in sight. Most of the time TBH she is running around just having fun with her friend.

I do tell her off every time and get her to apologise. The people today were so rude and removed their children out of the ball area where DD was, treating her like a lepar. I am not apologising to people that are so rude sorry.

What else to do in winter if i cannot do soft play? Big stressed sigh...

[K8Middleton]

You have two choices: stalk or split.

Anything else is not really on or fair to anyone.

[K8Middleton]

Why are you making excuses? Step up and be the parent.

Of course we've all been there but the difference is we took responsibility and appropriate action.

Btw, they weren't judging your daughter, they were judging you and by that last post I think they were right.